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Martha Farnsworth diary

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[Front Cover]

 

[Page 1]

 

“New Year’s Day,” 1890

 

Wed. Jan. 1st

 

Johnny (my husband) and I, spent the day at uncle Frank Van Orsdol’s, at Silver Lake.  They gave a big “New Year’s dinner,” to a big crowd of people.  We younger people, spent the forenoon, “runing races,” jumping and with rifle, shooting at “marks,” and danced all afternoon.  I danced with uncle Frank and every young man present.  We had such a happy day and I hope it is a foreruner of a happy year, but I have forebodings.

 

Thurs. 2  We came to Uncle Charlie Howard’s today for dinner and will stay all night with them.  Johnny got so angry as we walked down – he is not well, and gets so cross.  I enjoy my cousins so much and there is such a house full here.  Maude, Emma, Bert, Nora, Nellie, George and Joe.

 

Fri. 3  Uncle Marian Van Orsdol, brought us to the Lake this morning and we came home on the train.

 

Sat. 4  Busy cleaning up the house, today.

 

Sun. 5  We spent the day, at Johnny’s brother Jim’s over on the East-side.  He has two lively boys: Willie and Frankie.

 

[Page 2]

 

January 1890

 

Mon. 6  Johnny went to work this morning, but will work in the Stamp department, until stronger.

 

Tues. 7  Hope Johnny will grow strong, but some how I can’t help worrying about him.

 

Wed. 8  Johnny is working, but really ought to be in bed.

 

Thurs. 9  I try to be happy, but it is not easy, with Johnny in such poor health.

 

Fri. 10  I don’t find much to do, in our little home so fret the hours away, because of my poor husband’s ill health.

 

Sat. 11  Busy with my usual Saturday work.

 

Sun. 12  Mother Shaw here today.  Johnny and I, went to Church tonight at First Christian Church

 

Mon. 13  My wash-day, but only two of us, so its soon out.

 

Tues. 14  We have a Mr. & Mrs. Page (they call themselves Mr. & Mrs. George Brown) rooming with us.  He is Foreman of the Stone-cutters, who are building the North and South wings and Dome of the State House.  They are very pleasant.

 

[Page 3]

 

January 1890 411 W 9th street Topeka Ks.

 

Wed. 15  Poor Johnny grows no better and how can I be happy.

 

Thurs. 16  Johnny is carrying mail again, but is not strong.

 

Fri. 17  Brown’s have no family, so she and I have very little work to do, and we visit together a good deal.

 

Sat. 18  I wish Johnny did not have such a temper; he is often angry and I never know the reason.

 

Sun. 19  We went to Church tonight.

 

Mon. 20  Doing my usual Monday work, which isn’t much.

 

Tues. 21 I had thought, to be so happy, but don’t believe I am.

 

Wed. 22  Johnny seems better some days, and then worse.  I pray God he may grow strong.

 

Thurs. 23  Some days, Johnny has to “lay off,” not being well enough to work and it makes him so angry, because he is so ambitious to work and get a home.

 

Fri. 24  Johnny and I cannot go out as much as we use to, for he is in such poor health; and how I worry about him.  Oh! If he could only be well and strong.

 

[Page 4]

 

January 1890

 

Sat. 25.  Cleaning and Baking, for two, how funny!  It is like “Play-house and mud-pies.”

 

Sun. 26  Mother Shaw and Johnny’s brother Jim and family here this afternoon.

 

Mon. 27  We just don’t know what to do, because Johnny doesn’t grow strong

 

Tues. 28  Johnny breaks my heart, when he gets so cross and ill-tempered.

 

Wed. 29  Mr. Brown drinks and I don’t believe she is extra happy either, like me.

 

Thurs. 30  Mrs. Brown and I just visited each other today.

 

Fri. 31  How I pray, Johnny may get well.  My poor husband, I would give him my own good health, if I could.

 

February 1890

 

Sat. 1st  I don’t believe I am a bit happy girl, and I had thought to be so happy.

 

Sun. 2  Johnny’s poor health, makes me miserable too.  O, if he could only be well.

 

[Page 5]

 

February 1890

 

Mon. 3  I beat everyone, in the neighborhood, getting my washing out on the line.  Uncle George Van Orsdol, took dinner with us.

 

Tues. 4  How can a girl be happy, with her husband sick all the time.  I pity him so.

 

Wed. 5  Johnny works most all the time, but ought to be in bed; and he is cross as a bear.

 

Thurs. 6  My Honeymoon, should not be over, yet, and what a world of trouble has already come.

 

Fri. 7  Poor Johnny, if he could only control his temper how much happier we would both be.

 

Sat. 8  A busy forenoon, but went to town this afternoon.

 

Sun. 9  Home all day.  I don’t often get to Church any more, I use to never miss.

 

Mon. 10  Johnny is such a jolly man, when in a good humor, but poor health keeps him cross, much of the time.

 

Tues. 11  Johnny and I, are studying his case and trying to learn what would be best to restore his health.

 

[Page 6]

 

February 1890

 

Wed. 12  Doctor’s here (especially D. H. W. Roby) want to operate on Johnny for a Fistula but I don’t want them to; I am afraid it is Tuburculis.  I don’t believe he will get well.

 

Thurs. 13  We have written to a Dr. Brinkerhoff in Chicago, about Johnny’s case.  This afternoon I went to P. O. and then Johnny and I went to see “California on wheels.”  Good.

 

Fri. 14  I’m so worried about Johnny, I cry much of the time when alone.

 

Sat. 15  We went out to George Weymouth’s, 1207 Lincoln St. this evening to help celebrate his Birthday; he invited the Mail-Carriers and had a keg of Beer.  How I despise the stuff.

 

Sun. 16  Mother Shaw and brother Jim Shaw and family came to dinner today.  Johnny very poorly.

 

Mon. 17  We have decided Johnny must go to Chicago to be doctored and I cry and cry.

 

Tues. 18  Mother and Rosa Shaw here.  Johnny left for Chicago at 3 o’clock P. M. over Santa Fe and I went to depot with him.

 

[Page 7]

 

February 1890

 

Wed. 19  I went to Frank Shaw’s and spent the afternoon.  I was dreadfully hurt because Johnny would not let me go to Chicago with him; and he needs me so much.  I stay alone tho,’ the Brown’s have rooms with us.

 

Thurs. 20.  Went to Frank Shaw’s for dinner today.  Rosie and I are making us some “Peasant capes,” the latest thing, in wraps.  Oh! But its lonesome and I nearly die without Johnny.

 

Fri. 21  Down town to do a little shopping.  I feel dreadful without Johnny and cry and pray.

 

Sat. 22  Mother Shaw with me today; we went down town and in evening she and I went to a Celebration of George Washington’s Birthday at the State House and it was very good.

 

Sun. 23  I went to church today, with Mother Shaw at Methodist Church.  I am worrying myself sick over Johnny and can’t sleep nights.

 

Mon. 24.  I’ve done nothing but cry all day and I just cried and prayed all night last night.  Oh! if God will but restore his health, we will be so happy.

 

[Page 8]

 

February 1890.

 

Tues. 25  Another night of tears and I suppose I will keep it up, as long as Johnny is away.  I am so lonely, I can hardly live.

 

Wed. 26  Johnny writes he had to have an operation and came very near dying.  Now I knew I ought to have been with him.

 

Thurs. 27  Johnny writes that some days, he is better and some days not so well, and it nearly drives me wild, to be so far from him

 

Fri. 28  Snowing, blowing and cold; very stormy and my heart is so lonely and so fretted.

 

March 1890

 

Sat. 1  I spent the day at brother Jim Shaws and the long lonely night, home alone

 

Sun. 2  Went to the P. O. for my mail today and a few words came from Johnny; he is a pretty sick boy.  God bless and keep him.

 

Mon. 3.  I spent the day at brother Frank Shaw’s and of course the night at home in tears.  I am so worried about my poor husband.

 

[Page 9]

 

March 1890

 

Tues. 4  I am a miserable girl if there ever was one.  I don’t cook, eat or work, since Johnny left.  Mother Shaw, stays with me much of time.

 

Wed. 5  I spent the day at Mrs. George Weymouth’s.  Every one is so kind to me, and try to keep me cheered up, but they don’t know how my heart aches.

 

Thurs. 6  Just living my dreary, lonely life in tears.  I went down town this afternoon.

 

Fri. 7  I called to see Mrs. Virgil Cook and Mrs. Harry Bair this afternoon.  O, I want my Johnny.

 

Sat. 8  Went to town, then to Mrs. George Weymouth’s to spend the day; she, mother and I went to the Museum this evening in Keith building and enjoyed it much.  Mother staid all night with me.

 

Sun. 9  Went to P. O. for my letter from Johnny; he is not improving very fast and so lonely.

 

Mon. 10  Life is all tears and heart-ache.  Why must I suffer so.  I get so lonely to see Johnny.  Mrs. Brown has gone to Ohio to visit her people and I nearly die.  He sleeps in his rooms at night, but I don’t know when he is home.

 

[Page 10]

 

March 1890.  411 W- 9 – st.  Topeka, Ks.

 

Tues. 11  I have made up my mind, I am going to Chicago and see my husband.

 

Wed. 12  I know Johnny needs me, and I am going to him; I am going to surprise him.

 

Thurs. 13  I just packed my grip, borrowed some money from our roomer, Mr. Geo. Brown and left for Chicago at 3 o’clock this afternoon over the Rock Island.  I bought a second-class ticket for $6.50 was raining a little, when I left Topeka and tonight it is just pouring.  We are flying thro’ Missouri and Iowa and I cannot sleep because I am going to Johnny.  Some old masher, sat in front of me, and tried to flirt with me and I was so glad of the company of a dear old lady, as far as Fairfield Iowa.  She said I was too young and pretty to be traveling alone, but I’ll bet I can take care of myself against any old fool of a masher that shows up.  I refused all overtures to talk, and would not even look at him.  I told him I had a husband and he would not believe it.

 

[Page 11]

 

March 1890 Chicago Ill.

 

Fri. 14  Crossed the Mississippi River this morning at Davenport Iowa, just at dawn, but was so foggy, could not see much.  Saw some pretty places, passing thro’ Illinois.  I arrived in Chicago about 11 o’clock a. m. and took a Hack and drove straight to the Emergency Hospital, on Wells St., and La Salle Ave, where my husband is.  He was surprised beyond words, but we were so glad to see one another.  I went to a little Hotel on Clark St. and got my dinner, then spent a very happy afternoon, in the ward with Johnny.  Mrs. Metz, the Matron, says I may board at the Hospital, if I will occupy a room with some convalesence, and I am so glad, because I will be near Johnny all the time.

 

Sat. 15  My! What a big noisy place, Chicago is.  From Hospital windows I can see nothing but City in any direction I may look.  How happy I am to be here with Johnny.

 

Sun. 16  Went to the Church, of the Holy Name over on State St. this morning with Lettie Uldsholdt, one of Patients in Hospital, to attend Catholic services.  Fine Church.  I have a dreadful cold.

 

[Page 12]

 

March 1890 Chicago.

 

Mon. 17  I walked down town alone, crossed the Chicago river and went to the South-side.  I was never in a real City, before and was gone so long, the Hospital folks, thought I must be lost, but I was only going thro’ some big Stores.  I had never been out of the State of Kansas, since going to it when a little girl, five years old, and so I find much to see in a big City, like this noisy, smoky, dirty old place.  I am glad I do not live here.

 

Tues. 18  Went down town again today, during the hours I could not be with Johnny; they allow me to go in the Ward to see him, a few minutes at 9 o’clock, and for one hour at 11 o’clock, then all the afternoon and a few minutes in the evening.  I caught a terrible cold on the train.

Wed. 19  This is a German Hospital and I am the only English person “on my feet,” tho’ many of them can speak English.  I have a room with Jennie Paulson, Emma Munz and Letta Uldsholdt, who are awaiting treatment or operations.

 

[Page 13]

 

March 1890 Chicago

 

Thurs. 20  I am so happy because Johnny is growing better, but he is in bed all the time.  My throat is very sore and Doctor Isham says I have “Quinzy”

 

Fri. 21  I have suffered greatly today, with my throat and was only allowed the tiniest glimpse of my husband.  “Quinzy” is terrible.  The Doctors and Nurses would not allow me out of Hospital

 

Sat. 22  I feel some better today, tho’ I nearly chocked to death, last night and could not take any food or my medicine.  But Dr. Hill has had me gargle, every half hour all day, with clear hot water; very hot water, and it is getting the best of my Quinzy.  I was in quite serious condition.

 

Sun. 23  I slipped away from the Nurses this morning and went to Church, with Emma Munz at D. L. Moody’s Church on La Salle St. and after service we walked down to the shore of Lake Michigan and got my first look at a large body of water.  A lovely day with just wind enough, to make pretty waves.  Expect I’ve taken a big risk today.

 

Mon. 24  Did not leave the Hospital today, but don’t believe I am the worse for going yesterday

 

[Page 14]

 

March 1890 Chicago.

 

Tues. 25  A rainy bad day and I did not leave the Hospital.  I am “picking up” many German words and getting so I understand lots of it; don’t believe it would be hard to learn.

 

Wed. 26  Went down town with Emma Munz, to the Jail, Court House, P. O. and thro’ some big Stores.

 

Thurs. 27  Didn’t leave Hospital today.  They have almost every Nationality here, and surely every kind of disease and Surgical case, ever heard of.  A Hospital is most interesting.

 

Fri. 28  They tell me, I can take Johnny home now whenever I learn to dress the wound, made by operating, so I went into the Operating-room with the Doctor and Nurse this morning but it looked so badly, I could not bear to touch him.  Went down town and to the Auditorium with Lettie Uldsholdt.  And went to a Saloon, and bought some table-Beer Johnny wanted and doctors said he could have, or rather, want him to have, I wish no such stuff was made.  I hate it.

 

Sat. 29  Went out to the Division St. P. O., Lincoln Park and the Lake with Lettie Uldsholdt.  Johnny sat up a little.

 

[Page 15]

 

March 1890 Chicago.

 

Sun. 30  Went to St. James Episcopal Church this morning with Emma Munz and Lettie Uldsholdt.  After services, we went to the water-works tower and Building, then down to the Lake.  Oh! how I love the Lake, but not this dirty, noisy, City

 

Mon. 31  Did not leave the Hospital today.  Went into the Operating-room and helped dress Johnny.

 

April

 

Tues. 1st  Went down to the Lake Shore, and the waves were very high.  Also had to go again to a Saloon for Beer for Johnny.  I don’t believe a Doctor knows what he is doing when he recomends Beer.

 

Wed. 2  Went down town this morning and after dinner Emma Munz and myself, went for our last walk together, along the Lake Shore Drive.  ‘Twas a grand day and many people out.  Lettie has undergone, her operation and is very low and almost no chance to recover.

 

Thurs. 3  Johnny and I told our Hospital friends good-bye soon after dinner, Shopped a little and took 6 o’clock P. M. train, for “Home sweet Home.”  It rained, thundered and lightened awfully as our train pulled out of Depot.

 

[Page 16]

 

April 1890.

 

Fri. 4  Arrived home at noon and tho’ Johnny stood the trip well, he is very tired and weak.  He bought a number of things for himself in Chicago, just before he left, and not a single thing for me.  I could not help feeling a little hurt, especially as he was not in need of fancy Ties, Stick-pins collars and cuffs by wholesale.  But I never let him know, I felt this selfish neglect.

 

Sat. 5  I went down town on some errands.  Oh! but it is happiness, to be home again.

 

Sun. 6  Mother and rest of the Shaw’s here today to see Johnny and Mother stayed with him, while I went this evening for a car-ride with Rosie Shaw.

 

Mon. 7  Cleaning up my dirty house.

 

Tues. 8  Johnny seems much better.

 

Wed. 9  The mail carriers come in to see Johnny and he is brightening up and I believe will soon be strong as ever and wont that be glorious.

 

[Page 17]

 

April 1890 411 W-9-St, Topeka Ks.

 

Thurs. 10  Cousins Maude and Emma Howard came to see us today and I went down town with them.

 

Fri. 11  Johnny still peevish, and fretful as a baby; guess it means, he is getting well, but it is most unpleasant.

 

Sat. 12  To town to do some errands.

 

Sun. 13  Mother Shaw with us today; she is a dear old lady.

 

Mon. 14  Johnny getting better.  I went to town “shopping”

 

Tues. 15  Johnny and I went to a fire.  He gets out a little each day, but the improvement is slow.

 

Wed. 16  Johnny is to go to work inside the P. O. until he grows stronger.  Will be at Stamp Window.

 

Thurs. 17  Johnny improves in health and is cross as a Bear.

 

Fri. 18  It is nice to be home, even with a cross man, when you know he is getting well.

 

Sat. 19  A little extra work to do today.  Sometimes I have a strong presentiment that Johnny will never get well, even tho’ he is improving all the time.

 

[Page 18]

 

April 1890

 

Sun. 20  We spent the day at Jim Shaw’s.  Johnny is getting to be quite himself again.

 

Mon. 21  Johnny and I took a walk, down to Rock Island Depot this afternoon, just to get out in the air.

 

Tues. 22  Am so happy to see Johnny growing stronger

 

Wed. 28  Johnny finds his “inside” work trying, but it is better than no work, for we must live.

 

Thurs. 24  I called on Mrs. Ed. Hanway and Mrs. W. F. Conklin today; both are Carrier’s wives, like myself.

Fri. 25  Went down to Frank Shaw’s.

 

Sat. 26  I am 23 years old today and have had a world of care;  I feel like there was little in the world worth living for and life has only begun too.  Johnny and I went down town this evening, just for a walk.

 

Sun. 27  This afternoon, Johnny and I, called on Harry Bair’s, Mr. Jim Bair’s and Mr. Virgil Cook’s, then went to Church at First Christian.  Has been a fine day and we seldom get out to Church any more.

 

[Page 19]

 

April 1890 – Topeka, Ks.  411 W-9-St.

 

Mon. 28  Most beautiful day; wish I could be as happy as the day is fine but guess I’m not to know happiness.

 

Tues. 29  Another grand day and Johnny always feels better these fine days and keeps in better humor too.

 

Wed. 30  Are having such lovely days.  Wish I could be as happy as the Spring is beautiful, but I have found one can’t be happy with a cross husband, even if his crossness does indicate returning health.  It is a pretty good thing too, that he doesn’t read my Diary.  I don’t think, he knows I keep one.

 

May 1890

 

Thurs. 1st  The begining of another month and I pray for happiness.

 

Fri. 2  Wish I lived again, among the old friends, and relatives at Floral and Winfield, down in Cowley Co.

 

Sat. 3  Busy baking and cleaning

 

Sun. 4  I climbed to the State House Dome this morning on ladders and trestle work on a wager with Foreman, George Page-Brown.who did not believe I could do it. It was very dangerous, but I felt no fear.  He went up, but his wife and Johnny could not. Johnny and I went to church this eve.

 

[Page 20]

 

May 1890.

 

Mon. 5  Washed this morning.  My! What a climb I had yesterday and my muscles are sore today.  The Dome is not finished and are no floors; one just looks down, down, down into black space.  Some of the workmen are made dizzy and several have been killed but I was not the least dizzy and absolutely without fear.  Some of the ladders were roped together to make them longer and it made very long climbs, from one trestle to another before one could rest, but I just went up like a Squirrel.

 

Tues. 6  Just a busy day at home.  Johnny is so kind when in a good humor.

 

Wed. 7  Johnny and I spent the evening, with my cousin Mary Van Orsdol, 213 Fairchild St. North Topeka.

 

Thurs. 8  We spent the evening at Brother Jim Shaw’s.

 

Fri. 9  Johnny in a Tantrum again today about something I can’t find out what, and went off down town and left me alone.  I just gathered up some sewing asked Mrs. Brown to go with me and we spent evening at Frank Shaw’s.  I never told any of them how J. acted, but he was home first and looked foolish when I came in.

 

[Page 21]

 

May 1890 411 W-9-St.

 

Sat. 10  Johnny in little better humor today.  I wish he would let liquor alone; don’t believe he’d get so cross.

 

Sun. 11  Johnny and I called at George Weymouth’s this evening, but found no one at home.

 

Mon. 12  Mrs. Brown and I went shopping this afternoon.

 

Tues. 13  My ironing day, but I have mighty little work to do.  But I’d give the world for happiness.

 

Wed. 14  Busy in a little home for two that ought to be happy, but contains much misery.

 

Thurs. 15  Just working and praying the good Lord to make our home nest happy.

 

Fri. 16  Johnny went to town with me this evening and to call on the J. N. Stauffer family 1260 Top. Ave.

 

Sat. 17  Doing my usual work.  Johnny isn’t at all strong.

 

Sun. 18  We went to Church this evening.

 

Mon. 19  We went to the State House this evening to a meeting of the Knights of Pythias, in Representative Hall.

 

[Page 22]

 

May 1890 411 – W- 10 – St.

 

Tues. 20  A rainy old day and makes one gloomy.

 

Wed. 21  Mrs. Brown and I went thro’ the State House this afternoon and also down town; Johnny and I attended the Promenade Concert of the Druggist’s Convention, in Representative Hall this evening.

 

Thurs. 22  Another rainy day and Johnny is never so well such days.

 

Fri. 23  The Brown’s and us, went to a Re-Submission-meeting, at the State House, this evening; it was “n.g.”  O I hate the thought of Re-submission and liquor, but for the sake of peace, I must go to such meetings, with my husband, who is fond of his Beer.

 

Sat. 24  Busy, very busy, in my little home.

 

Sun. 25  We went to Church this evening.

 

Mon. 26  Johnny is so kind and full of fun, when in a good humor; wish could keep him that way all the time, but he isn’t strong and will drink and liquor helps to keep him cross.

 

Tues. 27  Went to P. O. with Johnny this evening; he wanted to “work up” his mail.

 

[Page 23]

 

May 1890

 

Wed. 28  Trying to be happy, in spite of my misery, trying to keep our little nest, cozy.

 

Thurs. 29  Mrs. John Stauffer, called this evening.

 

Fri. 30  “Decoration Day” and it rained hard all day.  Johnny had a half Holiday, and we took a lot of roses (we have so many) and went to brother Jim’s, and spent the evening there.  Johnny and Jim, took the roses to the cemetery.

 

Sat. 31  Too hot today, to do anything, one can get out of doing.

 

June.

 

Sun. 1st  “Childrens Day” at my church today (First Christian) and Johnny and I attended in evening; Bert, and Harry Bair & family, coming down and going with us.

 

Mon. 2  My busy day.  I sometimes think I had better have married, Will or Charlie or Oren and I might have been happy.  I don’t like, to think these things but they will come up, when Johnny gets an ugly, spell.

 

Tues. 3  Went to P. O. this evening with Johnny to “work up” his mail.  I can help a little and he likes to have me along with him.  I wish he was more kind, tho’ I know he loves me dearly.

 

[Page 24]

 

June 1890  411 W-9-St.

 

Wed. 4  Married nine months today and don’t know what to think of the life; sometimes I am happy and sometimes, utterly, miserable; and I know, marriage, has brought more tears, than smiles; and drink and temper, cause of it.

 

Thurs. 5  Busy, “playing” keep-house.

 

Fri. 6  The Brown’s and us, went to an Art Exhibition at Library Hall, this evening.

 

Sat. 7  Johnny and rest of Mail carriers, drove out to Mill Creek, this evening, to stay over night and fish and of course took a load of Beer along.  I went with Mr. & Mrs. Brown down to the Tabernacle in Oakland, to the Musical Festival; it was just splendid.

 

Sun. 8  Johnny and the Carriers came home about noon; no fish.  Rained this evening.

 

Mon. 9  We went this evening, with Mr. & Mrs. George Weymouth, to Turner Gardens, to a Turnfest, and some old fool, half full of Beer, tried to make a mash on me.  I would like to have busted his old head for him.  The Singing and Games, were fine, but too much Beer there to suit me.

 

[Page 25]

 

June 1890

 

Tues. 11  Canning Cherries and Mrs. Brown, helped me “pit” them; today is her Birthday.

 

Thurs. 12  Canning more Cherries today.

 

Fri. 13  Am still canning today and so very busy.

 

Sat. 14  Finished my canning fruit today.

 

Sun. 15  Johnny and I went to Church this evening

 

Mon. 16  My washday, but I get my washing out, before most people have their Breakfast.

 

Tues. 17  Went to a meeting of Lincoln Circle, J. A. R. this afternoon.

 

Wed. 18  Johnny seems to have fully recovered his health tho’ he still coughs a little.

 

Thurs. 19  My home life, would be happy if Johnny would quit drinking; he is only a moderate drinker, but it is a little every day and is harmful to his health.

 

Fri. 20  Called on Mrs. Ol Hitt (Tillie Sloan) this afternoon, but she was not at home.

 

[Page 26]

 

June 1890  411 – W-9-St Topeka Ks

 

Sat. 21  Went up town Shopping this afternoon.

 

Sun. 22  We went to Church this evening and after preaching Rev. Smith, married a young couple; understood the groom’s name was Young.

 

Mon. 28  Rather busy today.  I stay very closely and it pleases Johnny, who says he doesn’t like to see a woman always gadding or on the streets.

 

Tues. 24  We had Mr. & Mrs. George Weymouth and family here to Supper this evening.

 

Wed. 25  We are getting into the warm days of Summer but they will help restore Johnny’s health.

 

Thurs. 26  I don’t find enough to do, to keep busy in this “play-house” existence.

 

Fri. 27  Mrs. Brown and I visit each other a great deal for neither of us, has much work to do.

 

Sat. 28  Went down town this afternoon, shopping.

 

Sun. 29  Hearing the Fire-alarm this morning, Mrs. Brown and I (we live just across the Street) ran for the State House and

 

[Page 27]

 

June 1890

 

Climbed to the Dome, to get a view of the fire, but didn’t see it.  Mr. Brown was at State House; for they work every day, including Sunday, so to finish on time.  Dome is pretty well floored now.  Johnny and I, went to Geo. Weymouth’s to spend afternoon, and then to Church, where we listened to a very fine Missionary talk by a young Armemian in costume, who is working his way thro’ College, preparatory to a Missionary life.

 

Mon. 30  Busy and not busy, but its wash day.

 

July.

 

Tues. 1  The days are warm and I try to think they will bring fully restored health to Johnny.

Wed. 2  Another day at home with nothing to do

 

Thurs. 3  I wish I knew how to always keep Johnny in a good humor, because then he is so jolly.

 

Fri. 4  “Fourth of July.”  I went up town in morning with Johnny and in afternoon, we went out to Potwin and over to Garfield Park.

 

Sat. 5  Had my little Saturday work to do.

 

Sun. 6  We went to United Presbyterian this evening to hear Rev. McKiraban preach

 

[Page 28]

 

July 1890

 

Mon. 7  I doubt if Johnny is ever, real strong again.

 

Tues. 8  Cousin Maude Howard and Mrs. Hubbard called.

 

Wed. 9  Home, but it is not a very happy place to be

 

Thurs. 10  I am not the happiest girl in the world.

 

Fri. 11  Busy, tho’ not often, the days are full.

 

Sat. 12  We went to Jim Shaw’s this evening.  Jim is so kind to his family; he hasn’t a temper like Johnny.

 

Sun. 13  We went to Church this evening at our own church.

 

Mon. 14  My little old washing, was about all I had to do.

 

Tues. 15  Went to a meeting of Lincoln Circle, No 1. This this afternoon and after the meeting, with a Committee, to call on Mrs. Culp and extend her our sympathy, because of the drowning of her son in the the Natatorium.

 

Wed. 16  We went to a Temperance Lecture in the State House, this evening.  It is a wonder Johnny would go tho’, for he believes in Saloons.

 

[Page 29]

 

July 1890  411 W-9-St. Topeka Ks.

 

Thurs. 17  Cousin Will Van Orsdol, took Supper with us this evening.  The days are warm.

 

Fri. 18  Cousin Will here again today; awfully warm.

 

Sat. 19  Really quite busy.  Cousins Maud and Emma Howard called this afternoon and Owen Pepper (my third cousin) staid all night with us.

 

Sun. 20  We went up on State House Dome this morning or just to the Dome, with Mr. & Mrs. Brown.  The view is grand.  We went to Church this evening.

 

Mon. 21  I have a mighty good mother-in-law, if I have got a cross husband; his mother, stands by me always.

 

Tues. 22  Mother, Johnny & I, went to Jim and Frank Shaw’s this evening.  They all seem to think lots of me.

 

Wed. 23  Not much to do, but I read my Bible and try to live a good life every day.

 

Thurs. 24  I wish I could get my husband into the Church.

 

Fri. 25  Cousins Maude Howard & Prudence Pepper, and Mother, Johnny & I, went out to Potwin, to see Balloon Ascension by Prof. Craig.  Marshall’s Band also gave a Concert.

 

[Page 30]

 

July 1890.

 

Sat. 26  We borrowed brother Jim’s horse & buggy and took little Willie Shaw and drove to Wakarusa this afternoon, to stay all night and fish.  Awfully hot and mosquitoes quite bad, and Willie did not like the idea of sleeping out doors; it was a “picnic.”

 

Sun. 27  Got home from our fishing-trip at noon, tired and hot, with two little fish.

 

Mon. 28  Johnny is taking part of his vacation, so we went out to Silver Lake, to uncle Geo. Van Orsdol’s today and staid all night.

 

Tues. 29  Uncle George, took cousins May, Jennie, Bessie, Gene, Ira and Fred, Frank & Belle, and Tom Van Orsdol and Bert Howard, and Johnny & I (13) up on Soldier Creek in Jackson Co, this morning on a fishing trip.  We had a nice camping place for the night and the men seined and for once got our fill of fish; also some fine frogs, but no thank you, no “frog-legs” in mine, tho’ the rest feasted.

 

Wed. 30  Fiercely hot.  Got back to Uncle Geo. Van’s late this evening and staid all night.  Brought lots of fish.

 

Thurs. 31  Went to Uncle Marian Van’s for dinner and to Uncle Frank Van’s for supper and to stay all night.  Hot.

 

[Page 31]

August 1890

 

Fri. 1st  We came home from Silver Lake today.  We went down town this evening.

 

Sat. 2  We went down town this evening.  Hot days.

 

Sun. 3  We spent the day with Uncle Charlie Howard’s over in North Topeka.

 

Mon. 4  Johnny back to work today, and the house is so quiet.

 

Tues. 5  Went down town this afternoon with Mother Shaw.  Cousin Geo. Van Orsdol, staid all night with us.

 

Wed. 6  I had work enough today, to keep me busy.

 

Thurs. 7  Called on Mrs. Tillie Sloan – Hitt and Mrs. Kistler, this afternoon.

 

Fri. 8  Tried to keep busy at home today.

 

Sat. 9  Baking and cleaning; when busy, one almost forgets they are unhappy, and I try to think I’m a happy girl

 

Sun. 10  We went to brother Jim Shaw’s this afternoon.

 

Mon. 11  Johnny is so profane; curses dreadfully when angry and I try so hard to please him.

 

[Page 32]

 

August 1890

 

Tues. 12  Called on Mrs. Alice Jones, out on W-8th St. this afternoon.  I owe so many Calls.

 

Wed. 13  Went out to Lowman Hill, and visited with Mrs. Chas. Roby this afternoon.

 

Thurs. 14  Went “shopping” this afternoon.

 

Fri. 15  Went down town with Johnny this evening and then we went to a Band Concert at State House.

 

Sat. 16  Rained very hard this evening.  As much as I know Johnny loves me, he is ugly natured to me.

 

Sun. 17  We went to Oakland Grove, this evening, for a car ride.  The days are pretty warm.

 

Mon. 18  Went Shopping this afternoon and this means just to buy actual necessities.

 

Tues. 19  We went to the Circus this evening, but I hardly enjoy, going anywhere, for I never know what moment, Johnny will go into a fit of anger.

 

Wed. 20  Went to town for groceries, after dinner.  I never have money only for actual needs.

 

[Page 33]

 

August 1890  411 – W-9-St.

 

Thurs. 21  We went over on Quincy St. this evening to see the Wizard Oil Medicine Troupe.  I laughed at their fun, until nearly sick.

 

Fri. 22  I went to North Topeka this afternoon, to visit Aunt Delia Howard and this evening, Johnny and I again, went to the “Wizard Oil Show.”  There was an immense crowd.  Show was fine.

 

Sat. 23  Trying to keep busy, with only work to do, for two.

 

Sun. 24  We went down to brother Jim’s this evening.

 

Mon. 25  Everything going as usual.  One has to appear happy whether they are or not.

 

Tues. 26  We went to the Wizard Oil Concert, tonight; it is an “out-door” affair, but one can buy a “chair” for ten cents and the Concert is most splendid; all men with good voices.

 

Wed. 27  We went to the W.O. Concert again tonight.  They are all good singers and good musicians; play various instruments and most always give, some little “play-let.”

 

Thurs. 28  My housework took all my time today.

 

[Page 34]

 

August 1890

 

Fri. 29  I went down town this afternoon.

 

Sat. 30  We went to the Wizard Oil Concert this evening and I laughed until I nearly died.

 

Sun. 31  We spent the day at home alone.  I never dreamed my life could be so unhappy.

 

September 1890

 

Mon. 1  Went up town this morning to see the Labor Day Parade..”

 

Tues. 2  At home with my work and a heavy heart.

 

Wed. 3  Not doing much today, but visit with Mrs. Brown.

 

Thurs. 4  Our first Wedding Anniversary, and the year has been so full of tears.  I pray God, the coming year may be more happy.  I cannot admit, even to myself, that I am unhappy, and yet I know I am not happy.  Johnny has an ungovernable temper, and I never know when he is angry at me or some one else, but whomever it may be, he takes his spite out on me.  I know he loves me, is proud of me but he lets his temper rule him and make him unkind.

 

[Page 35]

 

September 1890

 

Fri. 5  Trying to live a christian life, each day that I may help my husband to be a better man.

 

Sat. 6  A heavy heart, is hard to cover with smiles, yet my husband does not know it is ever sad; he never hears a complaint from me and I always show the smiling side, however hard, it may be to do so.

 

Sun. 7  We were home all day.  I really don’t have clothes fit to wear to Church.

 

Mon. 8  Wash day again and that means “busy” a little bit beside, I canned Peaches.

 

Tues. 9  Canning Peaches today.  This evening, we, with the Brown’s went to Wizard Oil Concert.

 

Wed. 10  Canning Peaches again today and we also went to the W. O. Concert again tonight.  I never laughed so much in my life.

 

Thurs. 11  Went to town with Johnny this evening, then we went over to the Wizard Concert and had our usual laugh; we ought to grow fat.

 

Fri. 12  Just a quiet day at home.  I wish Johnny was a robust man, he would not get so cross.

 

[Page 36]

 

September 1890

 

Sat. 13  We went to the Wizard Concert this evening.  They are drawing large crowds, and very best people too.

 

Sun. 14  Johnny didn’t want to go to Church and I was ashamed to go alone, so we staid home.

 

Mon. 15  We went to Wizard Oil Concert this evening; an immense crowd and the usual fun.

 

Tues. 16  Worked like a “busy Bee” all day.

 

Wed. 17  Went with Mrs. Brown, to see the Odd Fellows Parade, this afternoon and this evening the Browns and us, went to the Wizard Concert.  They are surely great fun makers.

 

Thurs. 18  We, with the Brown’s spent the whole day at the State Fair, which was very good; we especially enjoyed the Races.  Late in the afternoon it commenced to rain and rained very hard all evening; the roof of the Grand Stand leaked, we could get no carriage and finally, when near 10 oclock, we got a covered express wagon, we were awfully wet and cold, and much out of sorts.  But then everyone else, was in same fix.  Nearly mid-night, when we got home.

 

[Page 37]

 

September 1890

 

Fri. 19  Not at all well; took cold from getting so wet last night at the Fair.

 

Sat. 20  Johnny and I went to the Fair this afternoon and had a dryer time; have a cold.  Races good

 

Sun. 21  Johnny went to Church with me, this evening.

 

Mon. 22  Went to P. O. with Johnny this evening to work his mail.

 

Tues. 23  Went to P. O. again this evening with Johnny.

 

Wed. 24  Married life, would be a happy life, if one could keep their husband in a good humor but what a temper mine has.

 

Thurs. 25  Tho’ quite busy, I have time to think, how heavy my heart gets many times.  What a scourge is drink.

 

Fri. 26  A real busy day, tho’ I never have much to do.

 

Sat. 27  Went to town, this afternoon on several little errands.

 

Sun. 28  We went to Geo. Weymouth’s (1207 Lincoln St.) this this afternoon and to Church this evening, where Rev. Wharton, who has been a Missionary in India for 8 years, preached a good Sermon.

 

[Page 38]

 

September 1890

 

Mon. 29  My busiest day.

 

Tues. 30  While we believe Johnny is a well man, he does not seem as strong, as we hoped he would be and it keeps me worried.

October 1890

 

Wed. 1st  Went down street on a little Shopping tour, this afternoon.

 

Thurs. 2  We, and the Browns, went to the Wizard Concert this evening, just splendid.  I am not at all well.

 

Fri. 3  In bed all day with high fever.  It means I might have been a mother, but will not this time.  I’m sorry.

 

Sat. 4  In bed all day again and my fever very high  Johnny went to Forepaugh’s Circus, tonight with the Brown’s and left me all alone in the house.  I felt hurt, that he would go and leave me at such a time, with only his own pleasure in mind, while I am sick at home because of him.  But I let him go with a kiss and a smile and he never dreamed how my heart ached.  I find him a very selfish man.  I wanted him home tonight so much

 

[Page 39]

 

October 1890

 

Sun. 5  Sat up a little today, but ‘twas a big risk, to do so; but Johnny doesn’t like to have me in bed.

 

Mon. 6  Was up part of today.

 

Tues. 7  I sat up awhile today and feel strong.

 

Wed. 8  I walked out around the State House today tho’ I suppose I should not, but I feel strong.

 

Thurs. 9  I went to The Old Soldiers Reunion at Fair Grounds this afternoon and visited at Uncle Marian Van Orsdol’s Camp.

 

Fri. 10  Went up town this morning to see a Parade of School Children, Old Soldiers and our President Benjamin Harrison; was a perfect mass of people on the street.  Our President is a fine looking man.  This afternoon, Johnny, mother, Mrs. Brown and I, went to the Reunion at the Fair Grounds, which was simply grand.  We listened to an address by President Harrison, and witnessed a splendid “Sham Battle” tho’ it seemed very dangerous.

 

Sat. 11  We went to Wizard Oil Concert tonight.  The Company is going to leave the City soon.

 

[Page 40]

 

October 1890

411 – W-9-St, Topeka Ks.

 

Sun. 12  Rained so hard, couldn’t go to Church.

Mon. 13  Johnny is not real well and I am worrying.

 

Tues. 14  Just resting today.  Thro. the Summer, Johnny seemed to have regained his health, but now that Fall, has come he is not real well and I feel he never will be well – O its dreadful.

 

Wed. 15  The Brown’s are preparing to move away from the City, and we shall miss them greatly.

 

Thurs. 16  I just sit at home and wonder what the future has for me and I dread it, because of the forebodings that come to me.  O, if Johnny could only be strong.

 

Fri. 17  I went with Mr. & Mrs. Brown, thro’ the State Insane Assylum and the City and County Jails, this afternoon.  Both are terrible places, but I would rather lose my mind, than be a Criminal

 

Sat. 18  Went out to see Lizzie Roby-Bair, this afternoon.

 

Sun. 19  The Browns and us went to Oakland for a car ride this afternoon.

 

Mon. 20  A most busy wash-day.

 

[Page 41]

 

October 1890

 

Tues. 21  Went Shopping this afternoon, but my Shopping always means buying the bare necessities.

 

Wed. 22  Mrs. Brown asked me to go shopping with her this afternoon and this evening, Johnny and I, were the guests of the Brown’s for Supper, at the largest Resturant in town.  They left on the 11 o’clock P. M. train, for a new home in Denver.

 

Thurs. 23  We miss the Brown’s today; the house has been so still I could hardly work.

 

Fri. 24  Went to P. O. with Johnny this evening, to work up his mail, which is very heavy.

 

Sat. 25  We went down town this evening.  Johnny isn’t strong.

 

Sun. 26  We went to Church this evening.  A good Sermon too.

 

Mon. 27  Johnny coughs so much, I am dreadfully worried

 

Tues. 28  We went down town this evening, just for a walk.

 

Wed. 29  My! but I miss Mrs. Brown but we are glad to have all the house.

 

Thurs. 30  Trying to keep busy, with nothing to do, and little to do with.  I pray Johnny may grow strong.

 

[Page 42]

 

Oct. and November 1890

 

Fri. 31  Mother and I, went to the Grand Opera House this afternoon to hear Ex-Governor Robinson talk on “Re-submission,” of Prohibition law.  I only cared to see the man, as Kansas’, first Governor, for I’m decidedly against Resubmission.

 

Sat. 1st  A busy day.  I am alone, except at meals, and the house seems deathly still, since Browns left.

 

Sun. 2  Very cold, so did not go to Church.  Johnny coughs worse.

 

Mon. 3  Still cold and it makes Johnny cough worse.

 

Tues. 4  Went to Lincoln Circle – G. A. R. Ladies – this afternoon.  We have fine times there.

 

Wed. 5  I so love to be at home, tho’ it is none to happy because Johnny is so cross most of time and his cough worries me, nearly sick.  I believe he is going into Consumption and will never get well, and it nearly kills me.  He believes he will get strong, and never suspects anything serious, and I must be brave and never let him know the terrible forebodings and premonition, that comes to me; but I feel sure he will never be a well man again and its hard to be cheerful.

 

[Page 43]

 

November 1890

411-W-9-St.

 

Thurs. 6  Never a day passes, that Johnny doesn’t take his drink, and I am so radically against such things, so of course am most unhappy over it but never oppose his wishes and allow him to keep liquor in the house all the time, which he would do anyway, for he knows how bitterly I hate the stuff and know its harmful to him.

 

Fri. 7  Went out to Mrs. Geo. Weymouth’s and spent the afternoon.

 

Sat. 8  Rained very hard today and Johnny is never so well, such days.

 

Sun. 9  A disagreable day and we didn’t go to church.

 

Mon. 10  Went to town this afternoon, on some errands.

 

Tues. 11  Johnny is not at all well, tho’ he keeps working.

 

Wed. 12  I worry so about Johnny, for tho’ he seems fairly well, I know he is not.

 

Thurs. 13  Johnny taking part of his vacation and we spent the afternoon at Brother Jim’s and staid to Supper.

 

Fri. 14  Rained today and Johnny not well; coughs badly.

 

Sat. 15  Still raining and Johnny at home with me.

 

[Page 44]

 

November 1890

 

Sun. 16  And still it rains, so we didn’t go to Church.

 

Mon. 17  We spent the afternoon at Geo. Weymouth’s.  They seem to like us greatly and are always urging us to come to meals.  She is a funny body.

 

Tues. 18  Went to Lincoln Circle this afternoon at G. A. R. Hall, 6 and Quincy.  Mrs. Sam Wood, Mrs. Brussman, Mrs. Edson, Mrs. Cartlidge, Mrs. Galbreath, Mrs. Cart Mrs. Sage, Mrs. Gordon, Mrs. Mollie Hunter and many more lovely women, are members and my friends.

 

Wed. 19  We and the Weymouth family, spent the afternoon Hunting, west of town; got a few Quail.

 

Thurs. 20  We got Brother Jim’s horse and buggy and spent the whole day Hunting, and took dinner at Uncle Charlie Howard’s in Shorey.  Uncle Will Van Orsdol, was there from Mt. Pleasant, Iowa; the first time I had seen him, since I was 5 years old.

 

Fri. 21  Went down town this afternoon

 

Sat. 22  We spent the day, out in the country hunting and drove to Uncle Frank Van Orsdol’s at Silver Lake and staid all night and had a fine time too.

 

[Page 45]

 

November 1890

 

Sun. 23  We visited Uncle George and Uncle Marian Van Orsdols this forenoon, took dinner with Uncle Frank’s (and it was a grand dinner) then we drove home to Topeka; Had a grand time.

 

Mon. 24  I went to town this afternoon.  Johnny grows no better and we have made up our minds to visit my people in Colorado, hoping the change of climate will help him grow strong.  We can’t afford the trip, but have got to take it, for he wont get well here.

 

Tues. 25  Went to see Miss Hale this afternoon, to get her to make over a dress for me.  I can’t afford a new one.

 

Wed. 26  To Miss Hales with my dress, this afternoon.

 

Thurs. 27  “Thanksgiving Day,” and Mother and Brother Jim’s family came for dinner and we were quite happy together, tho’ worried and anxious as Johnny is having Hemorages.

 

Fri. 28  To Miss Hales, this afternoon to try on my dress.

 

Sat. 29  To town with Johnny and to Miss Hales to get my dress this afternoon.

 

Sun. 30  Uncle Will Van Orsdol, spent the day with us.  Our last Sunday in this little home.

 

[Page 46]

 

December 1890

 

Mon. 1st  Busy packing today, to go to Colorado.  Johnny is in very poor health and I feel, will never be well.

 

Tues. 2  Sold some of our things and “storing” the rest.  Breaking up housekeeping and we had only just begun.  Our last day in this little home, and while I have been more unhappy, than happy in it, I hate to leave it, for here we began our married life and had hoped to be so happy.  I feel all the time a presentiment of trouble ahead.  We came to brother Jim Shaw’s to stay all night.

 

Wed. 3  We went out to Geo. Weymouths and to Frank Shaws to tell them good-bye and took the 1:15 P. M. Santa Fe train, for a visit to my father and sister, at Springfield Colo.  Johnny thinks we are going for only two weeks but I know we will have to stay all winter.

 

Thurs. 4  Arrived in Lamar, Colo at 5 o’clock A. M. and was met at train by my brother-in-law, Lyman Gilbert who immediately started with us, for his home, a 50 miles drive, due South; we stopped for Breakfast just as passed the Sand Hills.  Had Antelope for Breakfast, and was mighty good.  Arrived at Lyman’s 7:30 this evening very tired, tho’ the day was fine but cool to us.

 

[Page 47]

 

December 1890

 

Fri. 5  Awakened, after a good nights rest, to find a very foggy morning.  How strange this new country seems.  Fifty miles from a Railroad and in a sparsely settled, Ranch country, with nearly all the Settlers in “Dugouts” and Sod Houses;  Lyman, sister May and children drove with us this morning, three miles to my father’s.  We gave Pa a big surprise, as we had not let him know we were coming.  Haven’t seen him, nor any of the folks since I was married.   My little neice, Zaidee, could not talk, when I last saw her and she has grown so; and sister has such a sweet baby boy, little James, four months old.  Zaidee is a nice little girl, inclined to be a little timid and is a little droll, or old-fashioned.  We staid all night with Pa who lives in a Dug-out.  A fine big one.  Lyman’s is rather small.

 

Sat. 6  Visiting hard with Pa’s all day.  Snowing all day and could not get out doors.

 

Sun. 7  All the day at Pa’s.  Bright and clear and a fine air;  It must surely benefit Johnny.

 

Mon. 8  Pa took Johnny and I to Springfield this afternoon to show us the little Ranch Village.  I weigh 118.  Johnny 112

 

[Page 48]

 

December 1890 Springfield Colo

 

Tues. 9  Pa, Johnny, Lyman and some of their friends left this morning for a weeks Hunt, to the “Cedars,” thirty miles distant in the Canons and I went to sister’s to stay while they are gone.  I have met a few old acquaintances here from Cowley Co, Kansas and two school-mates, Pearle and Florus Friend.

 

Wed. 10  At sisters.  O I do enjoy her babies.  This is a lovely country and the air fine, but its so new there must be deprivations and hardships.

 

Thurs. 11  With my sister May.  It seems so new; just broad prairies, no fences, roads runing criss cross and every way and just now and then a house.

 

Fri. 12  Still at Sister’s and a most beautiful day.  Every one turns their cattle out on the Range and at night, they return home; seldom need to go after them

 

Sat. 13  At Sister’s.  A beautiful day and this morning I saw the most wonderful and beautiful Mirage; a new and most interesting sight to me; one just gazes in wonderment.

 

Sun. 14  Still with my sister.  James is the dearest best Baby; he is just too good.

 

[Page 49]

 

December 1890

 

Mon. 15  The Hunters returned today; got nothing but small game, but Johnny enjoyed the trip very much, and is enthusiastic over the beauty of the Cedars.

 

Tues. 16  Johnny and I went to Pa’s for dinner, but came back to sister’s to stay all night.

 

Wed. 17  Johnny and I walked three miles to Springfield, went home with Pa, from there, for dinner then walked over to sister’s, three miles to stay all night.  I’m “turned around” here in my directions; am only straight when at Sisters.

 

Thurs. 18  At May & Lyman’s all day and night.  Are having such a good visit.

 

Fri. 19  We spent the day at Pa’s but came back to sister’s to stay all night.  Johnny feels much better.

 

Sat. 20  With Lyman, May & children and Pa and family we went Jack Rabbit hunting today and called on Will Painton’s down on the San Arroya or “Sand Roy” as they call it.  We were old friends at Floral, Kansas, many years ago when Mrs. Painton was Anna Poe and I was Mattie Van Orsdol.  Its nine miles to Painton’s and country level as a floor.  We staid all night at Pa’s.

 

[Page 50]

 

December 1890 Springfield Colo.

 

Sun. 21  Spent the day at sisters and staid over night too.  Are enjoying this country tho’ the Settlers are few and far between.

 

Mon. 22  Today and night with my sister.  Johnny is 31 years old today.  He is feeling fine.

 

Tues. 23  We went to Pa’s today, just for a little while, then came back to sister’s.

 

Wed. 24  We went over to Pa’s this afternoon and with them, this evening, to a Christmas tree up in the little Ranch Village of Springfield.  And had a fine time.  All night at Pa’s.

 

Thurs. 25  “Christmas Day” in the far West.  May and Lyman and Children, spent the day at Pa’s and it was a lovely day; no snow and warm.  We were out most of afternoon, hunting “specimens” – pretty stones – and found many, among them, large quantities of Moss Agates.  This evening, May & Lyman, Johnny & I walked over to Springfield, to a “Masked Ball.”  We “masked” in our wedding clothes – my dress of white satin and lace; I took off the train.  We had a very jolly time and found a number of good dancers there.

 

[Page 51]

 

December 1890

 

Fri. 26  At Pa’s and some sleepy today; will hit the bed early tonight.

 

Sat. 27  We are at Pa’s.  We like the novelty of being in a new country, but would not want to live away from all civilization, although there is something facinating about Pioneer life.

 

Sun. 28  Went to sisters today.  Baby James is so sweet and Zaidee is cute, in her little droll way.

 

Mon. 29  We went over to Pa’s today and with him, upon the prairie, to dig out a Wolf, which we did not succeed in doing.  We went over to Springfield with Mr. McHenry.

 

Tues. 30  At home with Pa.  We are learning to eat Jack Rabbit; this country is full of them and every one eats them; back home we didn’t consider them fit to eat.

 

Wed. 31  At Pa’s.  “Blew-up” very cold today, giving us a taste of a Colorado Winter.  Johnny is much better than when we came.  We brought ten dollars worth of medicine with us and I don’t believe he will need any more.  I hope my heart-ache and worries are all over, with the ending of the Old Year.

 

[Page 52]

 

January 1891 Springfield Colo.

 

Thurs. 1st  “New Years Day” and so bitter cold, we staid the entire day in the house; no one “coming and no one going.”  Johnny’s cough is so much better and I pray God, for his complete recovery in this new year.

 

Fri. 2  Are still at Pa’s.  Johnny controls his temper better here, for he is ashamed to let my folks see him, get angry at me for nothing, but sometimes when we are by ourselves, he is very ugly to me.

 

Sat. 3  Still at Pa’s and the weather fine again.  Cousin Vella – she is also my adopted sister – and I out, hunting Indian Beads and found quite a number.  There is a very large, black Ant, here, that gathers sand about its home to the amount of several bushel and in this coarse sand, we find many beads, of every color; these Ant, or sand hills, are all up and down, Cat and Bear Creek, and there must have been a large Indian Camp or Village, here, sometime or perhaps a Battle, between tribes, for there is no other way to account for these Beads.  Mrs. Haight, one of the Settlers, gathered Beads from various Ant hills, until she had a string thirteen feet long.

 

[Page 53]

 

January 1891

 

Sun.4  At home with Pa, and hunting Indian Beads, again.  One has to “watch out” for the Ants, as their sting is much like the sting of a Bee and swells, worse many times.  One finds these Beads in the Ant hills, for miles around, tho more thickly near my father’s Ranch, along the Creek.

 

Mon. 5  Still at Pa’s and Johnny’s cough seems almost well.  He shows his temper at times too.

 

Tues. 6  Johnny and I walked over to Springfield this afternoon for the mail – its only a mile and a half from Pa’s.  There is a two story stone School-house two Stores, Drug Store, Hardware Store, Feed Store, Hotel and Saloon and several other little business places.  The Stage, brings mail every day and is a weekly-paper published.  This evening I went up to Mr. Milt Gordon’s with Vella.  I use to know Milt, in fact “went with him a few times, back in Floral, Cowley Co. Kansas.  I find a number of old acquaintances in this new country.

 

Wed. 7  We, with Pa’s and Lyman’s went up to Milt Gordon’s this afternoon, to see the new baby, born last night; a boy, Elmer.  We went home with Lyman’s to stay all night.  Johnny killed his first Jack Rabbit this morning and is tickled to death.

 

[Page 54]

 

January 1891 Springfield, Los Animos Cs Colorado.

 

Thurs. 8  At Sister’s and it snowed all day.

 

Fri. 9  Still with my sister; clear and cold.  James is the dearest baby, with great big brown eyes.

 

Sat. 10  Enjoying our visit at sister’s.  Johnny improves every day and will surely get well in this climate.

 

Sun. 11  Too cold today to go anywhere; we surely enjoy May’s two children and are having a fine visit.

 

Mon. 12  Are still at Sister’s.  Are having some winter too

 

Tues. 13  Weather moderated greatly.  We went over to Springfield this morning, then to Pa’s for the day and back to sister’s to stay all night.

 

Wed. 14  Johnny grows into better health every day and I am so happy over it.

 

Thurs. 15  Still at the Gilbert Ranch; so cold can’t get out much, to do any visiting.

 

Fri. 16 At Sister’s.  We enjoy the children and little Jimmy “hangs to” Johnny; is beginning to notice things more.

 

Sat. 17  At Sister’s with nothing to do but visit.

 

[Page 55]

 

January 1891

 

Sun. 18  Lyman and May and the children, and us, all came over to Pa’s to spend the day and we to stay all night.

 

Mon. 19  At Pa’s.  We all went up to Milt Gordon’s this afternoon.  The new baby doing fine; they have had a number of children, but none have ever lived.

 

Tues. 20  At Pa’s’ weather like Summer and we get out and wander around the few hills and canons, for pastime and to a most glorious Spring, over in Stump’s Canon.  Am afraid I’ll

get lazy.

 

Wed. 21  Enjoying our visit at Pa’s.  Johnny hasn’t got well, of his ill-temper, out here yet.

 

Thurs. 22  At Pa’s with nothing to do but be lazy.

 

Fri. 23  At home with Pa.  I enjoy this country, but would not want to live here, for one doesn’t see much but broad stretches of prairie, Range cattle and Jack Rabbits.

 

Sat. 24  At Pa’s.  Are having glorious weather.

 

Sun. 25  Sister and family spent the day at Pa’s and we had a happy day together.  Johnny is very fond of James; he is such a dear baby but not as pretty as Zaidee was when a baby.

 

[Page 56]

 

January 1891

 

Mon. 26  Johnny gets out and hunts Jack Rabbits quite often; he is a crack shot too.

 

Tues. 27  Johnny seems in fine health.  One thing about this country, anything that dies, just dries up and mumifies, without making a stink.

 

Wed. 28  We are still at Pa’s.  They have such fine water here.  Pa has a well of soft water.

 

Thurs. 29  At Pa’s.  We enjoy the fine air in this country.

 

Fri. 30  Still at Pa’s.  Johnny is really growing fat and doesn’t cough any more or very very seldom.

 

Sat. 31  At Pa’s.  Just watching Johnny grow strong; he has such a hearty appetite it does one good to watch him eat.  If he will only stay here long enough, he will get back to perfect health, but he feels so well, that he already begins to talk of our returning home, that he may go to work again.  O I hope we can persuade him, he must not go, for many months yet.

 

[Page 57]

 

February 1891

 

Sun. 1st  We and Pa’s came up to my sisters to spend the day, then Johnny & I went back home with Pa.

 

Mon. 2  We are still at Pa’s and Johnny continues to grow strong; It’s a grand climate here.

 

Tues. 3  Johnny and I came up to my sisters today.  It seems funny, to never hear a train, or see any one passing; the country is so still.

 

Wed. 4  Still at the Gilbert home.  James plays, and grows more sweet every day.

 

Thurs. 5  With sister, James is the best baby I ever saw and “stands” for lots of neglect from his mother, who gets busy and almost forgets him.

 

Fri. 6  Still at the Gilbert home.  Lyman is a model husband and father.  I wish Johnny was.

 

Sat. 7  At May and Lyman’s – a mighty nice little family and a happy one – two fine children.

 

Sun. 8  At May’s and it is very cold.  Some 300 Range cattle, came down this evening from the North, driven by the cold; they look half starved, too.

 

[Page 58]

 

February 1891

 

Mon. 9  Still at my sister’s.  There is a very pitiful side to the question, of “Rangers,or Range Cattle.  These cattle must rustle their living on the prairies, and the cold and snow, drive them here, by hundreds, from the North; to protect their own Stock who need this pasture, the Settlers, drive them back again and many perish from hunger.  I think there should be a law, to not allow these big Ranchmen, to keep more cattle than they can properly feed and take care of; its cruel.

 

Tues. 10  Lyman’s and us spent the day at Pa’s and we will stay all night.

 

Wed. 11  We are with Pa today at Belle View Ranch.

 

Thurs. 12  We came over to Sister’s today; she isn’t very well nursing such a big, fat, sweet baby boy.

 

Fri. 13  Doing the work for my sister, who isn’t well.

 

Sat. 14  Still with the Gilberts.  Little Zaidee is so innocent, Johnny likes to play tricks on her.

 

Sun. 15 At sister Mays.  So warm and fine that Johnny and I took a walk over to Big Canon, this afternoon.

 

[Page 59]

 

February 1891

 

Mon. 16  With my sister.  I believe Johnny is in perfect health; but his temper doesn’t improve.

 

Tues. 17  At May’s.  Johnny is so well, we must soon think of returning home to Topeka.

 

Wed. 18  Sister feels quite herself again.  Johnny embarrasses me very much sometimes, by getting angry at some little thing and “going for me” before my people; he feels so well acquainted now he doesn’t care for their seeing him angry.

 

Thurs. 19  At Sister’s.  Johnny never coughs any more and I am so happy, to see him well, once more.

 

Fri. 20  We all came over to Pa’s today, it being my step-mother;s Birthday, and we stay all night.

 

Sat. 21  We all went over to Springfield this afternoon to some Races.  Horse races, Foot races and men who afoot, raced against horses.  The Settlers have to do something to amuse themselves, and the Races, brought out a crowd.  We went home with my sister from the Races.

 

Sun. 22  Pa’s folks spent the day here at Sister’s.  We have such good times together.

 

[Page 60]

 

February 1891

 

Mon. 23  With Sisters family, Johnny’s temper has not improved one bit with his health.


Tues. 24  At Sister’s.  I so much enjoy her babies.

 

Wed. 25  At Sisters.  What a lonely and starved existence is a Pioneer life; neighbors so far apart, and too there is something fascinating about it.

 

Thurs. 26  At May’s.  Little Jimmy grows sweeter every day.

 

Fri. 27  Still at Sister’s.  We must soon go back to Topeka and I shall hate to leave them all.

 

Sat. 28  Still at my Sister’s.  How innocent Zaidee is.  She brought in a small Snowball and Johnny told her to put it in a cup and set on the stove and warm it a little and it would not be so cold on her fingers; she did so, and wondered who took it, when she found it melted.  Johnny delights to joke and tease.

 

March 1891

 

Sun. 1st  We all went down to Pa’s today for the day together and Johnny and I will stay all night.

 

[Page 61]

 

March 1891

 

Mon. 2  At Pa’s, Vella and I asked Johnny to go with us to hunt Indian Beads, but he got in a tantrum about something and wouldn’t do it, so we went off by ourselves and after about an hour, here he came sulking and so mad, he wouldn’t speak, because we had dared to go without him, but he finally got in a better humor; we found a number of Beads and Johnny found a steel arrow point in a sand hill.

 

Tues. 3  I rode over to Sister’s, on horseback this evening, for a little visit, for I am going on a hunt tomorrow, with Pa and Johnny.

 

“Deer Hunt.”

 

Wed. 4  This morning with my father and husband, I started on a Deer hunt to the “Cedars,” 30 miles away.  We arrived just at Dusk and set up our Tent and set a large Cedar-tree afire and got our Supper.  Oh! it is so grand.  A great Forest of mammoth Pine and Cedar; great Canons and Mesa’s, and entirely away from all habitation; just the sublimity of wild nature that inspires one with awe, in contemplating the greatness of God, who created all this granduer.  In many places, the Cedars look as if set by human hands in some great Park.

 

Some wood haulers came up with us for wood.

 

[Page 62]

 

March 1891

 

Thurs. 5  We moved Camp, today at noon, just a short way, around the Hills, to near the Stone Ranch, which is only a ruins.  It was a home, or a Fort in a very early day, built near a small pond of water, fed by a Spring.  Whoever occupied the place – and we are told it was Soldiers – were attacked by the Indians and the place destroyed; it all happened so long ago, that it has all been forgotten, or there is no one left to tell the story, but there are six graves, about the ruins, that remain, as mute witnesses of the Tragedy.

 

Fri. 6  An all day, snow-storm, prevented our moving Camp today, as we had intended.  But we are so cozy in our tent and it’s a glorious snow-storm; great soft, flakes falling, and if possible, making more, beautiful the great Pines and Cedars.  We have a sheet-iron stove with oven, and cut pine and Cedar boughs, upon which we lay, well filled straw ticks, making most delightful beds.  Mercy! how the Gray Wolves, howled around our Tent last night, just fairly makes, ones hair “stand on end.”  Pa and Johnny got many rabbits – Cotton-tails – and they were delicious.

 

[Page 63]

 

March 1891

 

Sat. 7  A most glorious snow, falling all day and Pa, thought best not to move Camp, for we are in a fine sheltered place and close to water, so early, he and Johnny, took a lunch in their pockets, and shouldering their guns, were off, for an all day, deer hunt.  It was rather lonely for me, tho I had, thread and hook, and put in the whole day “crocheting,” when I was not “peeking” out of the Tent, at a Mexican (or Greaser) herder, of whom I was mortally afraid.  He was near all day, with his flock of sheep, to feed and shelter them, from the storm, among the Cedars.  He did not come to the Tent, but I was mighty glad, when Pa and Johnny came, just as it was growing dark.  Too much snow to track deer, but they saw some in the distance.  The rabbits here are smaller, than the Prairie, Cottontails and much finer eating, and we are enjoying them greatly; there is a very pretty squirrel here too, perhaps a little larger than our squirrels at home, and has tiny white specks all over; one sees them darting here and there by the dozen and no one ever shoots them, tho’ I would think they would be good eating, and the most beautiful Quail.

 

[Page 64]

 

March 1891

 

Sun. 8  Up in the “Cedars.”  Bright, clear sunny day and the snow, not very deep, so we moved camp and drove, twenty miles farther on, to what is called “Twenty Mile” Spring, or “Soldier Springs.”  We followed the Trail, on the out-skirts of the Cedars, and entered them again, near the Spring, and on a level space above the Spring, we pitched our Tent, in a warm, sunny, sheltered nook, that was a delightful spot.  And from the Mesa, above our Camp, I got my first view of the Mountains.  Away in the distance, the top of Pike’s Peak and farther on, of the Spanish Peaks and the Greenhorn Mountains.  Oh! it is all so grand.  Some distance, farther down, from our Tent, is the spring, the Canon to steep to drive to it, then some distance below that, is an old, adobe, Cabin, deserted; perhaps, at one time, inhabited by some Trapper; and still another decent and we reach the bottom of the Canon.

 

Mon. 9  Pa and Johnny out hunting, most of the day and part of time I was with them; and part of the time, out “sight-seeing” alone.  I have just walked and walked today, amid

 

[Page 65]

 

March 1891

 

this unspeakable grandeur, of Forest and Mesa, and Canon; one can find no words to tell of the beauty of this place, and yet Heaven will be grander – how can it be.  We found Bear tracks and peeped into some of their dens, but saw nothing more anywhere, than rabbits, squirrels and quail, which we dared not shoot, lest the echo from our guns, startle the hiding deer and we thereby miss a chance at larger game.  Wolves howl dismally at night.

 

Tues. 10  We moved Camp, back to the Stone Ranch today ; has been too snowy to get any game.

 

Wed. 11  Started for home today and camped tonight near Interstate.  I was very loth to leave the “Paradise of the Cedars,” but it will ever be a beautiful “memory-picture” to look back upon and I have enjoyed every moment spent out here in wild nature.

 

Thurs. 12  We got home to Pa’s at noon; just in time as it turned very cold.  Oh! such a glorious trip.

 

Fri. 13  At Pa’s.  Lyman’s all came over for the day, it being Lyman’s 27th Birthday, and we had a fine day together.

 

[Page 66]

 

March 1891  Springfield Boca Co Colo..

 

Sat. 14  At Pa’s, and wishing I was back in the beautiful “Cedars.”  And too, Johnny is not nearly so cross, when we are out on some jaunt.

 

Sun. 15  We went with Pa’s, up to Lyman’s to spend the day, and back to Pa’s this evening.

 

Mon. 16  We went up to Gordon’s this evening.  I can’t forget my lovely trip to the “Cedars.”

 

Tues. 17  Sister May and family spent the day at Pa’s.  We must soon return home to Topeka and we want to be together much as possible.

 

Wed. 18  Mays folks all at Pa’s again today.

 

Thurs. 19  Mays all came to Pa’s again today and we came home with them to stay all night

 

Fri. 20  At sister’s and not at all well.  I was two months, or more, in Maternity and had so much hoped, and was so happy in the hope of being a mother, only to meet with most bitter disappointment this morning, so have been in bed all day.  O it is dreadful.

 

[Page 67]

 

Sat. 21  We went with Lyman’s and Pas folks, down on the “San Arroya” to spend the day with Will Painten’s and see their new baby.  8 miles down there and a most dangerous thing for me to do.  We staid all night at Pa’s.

 

Sun. 22  Sister’s folks all down to Pa’s today, where I try to keep quiet, but must stay up, for I cannot tell them of my disappointment, since I had not let them, know of my expected joy, wishing to keep it for a sweet surprise.  How full of disappointment is this old world, especially for me.

 

Mon. 23  At Pa’s, intending to start for Topeka, but stormed so badly, could not drive through it fifty miles to the Railroad.

 

Tues. 24  Still at Pa’s waiting for the storm to abate – has been fearful since yesterday.

 

Wed. 25  Still the Storm rages and keeps us at Pa’s.

 

Thurs. 26  Bright and warm today and the Storm is over, but the road is unbroken and the snow is very deep, so we wait for tomorrow, to start home.

 

[Page 68]

 

March 1891

 

Fri. 27  Pa started with us for the Railroad at Lamar, this morning, going by my Sister’s, to bid them good-bye.  Oh! I so hated to leave them all and especially, little Zaidee and James.  Bright and warm, but snow very deep and had to shovel thro’ the snow-banks several places and could only reach Butte Creek, in time to go into Camp for the night.

 

Sat. 28  Arrived in Lamar, this evening, just in time to catch the 8 o’clock train for Topeka.  Had a long, hard pull, thro’ the snow today and our faces are blistered from the sun’s reflection on the snow.  I so hated to come away and leave my loved ones, but Johnny is well now and must get home to work.

 

Sun. 29  Arrived in Topeka at 4:30 P. M. and went to brother Frank Shaw’s to stay all night.  Clear and windy here; no snow.

 

Mon. 30  We went to P. O. this morning to see the Boys – Letter Carriers – Hunting a house, to move into.  Took supper with Mr. & Mrs. Geo. Yount, newly married.  Met Dr. Menninger on street this morning and he says Johnny is not yet strong enough, to live here and must go back at once and stay at least, three years.

 

[Page 69]

 

April 1891.

 

March Tues. 31  We went to Geo. Weymouth’s, this afternoon, took Supper and spent evening there, then went to brother Jim Shaw’s to stay all night.

 

Wed. 1.  Rained all day, today, but we moved anyway and have a good, house, with two bed-rooms and a very large store room, up-stairs and, Parlor, dining-room and kitchen down-stairs and a cellar, and barn at 1211 Lincoln St, all for five dollars per month.

 

Thurs. 2.  Was in at Weymouths awhile today; we now live third door South of them.

 

Fri. 3  Very busy, cleaning and “settling” in our new home and it seems good to get to house-keeping again and O, I pray Johnny, may not be sick any more.  We went down to Frank and Jim Shaws, this evening to get some of our things, stored there.

 

Sat. 4  Went with Johnny, to John Fluno’s, Butcher Shop – the finest meat market in the City.  We spent the evening with the Weymouths.

 

Sun. 5  Spent the day at home, resting.

 

Mon. 6  In at Allie Weymouths awhile this morning.  Afraid we live to close together.

 

[Page 70]

 April 1891

 

Tues. 7  Went to Convention of Ladies of G.A.R. at Lincoln Post Hall, this afternoon.

 

Wed. 8  Went to the Convention again this afternoon and this evening George and Allie Weymouth, went with Johnny and I, to their Reception and had a most splendid time.

 

Thurs. 9  Went with Mrs. Allie Weymouth, this afternoon, to call on Mrs. Geo. Yount and Mrs. Frank Parcell.

 

Fri. 10  Went over to Mrs. Heflick’s, to see Mrs. F. Parcell, this afternoon.

 

Sat. 11  Weymouths have a horse and buggy and Allie had me out riding, all afternoon and we stopped to see Mother Shaw.

 

Sun. 12  Went to Cent. Cong. Church, this evening to hear Rev. Chas. M. Sheldon.  It seems funny to hear a man read a Story to his Congregation, instead of preaching; he reads his own writings and its good too.

 

Mon. 13  Busy at home.  Johnny can get so angry and be so cross even if he does have good health and he makes me so unhappy.

 

[Page 71]

 

April 1891

 

Tues. 14  I do so love home-life, but “home” is not always the happiest place.  Why can’t Johnny be kinder.

 

Wed. 15  Went to town this afternoon, to do a tiny bit of shopping.

 

Thurs. 16  We spent the evening with Mr. & Mrs. Guy Herman.  I believe that is another unhappy home, for Guy speaks so crossly to Eva at times.  She is such a sweet woman too, but I’ll bet she is carrying a load of unhappiness around in her heart, just like I am.

 

Fri. 17  Mother Shaw came out this afternoon and stayed for Supper.  One thing, I have a Mother-in-law who loves me.  She says I am better to her than any child she has got.

 

Sat. 18  We spent the evening playing Whist at Weymouths.  George and I, always play as partners, against whomever else is playing and almost invariably, “win.”  We are considered a pair hard to beat.

 

Sun. 19  A quiet day at home.  I like our location so much, but Johnny is not at all satisfied, wants to be nearer in town, yet it costs him nothing to ride and we have one car, less than a block and another in two blocks.

 

[Page 72]

 

April 1891

 

Mon. 20  Washing today and otherwise busy.

 

Tues. 21  Went to see Mrs. Gibson, about renting a house from her.  Johnny wants to move; then I went to Lincoln Circle, G.A.R.

 

Wed. 22  Allie Weymouth and I went to the Lowman Hill Chapel, this evening to Epworth League Convention.

 

Thurs. 23  Went to town Shopping this afternoon, or rather to buy the bare necessities.

 

Fri. 24  Allie Weymouth took me for a long drive this afternoon.  Called on her mother, Mrs. Cartlidge at 3rd and Tyler, then away over in Parkdale to see Mr. P. L. Doane (a sick Letter Carrier) then to Jim Shaw’s and then away over in North Topeka to my uncle, Charlie Howard’s.

 

Sat. 25  Mother Shaw and her cousin, Mrs. Maggie Ritz, from McPherson, Ks. spent the day with us.

 

Sun. 26  A quiet day at home.  Johnny has to be at P. O. until 1 o’clock on Sundays.  Today I am 24 years old and have seen much of unhappiness and anxiety, for a girl; more than many, see in a long life time.

 

[Page 73]

 

April 1891 1211 Lincoln St. Topeka Ks.

 

Mon. 27  Mr. P. L. Doane, one of the Letter Carriers, died today and sometimes I am so unhappy I wish I could die, and be free from it all.

 

Tues. 28  Busy in the little home all day, yet we have nothing; not a carpet on the floor – a stove and ice-box, a table and few chairs, and a bed; why get more if we must leave again as the Dr. says; we will wait and see.

 

Wed. 29  Went with Allie Weymouth, to Mr. Doane’s funeral, this afternoon.  The Carriers were Pall-bearers.

 

Thurs. 30  Johnny and I went to Willie Sells Circus this evening as did most of the Carriers and their families.  It was the finest little one-ring Circus imaginable; just starting out on the Road and this the opening night.  Willie himself, went thro’, his famous, bare-back riding performance.

 

May

 

Fri. 1  I am so happy to be in my own home, but Johnny is so cross, he causes me toshed many tears.  However, he has “cursed” me so many times for the tears that come unbidden at a cross word, that I have gotten so I can control them better and keep them back, until alone and only let him see my smiles.

 

[Page 74]

 

May 1891.

 

Sat. 2  Charlie Conwell – Letter Carrier – ate dinner with us today.

 

Sun. 3  A quiet day at home.  Johnny doesn’t like to go to Church any more and I do not like to go without him.  He only used to go, because it was the only way he could see me or go with me.

 

Mon. 4  Went to town this afternoon for some necessaries.

 

Tues. 5  Such a grand day, that Allie Weymouth took me and her children and drove four miles West in the country, to gather flowers and fish in some of the Ponds.

 

Wed. 6  Allie Weymouth and I went to call on Mrs. Chas. Kerle, this afternoon and do some Shopping.

 

Thurs. 7  Was in at Mrs. Riegal’s this morning, a little Jew family, who have moved next door.  Spent afternoon with Allie Weymouth and went back again after Supper and stayed all evening, as our husbands were down town, until nearly midnight.  They Weymouths are funny people or rather she is and I don’t just like her and yet I do.

 

[Page 75]

 

May 1891 1211 Lincoln St.

 

Fri. 8  Spent all the morning with Allie Weymouth.  She is no kind of a housekeeper and I have none, to do.

 

Sat. 9  Busy baking and cleaning, tho’ we are only “Camping.”

 

Sun. 10  Rained today and kept us at home, but we would probably have staid home anyway.

 

Mon. 11  Allie W. went with me, down to Jim Shaw’s this afternoon to call on Retta.

 

Tues. 12  I went Shopping this afternoon and this evening Allie Weymouth went with me to the First Christian Church to see Rev. Romig, Ordained, which was done by Rev. Rains Rev. Myers and our own Pastor, Rev. B. L. Smith.

 

Wed. 13  After Johnny got thro’ work this evening, we borrowed brother Jim’s horse and buggy and with the Weymouth family, drove down below Oakland, to a pretty place, on the Shunganunga, ate our Suppers and fished.  Johnny was the only lucky “fisherman” and he caught six little fish; But we had a lovely drive and a good time.  Johnny being the only one to catch a fish, put him in a fine humor and he was good natured.

 

[Page 76]

 

May 1891

 

Thurs. 14  Went to town this morning, also run in to Allie’s and to Mrs. Riegal’s, my little Jewess neighbor.

 

Fri. 15  Johnny went to town with me this evening and bought me a new hat, a very pretty,

Lavender straw, tipped down in front, and tipped up in the back and quite “becoming.”

 

Sat. 16  We spent the evening at Weymouth’s; they insist on our almost living there.

 

Sun. 17  Rained all day and Johnny is sick; does it mean his health is really gone.

 

Mon. 18  Such a damp, cloudy day and Johnny sick, but at work.  I had so hoped he would be strong and well and I believe he would if he would let Beer and whiskey alone.

 

Tues. 19  A busy day at home for me.  I never felt so well in my life, but Johnny is miserable.

 

Wed. 20 We spent the evening in a game of “Whist” at Weymouth’s and Geo. & I, beat Allie & Johnny.

 

Thurs. 21  I can’t help worrying about Johnny; he is not at all well; so sick of mornings, especially.

 

[Page 77]

 

May 1891

 

Fri. 22  The Reigals and us, spent the evening at Weymouth’s playing cards.

 

Sat. 23  Uncle George Van Orsdol and cousin May, had dinner with us today and I rode over to North Topeka with them this afternoon.  Johnny and I spent the evening with Weymouth’s for our usual “Whist” game and Geo. & I “won.”

 

Sun. 24  Harry and Lizzie Bair, spent afternoon with us.

 

Mon. 25  Raining.  The peculiarity of Johnny’s sickness and my unusual good health causes me to wonder, if there is not a reason for it, especially his morning sickness.

 

Tues. 26  I went shopping this afternoon and we played cards at Weymouth’s this evening.

 

Wed. 27  Played cards at Weymouths again this evening; our usual “Whist,” with usual result, George and I “winners,” over Johnny and Harry Gill.  Johnny loves the game.

 

Thurs. 28  Allie W. and I went for a drive, to my uncle Charlie Howard’s, this afternoon away out to Shorey, North Topeka.

 

[Page 78]

 

May 1891

 

Fri. 29  Busy, tho’ so little to do, and but two of us.

 

Sat. 30  Decoration Day and Johnny had afternoon as a “half Holiday.”  Allie W. and I drove over to the Topeka Cemetery this morning.  After dinner, I went with Johnny to Memorial Services at the City Park.  Mr. Gill, Mr. & Mrs. Will Baker, Mata Magerl and the Weymouths, played cards with us this evening.  Geo. & I, won over all.

 

Sun. 31  Johnny worries me so with his poor health and he gets so deathly sick; cross as a bear too.

 

June.

 

Mon. 1  Went to town with Allie this afternoon and it rained terribly hard.

 

Tues. 2  Went to meeting of Lincoln Circle this afternoon and saw Parade of Sells Circus at 5:30

 

Wed. 3  Busy enough today; caning Strawberries.

 

Thurs. 4  Went to town this morning for “necessities”

 

Fri. 5  Have begun to feel badly myself, of mornings, and I think I know why it is.

 

[Page 79]

 

June 1891 1211 Lincoln St. Topeka Ks.

 

Sat. 6  Baking, cleaning etc, principally, etc.

 

Sum. 7  I get so deathly sick of mornings, and I am very sure it means “maternity.”  I have been sick this way, on other occasions when in such a condition and I know its symptoms;

 

Mon. 8  Busy with the work, wash-day brings.

 

Tues. 9  Went to town Shopping, this afternoon.

 

Wed. 10  We went up to the Hermans this evening with the Weymouths, to play cards.  We women, would rather visit, but our husbands must have a game of cards.

 

Thurs. 11  I spent the afternoon, with my old school chum Mrs. Lizzie Roby-Bair.

 

Friday 12  Only away from home, long enough to go to the Meat-market today.

 

Sat. 13  Busy with my little bit of Saturday work.  I get up so sick of mornings, but get better during day.

 

Sun. 14  Just lazy at home.  Johnny wont go to Church with me.

 

[Page 80]

 

June 1891

 

Mon. 15  I don’t believe Johnny was ever in better health in his life, except for this morning sickness and yet he is cross as a bear.

 

Tues. 16  Attended meeting Lincoln Circle (G.A.R.) this afternoon.

 

Wed. 17  Went to town with Allie Weymouth and the children (Bert and Bee) this afternoon.

 

Thurs. 18  I went to town this afternoon and bought me a new dress of French Mull – Lavender.  I always have to ask Johnny’s consent before I buy anything for myself and take him along or show him a sample.

 

Fri. 19  Took my dress to Miss Brown the dress-maker on West Tenth, near the Avenue, this afternoon

 

Sat. 20  Went to town with Johnny, this evening.

 

Sun. 21  Wonder what it would seem like, to have a husband who was kind and good, or how it would feel, to be happy.

 

Mon. 22  Went to town with Allie W. this morning.

 

Tues. 23  Went to be “fitted” at the Dress makers this afternoon.  (Miss Brown.)

 

[Page 81]

 

June 1891

 

Wed. 24  I have got to make a flight, to be allowed to become a mother, for Johnny says, if it is a fact, that I am pregnant, as everything indicates, I must do something to prevent it; that he is not ready to commence to raise a family and that I shall not bear the child.

Thurs. 25  I wish I did not have to be so sick mornings.

 

Fri. 26  Every day, I coax and coax Johnny, to “lets raise a family;” let me bear this child, and tell him, how nice, “our Baby” would be, and he gets so angry, he curses me, until my heart can bear no more and I go away by myself and cry and cry.  I want the little one, Oh! so much and he will not listen to it.  He says “sometime we will have a family, but not now.”  He is a good man, in so many ways, yet ill-natured, unkind and selfish.  I feel it is wrong to prevent this new life and he, as honestly, sees no wrong; for my suffering, he cares nothing; soon over, he says.  A good moral man, who cares nothing for religion.  Drinks but not to excess; keeps liquor in the house and brings his friends home to drink and I must seem pleased, or be cursed.  How unlike the man I thought I was marrying.

 

[Page 82]

 

June 1891

 

Sat. 27  Went to the Dressmakers this afternoon.  Johnny and I spent the evening at Weymouths.

 

Sun. 28  We went to brother Jim Shaw’s this afternoon.

 

Mon. 29  Johnny gets so cross at me, for getting, so sick, and I can’t help it.  He thinks there should be no children, if one must be so sick; he is not sick any more of mornings.

 

Tues. 30  Went to P. O. this evening, with Johnny, to work up his mail for tomorrow.

 

Wed. 1 July  Johnny and I spent the evening with Mr. & Mrs. Arthur Allison, who is another Carrier.  Four families of us close together and small families.  Weymouths have “Bert and Bee,” Herman’s have “Max and Edwin” and Allison’s have “Edith and Phyllis”

 

Thurs. 2  Oh! I wish I did not have to be so sick.  I am still coaxing Johnny to, “lets have the child.”  Let the little one come.

 

Fri. 3  I never would have believed it possible for Johnny to be such an ill natured man.  He always went to church with me.

 

[Page 83]

 

July 1891

 

Sat. 4  “Fourth of July” and I went to town this morning with Allie W. and the children, to see the Parade and this afternoon Johnny took me to the Celebration at the Fair Grounds.

 

Sun. 5  Mr. & Mrs. Ed. Hanway (Carrier) and Jim Shaw’s spent the afternoon with us.  Other men, seem so kind to their wives, I wonder if they really are, or whether it is all sham as in my case.  Johnny pays me lots of attention, before others and makes folks think he is very sweet to me; he would never let anyone, know he ill treats me, yet there is hardly a day passes with out his cursing me, for the most trivial thing.

 

Mon. 6  I get so sick, I can hardly do my work and it makes Johnny so cross, he curses dreadfully, but he has halfway consented, that there will be no preventing the birth of a child.  I do not see, what makes him such a man; he is jolly and witty and everyone likes him yet his ungovernable temper, loses him friends and makes me unhappy.

 

Tues. 7  Went to a meeting of Lincoln Circle Ladies of G. A. R. this afternoon.

 

[Page 84]

 

July 1891

 

Wed. 8  The weather warm and I get so sick I am miserable much of the time.

 

Thurs. 9  Mother Shaw spent the day with us.

 

Fri. 10  Johnny has at last given full consent to the coming of the child, and I am so happy, O so happy, but he growls and grumbles about it.  O just to think of being a mother, is unspeakable joy.

 

Sat. 11  Busy, though all thro’ the morning hours of every day, I am so sick, I can do little.  What strange emotions, the thought of motherhood brings to one; such sweet joy and loving expectancy and the willingness to go thro’ untold suffering, for the blessed joy of being a mother.  O, God help me to be just the kind of a mother I ought to be.

 

Sun. 12  Just sick enough to lay around all day at home and “dream” of the sweet secret we are keeping all to ourselves.

 

Mon. 13  Did my washing, but Oh! so sick and I get no word of sypathy from Johnny.

 

[Page 85]

 

July 1891

 

Tues. 14  I went down town this afternoon.  God alone knows the joy of the secret of my heart.  Oh! the dear love, one feels for their unborn child.

 

Wed. 15  Went to Mother’s this afternoon and staid for supper Johnny coming from the P. O. for supper too and then we staid all evening with her.

 

Thurs. 16  Have been sick most all day.

 

Fri. 17  Went to town with Allie W. this afternoon and later we called on Mrs. Guy Herman.

 

Sat. 18  Went to town again this afternoon and went to P. O. and came home with Johnny.

 

Sun. 19  If I could only live happily with my husband, it seems to me, I would have nothing more, to ask for.  He is so very selfish, ill-natured and unsympathetic  Loves me, yes! As he would love a fine horse; just because it was his, and a little better than anyone else owned.

 

Mon. 20  A most miserable day for me, but I dare not let my husband know, I feel badly.  I must always have a smiling face for him.

 

[Page 86]

 

July 1891

 

Tues. 21  Went to Lincoln Circle, G. A. R. this afternoon.

 

Wed. 22  Called on Lizzie Roby-Bair and Mila Bair-Roby this afternoon.  Had an awfully hard Storm this eve.

 

Thurs. 23  Mrs. Will Baker and Mata Magerl, spent the afternoon with me.  Mata plays guitar nicely.

 

Fri. 24  Some of the Mail Carriers are spending their vacation on a fishing trip and are camped on an Island in the river, near the Sugar Mill.  I got the Weymouth horse and buggy, and with Mrs. Herman and little Max and Ed. we drove up and stayed all night.  Guy met us with the boat and took us over to the Island, where we found Fred Farnsworth, Mrs. Geo. Weymouth and children.  Johnny and George Weymouth came, from P. O. this evening; it is a pretty spot, but I was so sick and the long hot drive up there made me worse, but I dared not let on.

 

Sat. 25  Got up about 3 o’clock this morning, after a miserable night, trying to sleep on a quilt on the ground, with all my clothes on.  Fred Farnsworth took Johnny and I to the mainland, in Boat and we took Rock Island train to town at 4:15 and I was too sick to recognise where I was, until got to P. O.  Walked home in dazed way and went to bed.

 

[Page 87]

 

July 1891

 

Sun. 26  Mother Shaw came out today and I was so miserable could hardly hold my head up, yet I gave no sign and tried to give her a “cheery” call.

 

Mon. 27  Utterly miserable all day. O its so dreadful.

 

Tues. 28  Spent afternoon with Mrs. William Baker.

 

Wed. 29  Another very sick day.  I suffer torture.

 

Thurs. 30  I wish one, could become a mother, without being so sick and cramping of muscles and a thousand other, dreadful things.

 

Fri. 31  Morning sickness is getting to be all day sickness, with me.  And Johnny gets so angry; says there “wont be another damned child,” if he has to get sick over it and me sick all the time.  I don’t see how he can be so wicked.  I am willing to suffer as I do, for blessed Motherhood.

 

August.

 

Sat. 1  Could not do much of my usual Saturday work today – so sick and I don’t sleep well at night.

 

Sun. 2  Fred Farnsworth, Carl Merrick, Mr. & Mrs. Guy Herman and Max called this evening.

 

[Page 88]

 

August 1891

 

Mon. 3  I went to Jim Shaw’s this afternoon and Johnny came from work and we ate supper with mother.

 

Tues. 4  Went to Lincoln Circle (G. A. R.) this afternoon and this evening, Johnny and I, with Mr. & Mrs. Arthur Allison and little Edith & Phyllis, we spent the evening, with our Herman friends.

 

Wed. 5  Went over to see Mrs. A. Allison few minutes this morning.

 

Thurs. 6  Have been so miserable all day.

 

Fri. 7  Mother and Retta Shaw spent afternoon with me.  I have to “brace up” when company comes.

 

Sat. 8  I went with Johnny to Forepaugh’s Circus this evening and enjoyed it very much.

 

Sun. 9  Very, very hot! scorching! and no wind and I am utterly miserable.

 

Mon. 10  Hot day, but a good breeze, so I have felt better but I cramp so at night, I can’t sleep and so sick during the day, that I get very little rest at any time and can neither eat or drink, without becoming terribly sick, so my life is most miserable.

 

[Page 89]

 

August 1891

 

Tues. 11  The Guy Herman family spent the evening with us.  She is a mighty sweet little woman but I don’t like him, for I have heard him speak cross to her and tries to be so very nice to me; no man gets my friendship, who is cross to his wife.

 

Wed. 12  Went to town this afternoon, but never feel safe in leaving home, because I am sick so much.

 

Thurs. 13  Allie came over awhile this evening.  I have been so sick today.  My head almost burst open.

 

Fri. 14  Went across street to visit my neighbor, Mrs. Will Baker this afternoon.

 

Sat. 15  Did nothing today, I could get out of doing; don’t see how I will ever stand this sickness.

 

Sun. 16  I get so hungry for kind words and sympathy; I know it is just Johnny’s way, to be indifferent, and that he loves me, but he gets angry at some one at the Office and is then ill-natured and abusive at home and it is so hard to bear, especially now, that maternity, causes me to be so sick and I so long for sympathy.  But I am thankful he has at last become reconciled and looks forward with pleasure to the coming of our little one and does not think of it as an added burden.

 

[Page 90]

 

August 1891

 

Mon. 17  Have been sick all day, but I thank God, for perfect control of myself, so that I can hide my true feelings; and while my face must show some suffering, it is only through the smiles and Johnny never dreams of how I suffer.

 

Tues. 18  Went to Lincoln Circle this afternoon with Mother Shaw.  I have many good friends in the Circle.

 

Wed. 19  Quite a sensation in Letter Carrier circles -  Mrs. George Yount, left her husband today.  He is a Letter Carrier and drinks like all the rest of the Carriers, but much worse than mine, but is never abusive and mine is – he just does not support her and she left.

 

Thurs. 20  Motherhood is such a blessed happiness to look forward to and I can hardly wait the coming of my little one.

 

Fri. 21  No day without sickness; well, it means untold joy after awhile, so I shall patiently endure.  I just talk to the Lord about it every http://img.kansasmemory.org/00111740.jpgday and ask Him to help me bear it; I have no mother and no one, I feel free to go to for sympathy and comfort, beside, everyone has troubles of their own and would think mine amounted to nothing.

 

[Page 91]

 

August 1891

Sat. 22  Allie Weymouth, Eva Herman, their children and I, went to the City Park, this evening to hear Mrs. Woodworth, who is holding “meetings” there.  She preached a good sermon, but I think worked up, undue excitement, and several fell in trances.  We all stayed all night with Eva H., as our husbands and most of P. O. crowd, went to Wakarusa this evening to stay over night, fish, but mostly to have a drinking time, for they took Whiskey and some kegs of Beer along.  It’s a shame and disgrace.

 

Sun. 23  Came home early this morning from Eva’s, but our men folks did not come home until after Office hours at the Post-office.

 

Mon. 24  I can scarcely do my work, but have to do all that’s done- little rest at night, sick during day.

 

Tues. 25  Too sick to go to Circle today.

 

Wed. 26  Been so miserable all day.

 

Thurs. 27  Just too sick to live; it s dreadful.

 

Fri. 28  Quite myself today again and how good it seems, to get even a little relief.

 

[Page 92]

 

August 1891

 

Sat. 29  Spent the afternoon with Mrs. W. Baker and this evening, Eva Herman and children and myself stayed all night with Allie W. all our men folks and P. O. crowd, went to Wakarusa, again this evening, on a “fishing-drinking” trip.  Eva, dressed in Geo. W’s clothes and I dressed in Johnny’s uniform and with Allie, we went down to see Mrs. Leland Webb, on Taylor St., leaving a colored woman, with the children; it was dark so no one could see us.  We had a jolly little visit with Mrs. Webb.

 

Sun. 30  Most of the forenoon at Allie’s and she & I went up to Eva’s for few minutes.  Johnny and I, spent the evening with the Bakers.

 

Mon. 31  For some time it has seemed as if Johnny’s health, was failing and we begin to talk Colorado again.  I pray God to spare me this sorrow.

 

September.

 

Tues. 1  Went to Lincoln Circle this afternoon.  I feel I must get out when I can; makes me forget my troubles.

 

Wed. 2  Working a little on “Baby things” for the little treasure that’s coming to me; the very thought is so precious and all so strange and mysterious.

 

[Page 93]

 

September 1891

 

Thurs. 3  Went to see Retta Shaw this afternoon.  We have not told any of our family of our sweet secret for we want to surprise them, but I have told Allie and Eva and a few other close neighbors.

 

Fri. 4  Went to Lincoln Post Hall this evening to M. O. C. Reception.  This is our Second Wedding Anniversary and a very unhappy two years.

 

Sat. 5  Johnny and I, after working hours, went to brother Jim’s borrowed his horse and buggy and drove to my Uncle Frank Van Orsdol’s, at Silver Lake, and stayed all night.  We so love to go up there.

 

Sun. 6  We went to uncles Marian, and George Van’s today, then drove home this evening and down to Jim’s with the horse.  I was very tired, from the long drive, but enjoyed our visit very much.

 

Mon. 7  Johnny had a half Holiday, this afternoon and we went to town to see the Labor Day Parade.

 

Tues. 8  Johnny is beginning to cough considerably and Dr. C. F. Menninger says he must go back to Colorado again and for us to go in a wagon and we are considering it, or Johnny is, for I don’t see how I can take such a trip.

 

[Page 94]

 

September 1891

 

Wed. 9  It seems as if my “cup of bitterness” was almost full.  Maternity keeps me sick all the time and Johnny’s health is failing and he is so cross to me, because I am sick and can’t help it, and now I must think of leaving my home and dear friends and go to make a new one among strangers.  I am willing to sacrifice anything for Johnny, only its hard.

 

Thurs. 10  I walk the floor most of the night in pain but Johnny sleeps and never knows.  I keep all my suffering and tears to myself.  I get a little sleep during the day in a Rocker.

 

Fri. 11  I wish Johnny was a strong, healthy man; he is so ambitious and plans such great things, and I have a presentiment, he will never be well again and that I will not raise my child.

 

Sat. 12  Plodding about, doing my work, best I can.  We do not go so often, to neighbor Weymouth’s as we used to do, because George is mad at me and I have not the least idea in the world what for.  I went over one morning and he refused to speak to me and I don’t give him a chance to now.  She has told him some kind of a lie, but I can’t imagine what.

 

[Page 95]

 

September 1891

1211 Lincoln St.

Topeka Ks.

 

Sun. 13  A quiet day at home, neither of us feeling well.  Johnny’s failing health, is a constant anxiety.

 

Mon. 14  We have fully made up our minds to move to Colorado and will drive thro’.  It breaks my heart to leave my friends here, but we will go where my father and sister live and that will be some compensation and we must go where Johnny can live.

 

Tues. 15  Went to a meeting of Lincoln Circle this afternoon.

 

Wed. 16  Working today, on some dainty little dresses, for a dear little Baby that’s coming to me.

 

Thurs. 17  “Topeka Day” at the State Fair and I put up Lunch and took Mrs. Will Baker and Mata Magerl and went out and stayed all day at the Fair.  Johnny came at noon and stayed rest of day with us.  The Fair was fine, but I cam F ri. 18  Lying down most of day, as yesterday, was most too much for me.  I became quite exhausted.

 

Sat. 19  Making “Tomato Catsup.”  This morning, Harry Bair brought to see me, two mutual friends and school-mates, whom I had not seen for years, John Thirsk and Jasper Files from Winfield Ks.  I called to see Lizzie Bair this afternoon.

 

[Page 96]

 

September 1891

 

Sun. 20  Brother Jim Shaw and family spent the day with us.

 

Mon. 21  Johnny traded a “lot and a half” out on Redden Ave, and a young cow, today, for a team of big, gray, horses, wagon, harness and some tools, and so we have made our first start, toward a home in Colorado.  If it were not for the hope of Johnny’s regaining his health, I would be most unhappy.

 

Tues. 22  Went to Jim Shaw’s this morning and again this afternoon, to get mother to sign some papers as she and Johnny owned some Lots together.

 

Wed. 23  Went to Mrs. Cartlidges this afternoon with Allie W.  She and I are friends, but George wont speak to me.  They are peculiar anyway.

 

Thurs. 24  We talk and plan, every day now, for our Overland trip to Colo.  While my heart is so full of sorrow, because I must leave dear friends, I smile happily, and tell Johnny how well he will get (and I am sure he will never get well) and how we will prosper in our new home and say all the encouraging things I can think of, while I feel the opposite.

 

[Page 97]

 

September 1891

 

Fri. 25  I feel miserable today.  We have such a splendid family, for neighbors, by name of Kempter, moved in where the Riegal’s moved out.  Mrs. Kempter is such a comfort to me.

 

Sat. 26  Spent afternoon with Mrs. W. Baker and her daughter Mata Magerl, taught me some “chords” on the Guitar.

 

Sun. 27  We went to Christ Hospital, this afternoon, to see my cousin, Eugene Van Orsdol, who is there with a broken ankle; in bad shape.

 

Mon. 28  Spent afternoon with Mrs. Baker and Mata taught me another piece on the Guitar.  O so love music

 

Tues. 29  Was over to Mrs. Baker’s again this afternoon trying to learn to do “Tatting,” but I am afraid it is too hard; any way, I am so miserable so much of the time, that I can’t apply myself.

 

Wed. 30  All afternoon at Mrs. Baker’s and Mata Magerl taught me a pretty little piece on Guitar.  I beg Johnny to go on to Colorado and let me stay here, until my little one comes, but he wont do it; says other women have taken such trips and I can, but it will be an unusually hard trip and so long.  I do not see how I can ever stand it.

 

[Page 98]

 

October 1891

 

Thurs. 1st  We hope to start soon for a new home in Colorado and my heart is very heavy.  Doctor says we must go on a farm, where Johnny will work in open air, and to do this; we will be fifty miles from a Railroad and there will be many deprivations.  I can have no nurse, no doctor, no help, when my little comes.  I beg Johnny to let me stay, as our rent, is only five dollars per month and my aunt Sarah Ogden a fine nurse would stay with me and I could have the care, that is a woman’s right at such a time, beside the long drive will almost kill me, but he wont hear to it, and his selfishness almost makes me dislike him.

 

Fri. 2  All afternoon at Mrs. Baker’s.  Mata M. taught me another pretty piece on her Guitar.  I so dearly love all kinds of music and so does Johnny, tho’ he only plays the mouth-harp

 

Sat. 3  Rained all day and it is so hard on Johnny; he is beginning to cough very badly.

 

Sun. 4  Have been sick nearly all day; and how will I ever endure the long hard drive to Colorado.  Wish I might go on the Train.

[Page 99]

 

October 1891

 

Mon. 5  It is dreadful to be sick so much; what a price woman pays for the joy of motherhood, but I guess it is worth it.

 

Tues. 6  Very cold rain, and a few, fine flakes of snow fell, being worst kind of a day for Johnny.  I wish our trip was over and we were in Colo.

 

Wed. 7  Mother, Mrs. Baker and Mata, spent afternoon with me and I dare not be sick when company comes.

 

Thurs. 8  Sewing on some precious little garments today, tho’ hardly able to do so.

 

Fri. 9  Looking forward, with great dread, to our Colo. trip.  Oh! if we were only there.

 

Sat. 10  Went in, to see Allie Weymouth, awhile this afternoon; I would like to ask her what kind of a lie she told George, to make him mad at me but I shall ignore it and continue not to speak.

 

Sun. 11  We do nothing, but talk and plan our trip to Colo. and our new home, in that new place.  I am not at all well and wish Johnny would let me stay here, until baby comes or go on the train, but he wont hear to either.

 

[Page 100]

 

October 1891

 

Mon. 12  Went in to see Allie W. awhile this afternoon.  She wants me to come and make up with George and I wont do it; told her I had done nothing to make him mad and did not know he was mad, until I spoke to him one morning in his own home and he refused to speak to me; now let him come to me.  His crankiness is no fault of mine.

 

Tues. 13  Doing a little stitching at Mrs. Baker’s this afternoon.  She has been such a good neighbor.

 

Wed. 14  Mata Magerl brought her Guitar over for me to practice on and left it.  They have been so good to try to make me feel better.

 

Thurs. 15  Trying to practice on Mata’s Guitar but hardly felt well enough.

 

Fri. 16  So sick again today, but I am not sick every day, as I was, all Summer.

 

Sat. 17  Mopeing around trying to do my work.  I plead with Johnny to let me stay here, until my little one comes and him to go on, but he wont listen to me.  Says I am able to stand it.  Yes, but the hardship and danger, he is cruel.

 

[Page 101]

 

October 1891

 

Sun. 18  All of Jim’s and mother, here today all day and they never dreamed of my condition.  I am good shape and carry myself well and have been so sick all the time, that I have eaten barely enough to keep me alive, so have not taken on any fat, in fact am poor. 

 

Mon. 19  Johnny coughs so hard it distresses me and there is no doubt it is consumption, tho’ he wont have it so.  I pray God, to make him well and strong again.

 

Tues. 20  I am not sick so much, in afternoons, anymore and I am so thankful.  I don’t think anything could be worse, than this dreadful maternity sickness.

 

Wed. 21  Went over to Mrs. Baker’s this morning, to bid Mata good-bye.  She is going back to Cottonwood Falls to stay with her Grandmother Holz.

 

Thurs. 22  Sewing some, for the precious little one, that’s coming to me.  Oh! how I long for it to come.

 

Fri. 23  Planing, planing all the time, for our trip and with anything but pleasure.  I dread the hardship.  I have already endured so much, it seems as if I could not bear any more.

 

[Page 102]

 

October 1891

 

Sat. 24  Busy, as I am able to be, and a most unhappy woman.  Johnny doesn’t spare me his curses because of my condition and I have to endure his insulting language and abuse.  But my heart is full of joy, for the little one that is coming and I thank God, with all my heart.

 

Sun. 25  This afternoon Johnny hitched up our team and took me and Mr. & Mrs. John Kempter and family over to Vinewood and vicinity, “nutting.”  We gathered a large lot of Hazelnuts.  Of course Johnny had to take his whiskey bottle along and gave Mr. Kempter a drink wife her begging him not to, and begging Mr. K. not to take it.  It is dreadful to have a husband, drink, and I am so ashamed, mine does.

 

Mon. 26  Making some pretty lace, to use on the dresses for my little one, my precious little one.

 

Tues. 27  I have been so sick today.  Oh! if I could but be free, from this awful, awful sickness.

 

Wed. 28  Not so sick today, but feel miserable.

 

Thurs. 29  I wish something could be done for this terrible cramping.

Fri. 20  Can neither eat or drink, without being dreadfully sick.

 

Sat. 31  Mrs. Baker went to town with me to help me select a new hat.

 

[Page 103]

 

November 1891

1211 Lincoln St.

Topeka Ks.

 

Sun. 1  Been so sick today.  I am getting so poor some are afraid, my little one, will not live to come to me, but what can one do.

 

Mon. 2  Working busily today on Baby’s ward-robe; its such a pleasure, even if one is sick.

 

Tues. 3  Over to Mrs. Baker’s all afternoon sewing on the little dresses, for the Baby dear, that’s coming.

 

Wed. 4  At Mrs. Baker’s again this afternoon, to use her Sewing-machine, in making the dresses for Baby.

 

Thurs. 5  Sewing all day at Mrs. Kempter’s for now I must hurry the little clothes, I was too sick to make sooner.

 

Fri. 6  Sewing again this afternoon at Mrs. Baker’s and am most thro,’ with machine work.  We go very soon now to Colo. and I beg Johnny to spare me such a hard trip, which he could, as well as not, but he wont listen and seems almost heartless about it.  I want to stay here two months longer, till Baby comes and let him go on.  Our rent is only five dollars per month and the house is furnished; my aunt Sarah Ogden a fine nurse, would stay with me and I could have a good doctor – in Colo. I will have neither, but he wont hear to it.  I must go right in the wagon with him and it is hard.

 

[Page 104]

 

 November 1891

1211 Lincoln St. Topeka Ks.

 

Sat. 7  Sewing at Mrs. Baker’s again today.  Every one thinks it is dreadful that Johnny intends to make me drive thro’ to Colo. with him in a big wagon and especially this late in the Fall.  I have asked him to let me go on the Train, if I must go at this time, but he wont even let me do that.  I never quarrel with him and he never sees ought but a smiling face, however much my heart may ache, but this heartless treatment is beginning to make me lose my love for him.

 

Sun. 8  We spent the evening at Baker’s who have been most kind neighbors to me. 

 

Mon. 9  In at Mrs. Baker’s this morning, commenced “packing” today and it makes my heart ache.

 

Tues. 10  Mrs. Geo. Weymouth, came in today and bawled and “bellered” around, begging me to come over and “make up” with George before we left, and I shall do nothing of the kind.  I have nothing to “make up.”  He quit speaking to me and I haven’t the slightest idea why, unless she lied to him, about me, so now let him come to me.  Very busy packing and am tired and sick tonight.

 

[Page 105]

 

November 1891

 

Wed. 11  Our last night in this home, and God only knows what is before me, but I shall trust Him to take care of me and my unborn Babe.

 

Thurs. 12  We ate dinner with the Bakers today, finished packing and loading our wagon this afternoon, and bid all our neighbors good-bye this evening; even the surly Geo. Weymouth, came over and shook hands with me and had kissed me goodbye, before I knew his intentions, but not a word passed between us.  We drove down to brother Jim Shaw’s to stay all night and we told them of our expected little one and Oh! their surprise; and so at last, it is good-bye to home and friends, and away to the West, for a new home and new friends, in a new country, almost a Desert.  But I am willing to make the sacrifice, if it will but restore my husband’s health.  Our friends think him very selfish to compel me to take such a trip in my condition especially, when I could as well go on the train.  This late in the Fall, will even be harmful to him and I will suffer greatly.  Woman will sacrifice everything for the man she loves, why will he not do, half as much for her.

 

[Page 106]

 

November 1891

 

“The Journey”

 

Fri. 13  Well at last, our journey, has commenced and tonight after only a few miles of travel, I am very tired and the jolting of the wagon, caused me to suffer much.  We were late in getting away from Topeka, leaving about 3 o’clock; the weather fine and a lovely evening.  From our camp tonight at Mulhollen Hill, or a little West, we can see the lights of my beloved Topeka, and it makes my heart ache; when shall I see them again, if ever; my husband in poor health and at the end of a long hard, journey, my little one to be born, without the help of Doctor or Nurse.  But for an ever present God, I would be in utter despair.

 

Sat. 4  A cold, chilly, drive.  Rained all day and the roads terribly, hilly – we got “stuck” on one hill.  With our heavily loaded wagon, we only reached Dover, 20 miles from Topeka, at dark this evening and I am so weary and heart sick.

 

Eclipse of Moon.

Sun. 5  My husband thinks we must travel on Sunday’s too, so we left Dover about noon and camped about half way to Harveyville, after dark.  Saw beautiful eclipse of moon, thro’ the clouds.  A disagreable day.

 

[Page 107]

 

November 1891

On the Road to Colorado, by Wagon.

 

Mon. 16  Passed thro’ Harveyville at noon.  Bought some good, home-made bread at a little house in the Village.  Very cold today and snowed some, but we keep warm as we have a stove in the wagon; how hard this shaking, as we drive along over rough, frozen roads, and never a word of sympathy.  Johnny gets so cross, if he even thinks I feel badly;  Well, I thank God, for giving me a heart, that can keep its sorrow to itself.

 

Tues. 17  The country thro’ which we are passing, is very hilly and a very cold North West wind has blown all day.  We are very heavily loaded (3600 lbs) as we felt we must take everything possible with us to save expense of Freight and it retards our progress.  I am so tired tonight.  We passed thro’ Allen, at Sunset, and drove four miles beyond, to a little stream of water, where we are camped for the night.

 

Wed. 18  We passed thro’ Americus on the U. P. Railroad about 1 o’clock and drove many miles to the South West to camp tonight.  The day has been so hard.

 

Thurs. 19  Passed thro’ Toledo and Safford this morning and reached Cottonwood Falls this evening and stayed all night with Mata Magerl at her Grandmother Holz, and met her Aunt Alma and Uncle Leo Holz, lovely German people.

 

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November 1891

 

Fri. 20  We left our very hospitable friends, the Holz family, this morning; passed thro’ the pretty little town of Elmdale and are in camp tonight at Collett; recent rains have made the roads heavy and we made very slow progress today.  Has been “misting” all day, but I am not so tired, because of slow driving and my good rest, last night, in a bed.  We have a mattress in the wagon, but is so narrow and cramped, one only rests, because all tired out.

 

Sat. 21  We passed thro’ Marian, a nice, thrifty looking little town, late this afternoon and are in camp, three miles West tonight.  Turned very cold and wind blows a gale and only that we are in a hollow I believe it would blow our wagon over, heavy as it is.  We see some fine country and some especially pretty places, but the trip is so hard, I can’t enjoy anything.  I am not so sick any more, but I suffer dreadfully, from the jolting of the wagon, so I get out and walk as much as I can, but I am getting so heavy and it is so hard for me to climb in and out of our high wagon over the side-boards.  It is cruel of Johnny to make me suffer such torture by this trip.

 

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November 1891

Still We Journey Westward.

 

Sun. 22  Passed thro’ Hillsboro and Lehigh today and tonight are stopping over night with a young couple by the name of Drew, three miles East of Canton.  They are strangers, but insisted on our coming in and sleeping in a bed and I am so grateful.

 

Mon. 23  Drove thro’ the “outskirts” of Canton, McPherson Co., this morning and 7 miles beyond to the Ritz farm by noon, and are “laying over” here, to rest and visit and “re-adjust” our load, which has become badly shaken apart.  Mrs. Ritz is a cousin of Mother Shaw’s.  So tonight again, I will get to straighten my tired body in a bed, with room to turn over, and I am so tired and worn I could cry, if I could only get away by myself.  Mrs. Ritz had such a splendid supper and I ate heartily without getting sick.

 

Tues. 24  Mr. Ritz has a lovely home and is well to do – a fine farm well stocked.  We left Ritz’s at 2 oclock today and drove 12 miles West to McPherson where we are encamped tonight.  The roads were fine and the team rested for a day.  This is a great corn country.

 

Wed. 25  Drove thro’ Conway at noon and thro’ Windom this evening and are camped 3 miles

West tonight.

 

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November 1891

West, across the Plains of Kansas.

 

Thurs. 26  “Thanksgiving Day” and in spite of the hardship, I am passing thro’, and all my load of care, I have much to thank God for.  It has been a grand day, and Johnny killed some Quail this morning, which gave us a finer dinner, than any Turkey.  We ate our dinner, cooked over a campfire, at noon, near Mitchell.  Passed thro’ Little River this morning and crossed pretty little stream there also.  Passed thro’ the pretty little town of “Lyons” this evening and are in Camp for the night about a mile West.  See some fine country.

 

Fri. 27  Drove thro’ Chase today and thro’ Ellinwood this evening, camping 3 miles West.  Oh! the trip is so hard and I spend many hours crying, when Johnny thinks I am sleeping, as I lay behind him, in our wagon, so crowded, that two can’t sit, “side by side.”

 

Sat. 28  We drove into Great Bend this morning and stopped ‘till 2 o’clock, to rest the Team and buy supplies.  There are some pretty Buildings here.  We drove 12 miles West, to Pawnee Rock, where we are in Camp for the night.  A Hard Old Trip.

 

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November 1891

Sun. 29  Got our usual late start, this morning, and only made 9 miles to Larned by 1 o’clock P. M. where we ate dinner.  A pretty place.  Then drove 11 miles to Garfield, where we camp tonight.  I wish Johnny would not travel on Sunday.  I bought some fine milk from a fine old lady just before we got to this little town.  We have been able to buy about all the milk we wanted, from the Settlers.

 

Mon. 30  Oh! how endless seems this journey – we reached Kinsley at noon and Offerle this evening, driving three miles West to camp.  We ought to stop over night in some town, where I could get help if I needed it, but Johnny insists on going every mile we can, so we will get thro’ some time.

 

December

 

Tues. 1  The nights are very cold;  Drove thro’ Bellefont this morning and to Spearville, where we ate dinner.  Sandy country – we saw wild geese and ducks but did not succeed in killing any.  We see Prairie Chicken occasionally and the Jack-Rabbits are always jumping up in front of us.  Drove thro’ Wright and camped four miles West tonight.  These little Frontier towns out here, in this short grass country don’t seem to have much to live for, but it is a pretty country.  Just a great Plain of Buffalo Grass.

 

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December 1891

 

Wed. 2  Passed thro’ Dodge City, this morning and tonight are camped 20 miles West at Cimarron.  Cold and the wind blows a gale.  We drove in beside a large empty Store building and are pretty well protected.  The roads are something terrible and sometimes it is wholly unsafe for me to be in the wagon.  The journey is so hard, that many times, I lie on the mattress behind Johnny, and cry my heart out and he thinks I’m sleeping.  How blind most men are and how utterly indifferent to what women suffer.  Some times, after a hard days journey, I can feel no life and my heart is agonized, lest my little one be dead.

 

Thurs. 3  We drove from Cimarron, 20 miles to Pierceville, where we camp tonight.  A terrible wind storm raged all day.  Johnny tried to kill some wild duck, but too windy to do anything.

 

Fri. 4  We reached Garden City by 2 o’clock and ate out dinner.  Some very fine Buildings “Prairie-dog towns are plentiful in this Western country.  We drove 6 miles to Sherlock, where we are camped tonight.  Every day is cold and the nights, worse but we are getting quite used to the cold.

 

[Page 113]

 

December 1891

“Lost in a Blizzard on the Plains.”

 

Sat. 5  Passed thro’ Deerfield and Lakin today.  Six degrees below zero last night and we had no sheter whatever, but was no wind.  About 4 o’clock, we came to a Ranch house and stopped to enquire the better road, as two roads forked here.  It was commencing to snow and the people advised us to stay with them over night, as a Blizzard was immenent, but Johnny would not listen to them.  Oh! I would give the world, to have stayed.  They said but one house in 18 miles and that an empty one and Johnny understood them to say, but one empty house in 18 miles.  Well, we drove on and the storm grew worse, and soon was dark and the little travelled road, began to fill, and my heart beat anxiously; finally when we could no longer follow the dim trail, to either go ahead or turn back, and the wind, snow and ice was suffocating us and we could hardly force our Team against it, we made out a dim black shadow, near the road, which proved an empty and locked “Claim Shanty,” so we drove up beside it and are camped, with no other protection and completely lost and only those who have been lost in a Blizzard know the agony.

 

[Page 114]

 

December

“The Day After.”

 

Sun. 6  Brigt sun shining but Awfully Cold.  The wind was blowing so hard this morning, that I feared to look out of our closed wagon, lest the storm still be raging, but when I found heart to do so, the sun was shining and a dim depression, showed we were near the road, but Oh! the terrible anxiety of the past night.  Lost in a terrible storm, that might last, on these barren Plains, for days and our poor horses, tho blanketed, had to stand out in it all, as also our faithful Watch dog, Joe, a fine Newfoundland, whom we might have kept in wagon, with us only for Johnny’s impatience; and we might all have been comfortably housed, had Johnny but listened to the kindly Ranch people.  I am sure I did not sleep a moment all night; our horses and dog suffered dreadfully, and Johnny froze his hands, a little “unhitching.”  And we had very little fuel to; Oh! it was a night of torture, but God graciously spared us, and my unborn Babe, that I so feared would would come to me last night God has been merciful and I cannot thank Him enough.  We drove to Kendall for dinner and six miles only farther West, to camp tonight – deep snow – hard traveling

 

[Page 115]

 

December 1891

“The Last Hundred Miles.”

 

Mon. 7  We reached Syracuse, our last City in Ks. nearly noon, and found my father there, with Team, to meet us and take part of our load.  And he took a mighty big load, off my heart, for there will be no more anxiety, about roads.  After dividing our load, with Pa and eating our dinner and getting some supplies, we started out on the last hundred miles of our journey.  Crossing the Arkansas River and driving 8 miles S. W. we are cozily camped among some low, sand Hills, and I can sleep happily because Pa is here and I feel safer.  He protested about starting out with us after dinner as we could reach ho house, to make our camp tonight, but we told him we were used to it.  He was shocked to think we had not camped each night, in a town, where I could have had some comfort, and care if needed.

 

Tues. 8  Have driven all day, today, without a sight of a living thing; not a bird, bush or tree; the Plain as level as a floor, with only Buffalo grass growing; not the slightest hollow or raise of ground – just a monotony of “distance”  We camped tonight at Pettits Ranch and my father insisted on my going in to visit Mrs. Petitt who seldom sees a woman in her Ranch life.  I was very sick all day.

 

[Page 116]

 

December 1891

The Journey Ended

 

Wed. 9  We drove thro little village of Minneapolis today and are camped tonight at Anderson’s Ranch on Horse Creek.  I have been sick all day and came near fainting this evening up at the Ranch house.  The Ranch people were very hospitable.

 

Thurs. 10  Commenced our journey this morning before Sunrise and reached Pa’s Ranch, Belle View, at 11:10 A. M. and I could have cried with joy, that my long hard journey was ended, only I was too tired and sick.  My sister and family (May and Lyman, and little James and Zaidee) were all at Pa’s to meet us.  Little Zaidee is five years old today.  We were four long weeks on the journey, who would not rejoice at the end of it.

 

Fri. 11  Enjoying blessed rest at Pa’s today; I wonder if it wont seem like this in Heaven, when our Earthly journey is ended.  Not a very pleasant day, almost a storm.  Oh! its been so hard, and I am sure my unborn little one, became tired to, because some nights, after a hard day, there would be no pulse of life and I would fear lest my little one would never come to me.

 

[Page 117]

 

December 1891

Springfield, Boca Co., Colorado.

 

Sat. 12  A drizzling rain falling all day and I could not be out doors.  I almost suffocate in the house, because I have lived out doors, day and night for a month.

 

Sun. 13  Rained hard all day, a regular “down pour” and I am so glad we are not traveling; got thro’ just in time.

 

Mon. 14  Regular Blizzard today; snowing and blowing dreadfully.  How “lucky” we are to be home.

 

Tues. 15  Rather a pleasant day again and we are looking about us, for a home to move into.

 

Wed. 16  We went up to sister’s today and staid all night.  Little James is quite a talker, but “shortens” every word and sentence, he can.

 

Thurs. 17  Came back to Pa’s again today; not trying to do much, but rest; the journey was so hard.

 

Fri. 18  At Pa’s – It seems so good not to be jolting along every day in a wagon.

 

Sat. 19  at Pa’s just resting, resting resting.

 

Sun. 20  Still at Pa’s.  I enjoy this fine weather and walk much in the good “health giving” air.

 

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December 1891

 

Mon. 21  Johnny is no better than when we left Topeka  It was too late in the Fall to take such a trip.

 

Tues. 22  Johnny is 32 years old today.  The weather fine and I hope it continues so he will get well.  We are still at Pa’s.

 

Wed. 23  We have found no place to move yet, but want to get settled before the little one comes.

 

Thurs. 24  Snowed hard this evening, so we will have a white Christmas.  Guess we have a place to move to and will get settled soon now.

 

Fri. 25  “Christmas Day” and all sunshine, a deep snow and very cold.  At 12:30 P. M. Johnny “hitched up” and drove up to sisters with Vella and me, for a short call and to give a few Christmas things.  Poor folks can’t give much.

 

Sat. 26  We went over to Mr. James Wilson’s this afternoon, to complete arrangements for the renting of his farm as doctor told Johnny to go on a farm, so to be out in open air much as possible.

 

Sun. 27  Sister and family spent the day at Pa’s and we had a jolly day of it.

 

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December 1891

 

Mon. 28  We went over to Mr. Wilson’s awhile today; we will soon move over.  Stormed.

 

Tues. 29  We are still living at Pa’s; getting things together to go to housekeeping – must buy a few things.

 

Wed. 30  Don’t feel very well today, but I have been so well ever since we got here.  Still at Pa’s.

 

Thurs. 31  Pa, Ma, Vella, Johnny and I, all went to sister’s today to help celebrate, her 6th Wedding Anniversary.  Lyman is so good to her and their two little ones.  And so ends another year of my life.  I think the most unhappy, I have ever known.  Johnny is unkind to me, but more through his selfish, indifferent nature, than that he willfully means to be unkind; but it is not possible to live happily with him and were it not for God’s mercy, I could pray to die.  My greatest joy is my expected Motherhood and one would think, this coming joy, would make him kinder, but it does not.  He does not spare me in the least; there is not a profane, low, vulgar, filthy name he has not called me.  His vileness is almost unendurable.

 

[Page 120]

 

January 1892

Springfield, Colo.

 

Fri. 1.  “New Year’s Day.”  The past year has been so filled with sickness, sorrow and unhappiness, and so full of God’s grace to bear it all; I pray Oh! God, my Father, give me strength to bear, what ever comes to me, that is hard this year, and if it may please Thee, to give me peace and happiness.

 

It has been a beautiful day, but I have been so very sick all day in bed, and wondered it if meant the coming of my little one.  May, Lyman and the Children spent the day here at Pa’s.

 

Sat. 2  Still at Pa’s and feeling better.  Received a letter today, from Mrs. Baker in Topeka filled with “home news.”

 

Sun. 3  Lymans all came down to Pa’s today.  I am quite myself again; But wait anxiously for the coming of my little Girlie, because I know my babe, will be a girl.

 

Mon. 4  Johnny and I moved today to the J. W. Wilson farm, just mid-way between my father’s and my sister’s.  A mile and a half, to either, and I am glad to get to housekeeping again.

 

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January 1892

On a farm north of Springfield Colo.

 

Tues. 5  In our new home today.  Old Mr. Wilson is to board with us; quite a nice farm, well improved, and everything furnished – we give a third of the crop for rent and board him.  Doctor said only hope for Johnny was farm life and I pray, he may be restored to health, but there comes to me such a strong presentiment that he will never be well again and that my beloved child, yet unborn, will not be with me a great while.  I wish I could get rid of such a feeling, for it is terrible and I cannot give up either of them; and pray God, will not take them from me.

 

Pa, and all of Lyman’s here to dinner today; Pa & Lyman are shingling the kitchen roof, but got to cold to finish.  Snowing tonight.

 

Wed. 6  Pa and Lyman Gilbert, came at noon and finished the shingleing.  Got very cold this afternoon.

 

Thurs. 7  Sister May, came down awhile this morning.  I am beginning to get our new home, cozy, but my heart is among friends in Topeka; however I shall be very happy here, if Johnny only gets strong and well.  He may become kinder to me, if he gets well.  Consumption is dreadful.

 

[Page 122]

 

January 1892.

 

Fri. 8  Busy in my little Western home and I keep so well and strong.  Very cold day.

 

Sat. 9  Johnny and Mr. Wilson, went up town to the Soldiers dinner and Installation of Officers in G. A. R. Post, and as I can’t go out any where, I am alone today.

 

Sun. 10  All of my fathers and sisters, spent the day with us in our new home.  A pretty cold day and commenced snowing late this afternoon and is still at it at Bedtime.

 

Mon. 11  Very cold today.  It seems so long to wait for my little one; the little girl that’s coming.

 

Tues. 12  I am so very well and strong these days.  Johnny doesn’t seem to improve any.

 

Wed. 13  Not much to do these days, but wait for the Stork, to bring me my Baby; and he seems so long in coming with the wee treasure.

 

Thurs. 14  The weather is fine and I am resting and waiting, for the day of happy Motherhood.  Johnny’s health has not improved any and I fear we came too late.

 

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January 1892

Springfield Colo.

 

“Waiting”

 

Fri. 15  There is runing water and a fine Spring on this farm and a good well at the door; the kitchen is stone, and detached from the house; a fine large barn and hen house – we are unusually comfortable, for to be living in the West, fifty miles from a Railroad.

 

Sat. 16  The days seem long, till the coming of my child, whom I shall have no part in naming.  Johnny says “if a boy, it shall be named for him and if a girl, he shall name it for his cousin and I can have no “say so,” about it.  I could not be so selfish with him.

 

Sun. 17  We went over to Pa’s and spent the day and Lyman’s all there too.  Turned very cold and snowed.

 

Mon. 18  Little “girlie” Babe, when are you coming to mother?  And you know, you are to come to us a “wee girlie” because that is what your father wants you to be, while your mother would have you a boy, only for his sake.  I pray you may be a “wee girlie.”

 

Tues. 19  I have so little to keep me busy, and the days are “hours and hours” long, waiting the coming of my little one.  I wish I might have a nurse and a good doctor, but none here.

 

[Page 124]

 

January 1892

Springfield, Colo.

 

“Stork Approaches”

 

Wed. 20  My dear sister, Belle’s birthday and how I wish she were living, to be my little “comforter” for I will soon need sympathy to help me, bear the pains of mother hood.

 

Thurs. 21  I am beginning to count the hours almost until I shall have my little one in my arms.

 

Fri. 22  A pretty day, with little to do.  I feel so well.

 

Sat. 23  No day, could be more grand, than this one has been and I felt strangely bouyant when I arose this morning.  About 10 o’clock I began having pains and they have continued all day, increasing in severity – but I have had so much to do, and found I could stop them by stooping over, so I just stopped them and went on with my work.  Washed a few pieces, ironed a little and did much baking because, sisters and my fathers are coming over tomorrow.  I scrubbed my kitchen after 4 o’clock.  Oh! how I have suffered and Johnny never guessed I was in pain.  He and Mr. Wilson went to town, late this afternoon, and I was left alone.  It seemed to me, if motherhood was near I would have to go to bed, and since I

 

[Page 125]

 

January 1892

 

have been able to endure and go on with my work, it surely can’t be that.  I was suffering so dreadfully, I could not eat supper, but sat down to the table and held a paper in front of my face as if reading, so they would not see my face in pain and Johnny scolded me, for being “so interested in a Topeka paper, that I could not eat;” how little he knew.  But I kept everything to myself, until 11 o’clock tonight, a most severe pain, which I could not hold back, made me groan so loudly it awakened him and now he has gone for my stepmother and I sit here alone, with everything in readiness for the coming of the little stranger.  When he returns with Ma, he will go five miles in another direction, for Mrs. Gordon who is all I can have to help me thro’.  But she is the mother of 15 children and knows all about Babies.  I am just sitting here waiting for the folks to come so think I’ll read between pains.  Well here are ma and Johnny – he made a quick trip – Johnny has gone to sister’s to get Lyman to go for Mrs. Gordon and Ma is so surprised that I am able to be up.  And now Lyman has come at 1 o’clock with Mrs. Gordon and tries to jolly me.  I am still on my feet.  I make all go to bed.

 

[Page 126]

 

January 1892

“Motherhood blessed Motherhood”

 

Sun. 24  Today, at 12 minutes past 1 o’clock P. M. my precious, “wee girlie” came to her mother.  The dearest, sweetest, little treasure, ever a mother had.  The blackest hair and the blackest eyes, big and round and full.  I thank God with all my heart and soul and being for my darling.  But what a time we had, to get her; there are no doctors near here and motherhood was all but impossible; by stopping my pains, I had worn them out and nothing could be done to bring them on, and part of the time I lay exhausted and unconscious, until in sheer desperation, Mrs. Gordon tore me, with her fingers and pulled baby away, scratching the little forehead and almost crushing the head until was a great ridge across the top, big as my finger and the darling was black with strangulation – the cord twice around her neck.  She came without a pain and as soon as she was here, all suffering ceased and I feel strong as an ox.  In an hour and a half after she came, I had eaten a meal, hearty enough for a Harvest-hand.  I didn’t suppose they would let me, but they did and tonight I know I am strong enough to get supper.  And they are all surprised.  Mrs. Gordon, Johnny, Ma and sister were only ones with me.  We named Baby, Mabel Inez Belle.

 

[Page 127]

 

January 1892

 

Mon. 25  A fine day they tell me, tho’ they wont let me see outside and I feel as strong and well, as if there was never a pain in the world.  Pa came over this afternoon, to see my dear little girlie; he had not yet heard, what our precious gift was.  I have written several long letters, to Topeka friends today, to tell them of my happiness, also read the papers and feel so strong and well.  Oh! my sweet, blessed Babe, you are worth all the suffering you cost your mother, and more.  And how proud your father is of you; but thro’ it all, Johnny gave me but one sympathetic word; yesterday morning, he came to my bed-side and placing his hand on my brow asked in a sympathetic voice “Are you suffering much Mattie?  Well you will have to try to bear it now.”  The only kindly words I have had in all the months, and they brought tears of gratitude.

 

Tues. 26  Ma is still with me, because they wont let me do anything and I can’t get a girl.  But I feel strong enough to do any kind of work tho’ I suppose of course, I should not.  Sister came down to see me today.  Oh!  Baby, darling how precious you are to me.  I just love and love and love you, my treasure.

 

[Page 128]

January 1892  “My first Walk”  “Baby weighed”

 

Wed. 27  I wanted to name my girlie, “Inez Belle” but Johnny says she shall be always called Mabel for his cousin.  We weighed the precious mite of a baby today and she weighed 9 ½ pounds.

 

Thurs. 28  Mrs. Milt Gordon and baby, spent the day with me.  I would love to get up, but they wont let me and there has been no time, I have felt the least bit weak.  My unusual health and strength is a surprise to every one.


Fri. 29  I have been begging them to make my bed, as I am, on a feather-bed and it needs stirring but they are so afraid I will take cold, they wont do it, so this afternoon, when they were not near me, I hurriedly rolled out of bed and walked to a chair, across the room and sat down and told them they must make my bed for me, or I would do it.  Ma and Johnny were so shocked at my getting up and walking, that they were not long in making my bed, so they could get me back into it.  But I felt so good, I did not want to go back to bed.  My little sweet-heart and me, are so well and strong and I most devoutly thank God for our health.

 

[Page 129]

 

Jan. and February 1892

 

Sat. 30  Ma still staying with me and Pa came over and brought Vella to see my blessed baby and they spent the day with us.  Baby has had a little “colic” several times, but she is such a good baby.  I wash and dress her each day; in fact was the first one, to really give her a thorough washing.  Oh! its blessed to be a Mother.

 

Sun. 31  All of Pa’s and Lyman’s, spent the day with us.  Ma went home this evening and sister May stayed all night with me.  My blessed “wee girlie,” just grows and grows.

 

“February”

 

Mon. 1  Mother has nothing to do, but just lie here in bed with her own little girlie, cuddled up against her heart, all the day long.

 

Tues. 2  They allowed me to sit up awhile today, but kept my little “hearts-ease” in bed.

 

Wed. 3  Up awhile today again and let sister go home to her little people, for Johnny can attend to the work and my “baby sunshine” and myself, can take care of ourselves.  There has never been a moment when I felt weak.  I am so well.

 

[Page 130]

 

February 1892

 

Thurs. 4  My little sweetheart is 12 days old today noon and this evening, I went to the kitchen and got supper.  Johnny does not like to cook.

 

Fri. 5  I have gotten all the meals today and dear little girlie has been so good.  She is so sweet.

 

Sat. 6  Am doing all my work, but don’t do more than I really have to do.  I am so happy with my Baby.

 

Sun. 7  Lymans folks all here today.  May did most all the work.  My girlie grows and grows.

 

Mon. 8  Trying to be busy, but most I do, is to just love and love my little “hearts-ease;” she is such a dear, little “ray of sunshine” in my life.

 

Tues. 9  When Johnny is cross, what a little comforter my baby “treasure,” is.  I know I have some thing to live for.  Johnny quarrels with Mr. Wilson and that too, makes our home life very unpleasant.  Mr. Wilson is very old, somewhere near 80 and the two men cannot agree about the management of anything but Johnny is almost invariably in the wrong.  Mr. Wilson has been very kind to us too, tho’ has some childish ways

 

[Page 131]

 

February 1892

Springfield, Colo.

 

Wed. 10  My baby dear, you and I, will love and love, if all the World goes wrong.  Mother’s own dear precious girlie, how I thank God for you.

 

Thurs. 11  My wee Inez, grows and grows.  Her father always calls her Mabel, to contrary me.

 

Fri. 12  I find plenty to do these days, with my little Treasure love, to work for.

 

Sat. 13  Busy with Saturday work and my little love.  Oh! little “Treasure,” God bless the day you were born, and came to fill Mother’s heart with joy; my sweet one, how I love and love you.

 

Sun. 14  Lyman’s all came down this afternoon; the children are fond of their little cousin.

 

Mon. 15  I wish my friends in Topeka, could see my little sunshine, my blessed little joy.

 

Tues. 16  ‘Tis wonderful how you grow, my loved one, but Mother’s heart will always be large enough for you, however fast you may grow.

 

Wed. 17  There is no joy, like the joy of Motherhood and baby and I are very happy, even tho’ Father is so cross at times.

 

[Page 132]

 

February 1892

“Baby’s first Visit”

 

Thurs. 18  Johnny grows into better health and stronger all the time, yet I do almost as much for him as for Baby.

 

Fri. 19  My little Inez, is so well ”featured,” tiny hands and feet and the prettiest ears; big black eyes, so round and full and the blackest hair.  Oh! she is a most wonderful Baby.

 

Sat. 20  We took our Baby for her first visit, today went over to Pa’s to help celebrate Ma’s 46th Birthday.  May, Lyman and children there too.  A grand day and I enjoyed getting away from home.

 

Sun. 21  Another fine day and we went to Sister’s to spend the day.  Inez four weeks old today, and laughs for us and looks at every thing.

 

Mon. 22  Am not well today; guess I should not have changed dresses to go visiting.

 

Tues. 23  Not at all well; have taken a little cold.

 

Wed. 24  Feeling pretty badly today; hope it does not make my little sweet-heart sick.

 

Thurs. 25  Don’t feel much better today.  I know I overwork but I try not to leave anything for Johnny to do.

 

[Page 133]

 

February 1892

 

Fri. 26  Feel some better today.  We have our Baby “spoiled” alright; she cries to have the light burn all night; and her father wont have her cry.

 

Sat. 27  Am feeling pretty well again, today.

 

Sun. 28  Lyman’s all here, also Mr. & Mrs. Frank Tipton and three of their children.  Pa and Vella came over a little while this morning to see the Baby, who is sweeter every day.

 

Mon. 29  Just resting and loving my sweet girlie who is already seeing things and laughing.”

 

March

 

Tues. 1  A lovely day and I am thankful for the sunshine out of doors, as well as in my heart.  Baby grows sweeter every moment.

 

Wed. 2  What a comfort you are, little “joy girl,” and what unspeakable bliss, when with your head pillowed on Mother’s breast, we rock away, to Bye-lo Land.

 

Thurs. 3  With a world of care, and a home life, none to happy, my sweet Babe is never a burden.  I bless God every day, for the little life, He has given into my care and I pray always that I may live worthy such love.

 

[Page 134]

 

March 1892

 

Fri. 4  Has rained all day; but what care, baby and I, for cold and rain outside; with my sweet one, cuddled close to my heart, all the world is aglow with sunshine and warmth.

 

Sat. 5  Has been snowing all day, but with “wee girlie” nestled close in my arms, the house is Spring-time, warmed with my love.

 

Sun. 6  Clear, windy and cold.  My little darling grows apace and is becoming a load for Mothers arms; grows sweeter every day and laughs and crows and tells mother all sorts of pretty tales, of Baby-land.  Oh! little Treasure, how I love you.

 

Mon. 7  I have much to do in the house and out of it, but the work I do, for my “hearts treasure” never makes me tired, O blessed baby.

 

Tues. 8  My little “joy girl,” you expect mother to do nothing, but hold you and talk to you; what a spoiled child you are.  And you show much temper sometimes too, when I cannot take you immediately, my precious one.

 

Wed. 9  Doing my usual round of work.  My “wee girlie” reaches her hands for play things and has cutest laugh.

 

[Page 135]

 

March 1892  Springfield Boca Co., Colo.

 

Thurs. 10  Wash and iron and bake, make beds, sweep and dust, wash dishes, do mending, milk and churn, look after chickens, chop wood too – I wonder if a woman is supposed to kill herself for a man, who has a temper like a Bear.  But then one marries “for better, for worse” and I do not believe in divorces, tho’ down deep in my heart, many times, I could wish there was a way out, when I am cursed beyond endurance.

 

Fri. 11  Baby Inez is so sweet and cute’ and the strongest baby; tries to sit up, and not two months old.  Sleeps on her stomach too, like her mother; many times I find she has rolled over on her stomach, in her sleep and I don’t see how she does it.

 

Sat. 12  Such a lovely day, that mother and baby went out to walk about and see how Spring is coming on.  Baby dear is getting so heavy, and I carry her on one arm, to do all my work, because she is so spoiled and her father wont have her cry.

 

Sun. 13  Very foggy, raw and cold, but we bundled up warm and went to Sister’s to spend the day, it being Lyman’s Birthday.  Pa’s were all there too.

 

Mon. 14  Snowing today.  My heart overflows with thankfulness, to God, for my sweet Baby.

 

[Page 136]

 

March 1892

 

Tues. 15  I so seldom get away from home, since Baby came, but it is such a joy, to have her, I am glad to stay home.  I wish Johnny was kinder.

 

Wed. 16  Busy with my usual round of work; and all the time loving my “wee girlie” and blessing God for her and praying she may be the means of making a good man of her father.

 

Thurs. 17  I do not see, how any one could help loving children.  My heart is full all the time, of the joy of my Babe and I can better, bear Johnny’s abuse, because I have her.

 

Fri. 18  A very frosty, foggy day, but all is joy and sunshine, inside with Baby.  O God is so good to me. 

 

Sat. 19  Still same weather, as yesterday, but in my heart, ‘tis Springtime with love, O my Baby.

 

Sun. 20  And still, ‘tis more of the same weather, but Baby and Mother are happy; Mother has much to live for, little love, in you.

 

Mon. 21  Johnny and Mr. Wilson, just quarrel and quarrel; simply cannot get along, so we moved into a part of the house, by ourselves, and he will have the other part and not board with us any more.  I wish Johnny was better tempered, for Mr. Wilson has been very kind.

 

[Page 137]

 

March 1892

 

Tues. 22  We drove over town this morning and then to Pa’s awhile.  The grandest day imaginable.  What a temper my little girlie, showed at noon.  I was in a hurry to get dinner, so laid her on the bed, because she is so very heavy to carry, while about my work; she is spoiled and expects to be carried all the time, so cried and cried until she could cry no more; almost broke my heart, but I would not give up and she finally cried herself to sleep.  Mr. Wilson came in to see why she cried so, and when I told him she only wanted to be carried, he said “she has her father’s devil in her.”  My sweet Babe.

 

Wed. 23  My baby girl, none the worse, for having cried out her little fit of temper, yesterday and it will be so much easier for me, to do my work, when I don’t have to carry such a little, “chunk of lead.”

 

Florus Friend who lives here in Springfield and was a School-mate of mine in Winfield, Kansas, was married today to Cora McIntire.

 

Thurs. 24  Baby Inez, is two months old today, and the sweetest, dearest, cutest, blessedest baby ever a mother had.  She can sit alone and she has the dearest little chuckle of a laugh and crows and coos so sweet – she is white and pretty as a finely chiseled piece of marble.

 

[Page 138]

 

March 1892

 

Fri. 25  My sweet baby love, lets me work without carrying her, since her “cry” the other day.  I have to milk and feed and chop most of the wood, beside all my other work, and Johnny I know is better able to do it, than I am.  He is over his cough and seems well and strong and I believe, in as good health as he ever was yet, I do all the hard work and getting out in the storm, to save him in every way I can; and it seems like the more I do for him, the more unkind he is to me.

 

Sat. 26  A busy day, in the house, and out.  I bless God every day, for my sweet Babe.  My heart is full of joy and thanksgiving all the time for her.  And she is such a pretty child; such fine features, very white, and great, large black eyes -  Everyone says she is a beautiful child.

 

Sun. 27  We spent the day at Pa’s.  My little love grows and grows and is so strong – sits alone and can raise up by herself.  I can’t make her lie day.  I sometimes wish I could take her and go away off, where we would never see her father; he curses me so and is so ill-tempered, I am afraid she will learn to do the same, when old enough.

 

[Page 139]

 

March 1892

 

Mon. 28  Johnny started on a hundred miles drive this morning, to Syracuse, Ks. for some of his plows and farming utensils.  Frank Tipton will go with him.  Pa did not think he ought to take such a long trip, this time of year, when there is so liable to be severe storms, but he is so self-willed, no one can do anything with him.  Joe, baby and I, went to sister’s, after Johnny left, to stay while he is away.  Joe, is my finely trained, Newfoundland dog.  He carried my basket and I carried Baby dear and together, we walked the 1½ miles up to Sister’s.

 

Tues. 29  All day and night with my sister.  An awfully windy day.  In my sister’s home, is “the fear and admonition of the Lord;” the reading of the Bible and family-prayer.  In my home, curses and abuse and I read my Bible most of time in secret to save myself and it, more abuse.

 

Wed. 30  A grand day, and sister & I with our babies drove over to Pa’s and spent the day.

 

Thurs. 31  Still at Sister’s.  An awful dust or sand storm, raged all day, by middle of the afternoon, had hid the sun, and grows worse; is something fearful.  Baby has a slight cough as if teething.

[Page 140]

 

April 1892.  Springfield, Colo.

 

Fri. 1  Am still at my Sister’s, and it is a grand day but last nights storm was a small Tornado, and we all got up and went to the “Cave.”  Many houses thro’ this sparsely settled country, were destroyed and some stock killed, tho’ no people hurt.

 

Sat. 2  I came home this morning, to get work done for tomorrow.  Johnny came home at 9 o’clock this evening sick with a cold, because out in so much bad weather.

 

Sun. 3  May, Lyman and the children all came down awhile this afternoon, to see if Johnny had returned.

 

Mon. 4  Johnny is not at all well and never will be, if he takes many more such trips as the one to Syracuse.

 

Tues. 5  Johnny worships our baby, but sometimes he gets cross, even at her, as well as at her mother.  But nothing ever makes me feel, impatient, with her; my heart is so full of its love, it cannot utter its thankfulness, for such a gift.

 

Wed. 6  My darling grows sweeter each day.  I am sure no baby, was ever so wonderful; the dearest little “chuckling laugh” and the sweetest “cooing” to mother.  O, my sweet-heart, was ever a mother more happy, or loved her baby more.

 

[Page 141]

 

Springfield Colo.

April 1892

 

Thurs. 7  Johnny is quite himself again, except he still coughs.  Baby love, grows like a little weed.

 

Fri. 8  Cooking extra today, for Johnny’s “Grub-box” as he starts to the “Cedars” tomorrow, to get “Posts” and a little wood.

 

Sat. 9  Johnny and my father started for the “Cedars” 30 miles away, this morning, to get Posts, and Baby and I are alone tonight, with old Joe dog.

 

Sun. 10  Lyman and May, came for me this morning and we all went to Ma’s and spent the day.  Rained and hailed this evening.  Little sweetheart and I alone again tonight, but God watches over us.

 

Mon. 11  Washed a large washing today.  My baby love and I have been alone all day and are alone tonight, except for old Black Joe dog, who loved baby dearly and must be let in the house early, every morning, to see her; he will walk straight to her bed and look at her so kindly and would “lick” her little face if I did not prevent him.

 

Tues. 12  My “wee girlie” and I were alone today, but Johnny got home this evening, with a big load of Cedar posts and wood.

 

[Page 142]

 

April 1892

 

Wed. 13  Went up to Sister’s at noon on horse-back.  She and little Jimmie came down and staid all afternoon with me.  How my heart has to suffer extremes; extreme joy with my baby, extreme unhappiness with my husband.  How can men be so cruel, as so many of them are.  Johnny’s temper is dreadful.  One evening he went out, to shoot Jack rabbits by “moonlight” and the dog followed and frightened the rabbits away, which made him so angry he was going to shoot the dog, who seemed to have a sense of danger and ran to the house and I opened the door and called him in, so not to let him repeat his offense, but Johnny followed determined to kill him, and my pleading for the dog’s life, because Baby and I need him, when left alone and he is our only protection, only made him more angry and when I stepped between him and the dog, still beging, for the dog’s life, he became insanely angry and drew his gun up and aimed at me, to shoot me.  I was paralyzed with fear, as I saw his look and could only turn to my little one sleeping on the bed and thought, “who will take care of my precious one” and in that instant she moved and attracted his attention, and he lowered his gun and left the room without a word.  Baby had saved my life, but O the horror I suffered in those moments.

 

[Page 143]

 

April 1892 Springfield, Colo.

“Baby’s Picture”

 

Thurs. 14  After dinner, we drove up, after sister, then over to Springfield, where we had our Baby Inez’s pictures taken, by a traveling Photographer.  She would just laugh, and crow, and throw her little hands in play, until we thought we never would get a picture; she was the happiest baby, and the Photographer called her a “little Brick,” because the more he would try, to get here quiet, the more she would play with him.  She is only 2 ½      months old, and sat up straight, in a High chair alone, to have her picture, tho’ I held her dress from the back, so she would not throw herself from the chair in her play.  I wanted to have her picture and mine taken together, but Johnny would not let me.  After we got the pictures May & I went to call on Mrs. Miser and Mrs. Whittaker and see their new babies, then came home, we first taking May, home.

 

Fri. 15  A busy day at home. I can’t thank God enough, for sending this sweet baby into my life.

 

Sat. 16  We drove over to Springfield this morning and then to Pa’s awhile.  I baked a pie and took to Vella, it being her 12 Birthday.  O my baby love, is so sweet.

 

[Page 144]

 

April 1892

 

Sun. 17  A quiet day at home.  How my lovie, girlie enjoys her morning Baths.

 

Mon. 18  May and family, spent the day with us.  Little James always has to be allowed, to hold his little cousin and rock her awhile.

 

Tues. 19  Garden-making time, in Colorado, and of course I make it, and when I go out to work in the garden, I take little girlie along, in a big clothes-basket, on wheels and “old black Joe” lies beside her and watches her while I work.  He is a faithful old dog.

 

Wed. 20  My little “Joy girl” and I, are always busy.  She is busy growing and getting fat as a little pig.  She weighs 18 pounds and is not three months old.

 

Thurs. 21  O, I get so tired sometimes, but I feel, that never in all my life, can I thank God enough, for my dear little one.  She is such a little “Sun-beam,” the one bright-spot, in all my life.

 

Fri. 22  Sister May, here all day and Pearl Friend, who was a school-mate, in Winfield, Kansas, spent the afternoon with me.  Came out, from Springfield on horse-back, to see my blessed Baby and have a little ride.

 

[Page 145]

 

April 1892 Springfield, Colo.

“Baby’s Cold”

 

Sat. 23  Dear little Inez, is the best baby any Mother ever had.  But Oh! what a little temper sometimes.

 

Sun. 24  My sweetheart Baby, is three months old today.  All of Pa’s were here to spend the day with us.  Lyman and Zaidee, came for a short call, late this afternoon – sister was not feeling very well and did not come down.

 

Mon. 25  My busy wash day.  My hands are full these days.

 

Tues. 26  Sister and little Jimmie came down for dinner today in honor of my 25th Birthday.  Only 25 years old and think of the world of care I’ve had.

 

Wed. 27  Busy, busy, busy.  Baby makes work – and love.

 

Thurs. 28  Chickens, to care for, garden to make; Johnny busy but I do much of his work and he never does mine.  He is so ill-tempered, I would be miserable but for my Baby; what a treasure she is.

 

Fri. 29  Baby lovey, has a little cold, and it makes me very anxious about her.  God keep baby well.

 

Sat. 30  My loved baby is cross and fretful.  Oh! my treasure I pray you may keep well.

 

[Page 146]

 

May 1892

 

Sun. 1  We went up to sister’s for dinner, then drove to Frank Tipton’s for the afternoon.

 

Mon. 2  Baby dearie, do you know, you grow so fast, you can hardly, wear a thing you have?  And I will be compelled to make new clothes before it is warm enough, to put you, in short clothes.

 

Tues. 3  Baby is cross and fretful, and everyone thinks Johnny is letting me work too hard, and have told him, we wont raise her, if he does not do differently; of course he doesn’t think that way.

 

Wed. 4  Baby coughs, but does not seem to have more than a slight cold, but it makes me anxious.

 

Thurs. 5  A most awfully windy day.  Baby just about the same; her cold does not seem to yield.

 

Fri. 6  My sweet girlie, is none to well, with this cold and I worry, in spite of myself.

 

Sat. 7  Rained hard all day.  Baby just about as usual.  Oh! God bless, and keep my little one.  Give her health and spare her to be my joy and comfort.  O, I love her so.  Life would be nothing without her.

 

[Page 147]

 

May 1892

 

Sun. 8  Has rained hard all day.  Baby plays most of time, but is not well and it makes my heart ache.

 

Mon. 9  God I pray, keep my Baby well.  She only seems fretful and cross, but her cold does not yield to treatment; sometimes it makes me heart-sick.

 

Tues. 10  We drove over to Pa’s awhile this morning; it was such a fine morning.  Johnny drove the Wilson mules and they came near, “running off” with us, coming home, and I was frightened for Baby.

 

Wed. 11  I do not believe, my darling, has a cold at all.  I believe she is “teething.”

 

Thurs. 12  Lyman’s were all here today.  Lyman is helping Johnny put in the Spring crop.  I have been helping “plant corn” but Baby is not well and I can’t take her to the field.

 

Fri. 13  Lyman’s all here again today.  Zaidee and Jimmy think they must hold her and Jimmy is especially fond of her.

 

Sat. 14  Lyman’s all came down again today

 

Sun. 15  We spent the day at Pa’s.  He made Ice-cream.  He puts up his own ice.

 

[Page 148]

 

May 1892 Springfield, Boca Co Colo.

 

Mon. 16  Lyman’s all here again today, helping to get in more of the crop.  Our mare “Daisy” gave us a fine mare colt about noon and Johnny named it for himself, “Winnie” the “nic-name” the mail-carriers in Topeka, gave him.

 

Tues. 17 Lyman Gilbert family, all here again today.  Baby gets no better and no worse, and still coughs, but not as if it were a cold and I am convinced she is “teething,” tho’ many say “too young”

 

Wed. 18  Are having such lovely weather.  May, Lyman and children all here again today.

 

Thurs. 19  My darling, sweetheart, bites on everything and bites me, so hard when nursing, I am sure she is teething; she’s not at all well.

 

Fri 20  A very windy day.  How I wish there was a good Doctor in this part of the country, that I might consult him, for my little “joy-girl,” instead of using all the remedies, all the old “grand-mothers” can think up, for all the “diseases,” one every heard or dreamed about.

 

Sat. 21  Another windy old day.  Baby coughs a little

 

[Page 149]

 

May 1892

 

Sun. 22  A lovely day and this afternoon, Johnny and I, carrying our Baby girl, between us, in her clothes Basket, took a walk down to the Creek and sat in shade of the trees.  I am very tired and Baby dearie, was fretful, tho’ she lay looking up at the trees and “cooing” part of time.

 

Mon. 23  A lovely day and Baby seems some better.  My little, treasure, don’t get sick, for it makes Mother’s heart ache and ache.  My blessed one.

 

Tues. 24  My blessed, little, “sun-beam girl” is four months old today, and such a joy to her mother; there would be little to live for, without you, my precious one.  Oh! God keep her well.

 

Wed. 25  Johnny has not been well, since his trip to Syracuse, Ks.; that is he coughs and it seems to grow worse.  And baby, love is not well so my heart is heavy with care

 

Thurs. 26  My blessed little one, seems better today.  If the little teeth would only come, I’m sure she’d be alright.

 

Fri. 27  We went with Lyman’s, to Pa’s, today to spend the day – his 52 Birthday.  Mrs. Milt Gordon and baby Elmer there to dinner and we had a fine time.  Baby not so well today.

 

[Page 150]

 

May 1892 Springfield, Colo.

 

Sat. 28  My little treasure, seemed so much worse today, that we took her, away down to Vilas, to a Mrs. M. E. Martin, a sort of “Home-made” Baby doctor, and she says, there is very little hope, that my darling can live.  Could a mother ever hear more cruel words – why it stunned me, crushed me my Baby must live, or I’ll die.

 

Sun. 29  Johnny took me over to Pa’s this morning where I will stay while my precious one is sick.  My heart is so utterly crushed and broken, I cannot stay at home.

 

Mon. 30  At my father’s.  My “wee girlie” seems brighter today, but my spirit is crushed.  I am wholly undone.  I only seem to live because there is yet life, in my sweet Babe.

 

Tues. 31  Still at my father’s.  My heart aches with fear, for my little “joy-girlie.”  It seems to me, every breath I draw is a prayer to God, to spare me my precious Baby, whom I have loved and thanked Him for, every moment I have had her.  Oh! God hear the pleading of an agonized heart.

 

[Page 151]

 

June 1892 Springfield, Colo.

 

Wed. 1  Little Inez is so sick, I hardly let her out of my arms day or night, but we think she is getting better, very slowly.

 

Thurs. 2  My precious one seems a little brighter, but I dare not hope.  I can only pray God to have mercy and spare me, my child.

 

Fri. 3  Very hot day and Baby very restless.  Oh! Baby love, how mother’s heart aches.

 

Sat. 4  Johnny went to Vilas to see Mrs. Martin today and she says, since baby has gotten along as well as she has, so far she may live; dare I grasp at this “Straw” of hope?

 

Sun. 5  We are still at Pa’s.  Milt Gordon and family down to Pa’s today.  Pa made Ice-cream.  As soon as Inez is well enough, I am going to take her to Topeka, to a doctor.

 

Mon. 6  Baby grows brighter, I think.  Johnny goes over to the Wilson place (our home) each day to look after things, then comes back to Pa’s.

 

Tues. 7  Mrs. Martin thinks Baby’s trouble is her lungs and I’m just as sure its her teeth; she seems better.

 

[Page 152]

 

June 1892 Springfield Colo.

 

Wed. 8  Baby about as usual and we went over home this morning, to get some of my clothes, then went up to Lyman’s and finished packing my trunk, to go to Topeka, Ks, with my baby, to get a good Doctor and if she gets well, I’ll be in no hurry to come back to a cross man.  I shall at least, take a good, long, rest and am packing my trunk, with that in view.  We stay all night, tonight with May and Lyman.

 

Thurs. 9  Johnny drove 50 miles today, to Lamar with Baby and I, where was to take 9:30 evening train for Topeka, but it is very late and we are “camping” in the wagon until morning.  It has been such a hot, windy day, that my little darling has suffered from the trip, and it breaks my heart.

 

Fri. 10  I took the train at 2:30 this morning for Topeka, Ks. with my little sick darling to get a good Doctor for her.  Arrived in Topeka at 4:30 P. M. and took Cab to Mother Shaw’s 1217 E. 10 St.  It has been such a long hard trip, it seemed at times my precious one, would die.  Phoned for Doctor Menninger, who is out of City; but baby got easier and we wait for him.

 

[Page 153]

 

June 1892 Topeka Ks.

1217 East 10th St.

 

Sat. 11  At Mother’s.  Dr. Menninger came this morning; says baby is a very sick baby, but will get well.  It is her teeth, as I suspected and she has Brain-fever; O it is so terrible.

 

Sun. 12  Dr. Menninger here again to see my “wee girlie” who is so very sick, I don’t see how he can be hopeful.

 

Mon. 13  Baby seems better.  Dr. M. came again this morning.  I try to be hopeful and I pray.

 

Tues. 14 Dr. M. here this morning again to see Baby Inez.  I do not undress, day or night and trust my child, to no one.  I only sleep with her in my arms.

 

Wed. 15  Baby Inez, so much better that Dr. M. did not come today, but my heart is so anxious, I scarcely eat or sleep.

Thurs. 16  Dr. Menninger came again today, and baby grows better, but my heart is heavy in spite of his reassurances, for something tells me I must give up, my heart’s treasure.  Oh! if I could but get rid of these dreadful premonitions.

 

[Page 154]

 

June 1892.  1217 E-10 St., Topeka Ks.

 

Fri. 17  Still at mother’s and scarcely eat or sleep because of my anxiety, and never trust my baby a moment to any one.  Dr. M. did not come today.  She continues to improve.

 

Sat. 18  Dr. Menninger came today, and thinks baby is doing so well, it is not necessary for him to come and more and I can give the medicine he left for her.

 

Sun. 19  Inez is better.  Johnny writes nearly every day and addresses, the letters to Baby.

 

Mon. 20  Commenced today, to make some short dresses for my little loved one, for she is so large, and it is so hot here.  Baby is begining to play with her “Playthings” again and I can let her lie in the Rocking-chair.

 

Tues. 21  One of the Mail-carrier’s (Fred Farnsworth) a good friend of Johnny’s, came down this evening and brought Mrs. Eva Herman and two children, to see Baby Inez, and my little girlie played with Fred until she went to sleep.  She is so sweet.  O if she were only well and strong like other babies

 

[Page 155]

 

June 1892

1217 E-10-St. Topeka, Ks.

 

Wed. 22  Baby is doing nicely but had to call Dr. M. to see me, for I am all worn out with loss of sleep and rest, and care and anxiety and I have a very sore breast; in fact I am sick, all over, and had to give up awhile this afternoon and go lie down and sleep and leave my darling to the care of her Aunt Retta Shaw.

 

Thurs. 23  Still at Mother’s, who has a room, with Johnny’s brother Jim.  Very hot here.  Baby is better and so am I, and I walked out with her awhile this evening, for a little airing.

 

Fri. 24  My sweet blessed girlie is five months old today and I put her first short dress on her.  She is so sweet and some have told me, she was “too sweet and pretty for this world” and I would not raise her.

 

Sat. 25  My precious one, slept peacefully and seemed quite a well Baby until 12:15 P. M. when she went into a “spasm” and by 3 o’clock had had five very hard ones.  Dr. M. got here at that time, stayed some time, working over baby; She kept getting worse and he returned at 9:30 Baby very low.  Telegraphed for Johnny, but from Lamar Colo. the message must go by mail and no Stage on Sunday. (tomorrow)

 

[Page 156]

 

June 1892

1217 – E – 10- St., Topeka, Ks.

 

Sun. 26  My little darling was almost continuously in spasms all last night and I have prayed with every breath I drew, to God, to be merciful and spare my child to me.  She has had many, hard spasms all day, but fewer than last night.  Eva Herman and Mrs. Wm Baker, have helped me all day.  Dr. M. came and his medicine helped baby a little.  I plead Oh! God for the life of my child.

 

Mon. 27  Retta Shaw stayed up, with me tonight, and helped me care for baby and once when baby seemed dying, Retta said to me, “she is dead, there is no need to give her medicine,” but I could not give up and I forced the medicine, down her throat and she revived, and from 1:30 A. M. was better, and “nursed” two different times but at 9:30 this morning, she grew worse and death commenced; there were no more spasms, but one knew she was suffering dreadfully, and with a broken heart, I bowed to God’s will and said “Oh! Lord, I give her back to thee:  I cannot see her suffer longer.”  At 10:05 this evening, while I held her to my aching heart, God sent the Angels for her and her terrible suffering ended and mine commenced.

 

Mrs. Pettit and Mrs. Ed. Johnston, were with me when baby died.  Every one else were in bed asleep.  I don’t know when I have slept.

 

[Page 157]

 

June 1892

1217 E-10-st., Topeka, Ks.

 

Tues. 28  Oh! God if You would, in mercy, take me to my child.  I hardly know that I live. 

 

Wed. 29  Oh! the emptiness of my arms, the loneliness of my heart.  Oh! God, ease this terrible heart-ache.  Johnny arrived, from Springfield, Colo. at 4:30 P. M. and is crushed by the loss of our darling.

 

Thurs. 30  We buried our little darling, in the Topeka Cemetery at 5:30 P.M.  Charlie Conwell Sad Hodgins, Wes Brown and Fred Farnsworth (Letter Carrier friends) were the Pall-bearers.  The Carriers sent a lovely pillow of flowers and F. Farnsworth sent a “Star” of flowers; many others, also sent flowers.

 

Rev. B. L. Smith of First Christian Church, preached her funeral.  It seemed wicked to leave my darling, in the cold, dark grave.  But tonight tho’ my heart is breaking, stunned crushed, I can say, “Thy will, Oh! God, be done.”  And in some way, I know God will help me to live, without my “wee girlie.”  And I do thank Him, with all my broken heart, that I’ve known the blessed joy of motherhood.  Heaven will be a brighter place, for my little ones, being there.

[Page 158]

 

July 1892 1217 E-10-St. Topeka Ks.

 

Fri. 1st  At mother’s today and my heart aches and aches.  Johnny and his mother quarrel so, and I can’t bear to hear it.  Johnny and I came out to Guy Herman’s to stay all night, but I am lonely every where I go.

 

Sat. 2  Spending the day with the Herman’s

 

Sun. 3  Again today and tonight with the Hermans.  Mrs. Baker and her sister, Alma Holz, up from Cottonwood Falls, came to Herman’s this afternoon and had Johnny and me, go with them down to Oakland.  They think to keep me going, so I will forget, but nothing will make me forget, how empty are my arms, and how heavy the sorrow in my heart.

 

Mon. 4  Fourth of July, and we went with the Hermans’ to Garfield Park, this afternoon.  They need not think to make me forget.  I just long to be alone and cry my heart out.

 

Tues. 5  Johnny and I, went out on Lincoln St. this morning, to Mrs. Will Baker’s to spend the day and stay over night.

 

Wed. 6  Another day and night with Mrs. W. Baker.  He is out of the city.

 

[Page 159]

 

July 1892

 

Thurs. 7  We came back to Mother Shaw’s this morning and will stay all night.  Oh! its so lonely.

 

Fri. 8  We came to Mr. Guy Herman’s again today at 4th and Filmore and will stay all night.  I wish I did not have to meet people, for my heart is so heavy.  I could pray to die.

 

Sat. 9  We went to Charlie Conwell’s for dinner today, then to North Topeka, to meet Uncle Frank Van Orsdol and drove home with him, to Silver Lake.  After Supper Cousin Mary Van, went with Johnny and I, over to Uncle Geo. Van’s, to see rest of relatives and Aunt Lillie Van Orsdol, whom none of us had seen before.  She is Uncle John Van’s wife, visiting here from Rawlins Co., Ks. and is young, pretty and stylish.  Uncle George made ice cream and had music and dancing.

 

Sun. 10  We went to Uncle Geo. Van’s again this afternoon, but stay all night tonight at Uncle Frank’s.  Cousin May, 24 today

 

Mon. 11  We spent the day with Uncle Marian Van Orsdol’s.  Aunt Lillie was there, with her two children.  Cousin Claude is about 3 yrs. old and Bonita is just learning to walk.  We stay at Uncle Frank’s tonight.

[Page 160]

 

July 1892 Topeka Ks.

 

Tues. 12  Uncle Frank Van, brought us back to Topeka this morning.  Aunt Lillie came down too.  Johnny and I, came out to Mr. & Mrs. Chas. Conwells and will stay all night with them.  Everyone is so kind.

 

Wed. 13  We stayed all day and will stay tonight with Mr. & Mrs. Chas. Conwells, on Lincoln st.

 

Thurs. 14  We spent today with another Mail-Carrier family, Mr. & Mrs. Ed Hanway, and came to Guy Herman’s this evening to stay all night.

 

Fri. 15  Today and tonight with the Herman family.  I am utterly worn out and heart-sick.

 

Sat. 16  Today and tonight, with the Hermans.  Guy Herman and Fred Farnsworth left at 4:30, with a loaded Express wagon, for Maple Hill, Waubaunsee Co. to prepare a Camp, for a two weeks, “outing” on Mill Creek.

 

Sun. 17  We have spent the day, with Mrs. Herman and little Max and Ed. and will stay tonight.  I am so weary of heart I could die.  I do not see how I can ever live without my Babe.

 

[Page 161]

 

July 1892

 

Mon. 18  We, with Eva Herman and children, took the 12:50 Rock Island train, for Maple Hill and were met, by Guy and Fred, who drove with us to camp.  And tonight we are in a very pretty camp on Mill Creek, 1½ miles East of Maple Hill.

 

Tues. 19  In camp and a lovely place, on Mr. Frank McClelland’s farm.  The men have named the camp, “Camp Sunset” in honor of S. S. Cox (nicnamed Sunset Cox) who got the Bill thro’ Congress, to give Mail-Carriers, 15 days vacation each year, with pay.

 

Wed. 20  We have a lovely camp here, and plenty of fish.  We have three tents, three cots, two Hammocks, seats fixed in every convenient place, a table 12 feet long, with bench each side, two boats, and everything convenient.

 

Thurs. 21  At “Camp Sunset.”  Very pleasant here, but I am not well and O, so lonely.  We have become acquainted with Mr. & Mrs. H. G. Adams and Mr. & Mrs. Frank McClelland.

 

Fri. 22  At “Camp Sunset.  Eva Herman and I, went on horse-back to Mrs. F. McClelland’s for a jug of milk.  Eva rides “straddle.”

 

[Page 162]

July 1892

“Camp Sunset” Waubaunsee Co., Ks.

 

Sat. 23  A fine day in Camp Sunset.  Getting lots of fish.  This evening, Eva and I went on horseback, to Mrs. F. McClelland’s and went with her to their Pasture a mile and a half away, for the cows.  I rode Fred Farnsworth’s horse and she laid down with me, two or three times; not used to being rode.

 

Sun. 24  Sad Hodgins, came to Camp Sunset today from Topeka – we have many visitors.

 

Mon. 25  Dolly Zimmerman from Topeka, who is visiting the McClelland’s, visited the Camp today; first time I ever saw her and Eva and I both thought she seemed a mighty “flirty” little girl.

 

Tues. 26  Sad Hodgins still in Camp.  Fred Farnsworth is such a good boy, to have about Camp for he waits on us women, like a slave and when all work is done, he goes to fish and boat, with rest of the men.

 

Wed. 27  Sad H. went back to Topeka today and Cal West, came out.  Dollie Zimmerman Mr. & Mrs. McClelland and little Robbie, Mrs. J. N. Dolly and baby Esther

 

[Page 163]

 

July 1892.  “Camp Sunset”

Maple Hill, Kansas.

 

visited us in Camp today.  Fred F. hitched up, this evening and took the McClelland family, Dollie Z. Mrs. Herman and two children, and Johnny & I to spend the evening with Mr. & Mrs. Horace Adams.

 

Thurs. 28  Rained hard all day, and our pretty Camp is drenched.  Fred F. Johnny & I, went up to Mr. F. McClelland’s this evening to stay all night.  This is a dreary world.

 

Fri. 29  In muddy Camp Sunset, but packing to go home.  Mrs. Herman is 28 yrs., old today.  Guy is a cross old bat, and she is none too happy.

 

Sat. 30  Packed, and broke camp, at 11 o’clock today and Fred F. took Cal West, Eva and children, Johnny & I to Maple Hill, where we took 2:03 P. M. train for Topeka, where we stay all night with Herman’s.  Guy and Fred drove home and arrived at 10 o’clock P. M.  We have spent twelve very pleasant days in Camp and I am stronger, but so lonely.

 

Sun. 31  We spent the day with the Herman’s.  Fred F. came for us this evening and took us to his house to stay all night.  We had never met his people Johnny went to his brother Jim’s a little while.

 

[Page 164]

August 1892 Topeka Ks.

 

Mon. 1  I went down to Jim Shaw’s this afternoon, to see their new baby boy, born July 20th while we were at Camp Sunset.  We stay all night, tonight with the Farnsworth’s at 201 Topeka Ave.  They are such lovely people.  Just Fred and his father and mother.

 

Tues. 2  We are still at the Farnsworth’s’ they are most hospitable people.  Fred let us take his horse and buggy this afternoon and we drove out, to see Mrs. Will Baker.

 

Wed. 3  Are still at the Farnsworth’s 201 Topeka Ave. but are saying our good-byes.  I went this morning to call at Rev. B. L. Smith’s then to Mrs. Kempter’s, to see their new baby girl, a little over a week old.  Johnny gets so angry at times, that I am afraid he will break out in a fit of temper before the Farnsworths.

 

Thurs. 4  We came down to brother Jim Shaw’s this afternoon to stay over night, and I went over to see Mrs. Pettit and Mrs. Sadie Johnston.  Fred F. came down this evening to tell us good bye as he goes on a Picnic tomorrow.

 

[Page 165]

 

August 1892 Topeka, Ks.

 

Fri. 5  Johnny and I went to the Cemetery this morning to say goodbye to a precious little grave, and he cursed and swore and was so abusive, because I took some wild flowers and put on the little grave.  They were all I had, and I had no money to buy any better ones.  My “wee girlie” even so young, loved flowers and I’ve seen her hold and look at flowers and play with them and reach for every flower she saw any one have.  From Cemetery we went to the Herman’s, and Farnsworth’s and to Post Office to tell all good-bye.  After dinner Mother and Jim went to Santa Fe depot with us, and with a last goodbye, we took 2:40 P. M. train for Colorado.  Train was terribly crowded and very hot.  But I was almost insensible to any discomfort for my heart was so torn with grief, that I must leave, even the body of my precious one; that I must go so far from that little, grave.  I wonder how I’ve lived these weeks without her.  Oh! just because I cannot die.  Oh! if I might lie beside her, to stop the pain of my heart.

 

[Page 166]

 

August 1892 Colorado.

 

Sat. 6  We reached Lamar Colo. at 8:30 this morning and found Pa and sister May and two children, Zaidee and James, there to meet us.  Every one is so kind and do so many things to make me forget, but their very goodness, seems to make the pain greater.  We all drove down to Clay Creek, where we camped for the night, with Elmor Alexander and Mr. Crenshaw.  Miss
Alexander drove down to Clay Creek with us.

 

Sun. 7  Miss Alexander rode with her brother today and drove on ahead.  We took dinner at Butte Creek and drove to sisters home 5:30 P. M. where Johnny and I staid all night and Pa went on over home.

 

Mon. 8  We went to Pa’s this morning and will stay until can make other plans, for I just cannot, go back to the house where my “wee girlie,” my little “joy baby” was born.  Oh! it seems as if my heart would die with-in me, my baby, I want you so much.  My baby, my baby.

 

Tues. 9   At my fathers; there seems nothing to live for.

 

[Page 167]

 

August 1892 Springfield, Colo.

 

Wed. 10  At Pa’s.  I am all smiles to friends, that they may not be pained, to see my sorrow, but God knows, how my hours of the night are filled with tears, while others sleep.

 

Thurs. 11  We are still at Pa’s.  Johnny is so cross that it makes my cup of bitterness seem more than full – he gives me no kind words.

 

Fri. 12  And now they are planing a pleasure-trip.  I wish I could stay at home with my sorrow.

 

Sat. 13  We are still, with my father.  I try to be brave and not let any one know, how my heart, hurts, for I know it makes them all feel badly, to see me grieving.  I cannot even go to Johnny, because he worshiped our little one, and her death has seemed to make an “Infidel” of him.  So I give them my smiles, write my sorrow here, save my tears for the night hours, and pray that God will change Johnny’s heart and make him a christian man.

 

Sun. 14  We went with Pa’s folks up my sister’s, and spent the day.  But I’m always lonely; where ever I go.

 

[Page 168]

 

August 1892

Hunting and pleasure trip.

 

Mon. 15  At noon today, our Party started for a pleasure-trip down on the Cimarron River, to hunt, fish and gather wild Plums and Grapes.  There are 11 of us.  Pa and Vella, sister May and little Jimmie Florus Friend and wife, Mr. & Mrs. Milt Gordon and baby Elmor, and Johnny and I.  We drove 8 miles South and camped  for the night, on the level prairie.  All slept in one large tent, making beds on the ground.  Saw one lone, Coyote this afternoon.

 

Tues. 16  Drove all day, reaching Carrizzo Springs just before dark, where we camp tonight.  Saw two Coyotes and a large herd of Antelope today.  Lots of cattle and Cow-boys, near us tonight.

 

Wed. 17  Carrizzo Springs is a pretty, romantic place, once a town, but now only ruins without a living soul; and not even a whole house left standing.  But the grandest Spring coming out of the solid rock, strong enough to turn a mill.  About 40 Cow Boys camped near our tent last night, on their way to “Round up” cattle.  We left early this

 

[Page 169]

 

August 1892

 

morning, for Tukaloke Canon, which we reached by noon and went into camp.  Also a fine Spring here, called “Dripping Springs” because it drips from a great shelving rock, high overhead, falling into a large pond beneath.  All about and everywhere is great quantities of Maiden-hair Fern.  This is a wholly uninhabited country, wild and romantic and most wonderful scenery; more than a hundred miles form a Railroad, and almost inaccessable.

 

Thurs. 18  Left Tukaloke Canon this morning, driving thro’ the head of Pinavesta Canon, and have driven all day thro’ Carrizzo Canon stopping once at a Mr. Cole’s Ranch, (formerly, Ruppert Ranch) where we got Melons, Onions and Roasting-ears.  Then drove to Mr. Cornish’s Ranch, where we camp tonight near the Black Mesa close to Oklahoma line, they say ¼ of mile.  The Canons are grand, rocky places but how lonely and isolated these Ranch places.  Yet men come and rear families in these out of the way places, for the sake of the “Almighty Dollar,” regardless of the “starved” existence they must lead. 

 

[Page 170]

 

August 1892

 

Fri. 19  We drove by the mouth of Guyerras Canon this morning, passed “Robbers Roost,” and Road “C”, reaching Mr. Labriere’s Ranch at noon, where we went into Camp, in Pat Canon.  The men killed two Rabbits, 52 Mountain Quail, and caught 70 fish, in about an hours time.  Mr. Labriere and family, live in a nice Sod-house and we were the first women, Mrs. Labriere had seen in six months; it seems terrible to live clear away, from everybody and everything, yet they are happy and well, and I am not.  My heart never ceases its longing for my little one; and Johnny has been so abusive today, that my sister told him, she would not live with him if it were her.

 

Sat. 20  Left Mr. Labriere’s Ranch at noon, driving by the mouth of Sand Canon, to old Mr. Melton’s, where we bought some water-melons, then on to North Canon, where half way thro’, we camped in a Plum-patch but Plums too unripe to get any.

 

Sun. 21  Found any quantity of fine Plums this morning, but an old Hermit, living near would not let us have even one.  Got home 6 o’clock this evening.

 

[Page 171]

 

August 1892

 

Mon. 22  Resting from our trip, on which saw much beautiful country – all wild, rugged, nature.  I am crocheting a Lace Bed-spread and Pillow Shams, for the “Worlds Fair” to be held in Chicago.

 

Tues. 23  I have little to do here at Pa’s and of course have more time to brood after my heart’s loss.

 

Wed. 24  My sweet Mable Inez, would be 7 mo. old today, if living; and today is the 6th Anniversary of the death of my dear sister Belle.  Oh!  I’d be so happy if they were living.

 

Thurs. 25  My heart is so lonely.  I could pray for another child.  I am almost frantic at times, to be a mother again, but Johnny’s health is so poor I dare not think of it; it would be wicked.

 

Fri. 26  Sometimes, I almost think God did not know how lonely my heart would be, and how it would just ache and ache, and hurt me so, or He would not have taken from me, my “wee girlie.”

 

Sat. 27  We have made up our minds, to move into Springfield, because I cannot bear to go back to the house where my precious baby was born; and then Johnny is not strong enough to farm – the work is too heavy.

 

[Page 172]

 

August 1892

 

Sun. 28  We and Pa’s folks went up to Lyman Gilbert’s, to spend the day, it being little Jimmie’s, second Birthday.  We drove by old Mr. Wilson’s and got his Organ, Lyman had bought of him and took it, up with us.

 

Mon. 29  We are still at Belle View Ranch, with my father.  It seems to me, Johnny tries to see, at times, how unkind and brutal he can be to me, but he never has the satisfaction of getting me to “talk back” so he can quarrel with me.

 

Tues. 30  Are getting ready to move.  What comfort I get from Bible.  I just read it and pray and pray, tho’ I can’t read, even my Bible when Johnny is around, because it makes him more ugly, and to say such dreadful things.

 

Wed. 31  We moved today, into Springfield, a mile and a half from Pa’s, and I was compelled to go to the Wilson farm, to pack our things.

 

The house seemed haunted with Baby’s prescence.  I am very tired tonight and heart sick.  Oh! its very hard to live without my Baby and yet I cannot die.  How can one live when the heart almost bursts with pain.

 

[Page 173]

 

September 1892 Springfield Colo.

 

Thurs. 1st  Finished moving today – We ate dinner at Pa’s/

 

Fri. 2  In our new home, getting straightened around, but Oh! so tired and so lonely, so weary, unto death, with heart ache.

 

Sat. 3  Sister May and children, here to see me in my new home, awhile this evening.

 

Sun. 4  We spent today at sister May’s.  The 3rd Wedding Anniversary of Johnny and I and life is miserable – Oh! if Johnny would only be a little kind, but I never know when to expect a kind word.

 

Mon. 5  Busy in my hew home, but with my heart aching for my “wee girlie.”  And Johnny so ill-natured I feel there is nothing in life to live for.

 

Tues. 6  So little to do in a small home, and the hours drag, heavy with sorrow; if I only had a kind husband, to whom I could go and cry out, my hearts grief, I think my heart would not get so weary, but on these pages, is the only place, I dare let go of myself.  To every one, and in every place, my grief must be concealed, and I must be all smiles, as if there was no such thing as sorrow.

 

[Page 174]

 

September 1892

 

Wed. 7  Weary days and how slowly they drag.  I have so little to do and put in most of my time crocheting Bed-spread; its very pretty but I have little heart to put into anything.

 

Thurs. 8  So few realize, how many a smiling face covers a broken heart.  God help me to bear the pain of a childless home, and empty arms, that were once so lovingly filled.

 

Fri. 9  This afternoon, Johnny and I drove down to the Old Soldiers Reunion, held at the Belle View crossing, of Cat Creek.  We took 16 school children down with us.  Staid for the Picnic supper, and came home after the “Speeches” at 8:30, My father made the best talk of all, but he is an eloquent speaker any way.

 

Sat. 10  We spent the day at the Old Soldiers Reunion, which closed this evening.  A big crowd and fine Picnic dinner.  In a new country, where “settlers” are miles apart, everyone “turns-out” for everything.

 

Sun. 11  We drove up to May & Lyman’s awhile, late this afternoon.

 

[Page 175]

 

September 1892

 

Mon. 12  Johnny and I, started for the “Cedars” this morning, on a hunting trip and to get a load of wood, and tonight at sun-down, are camped at the old Stone Ranch, beyond Atlanta, about 50 miles from home, or any other habitude, and how terribly the wolves are howling, as we eat our Supper, by the camp-fire – it seems as if there were hundreds of them, in the Canons about us.  There is only the ruins of a stone house, or sort of a Fort, here, it having been destroyed many years ago in a battle between Indians and Soldiers and there are several graves of Indians and whites who were killed at that time, and the howl of the wolves, make it seem mighty “spooky,” to we two, away off here alone.

 

Tues. 13  Left Camp about 9 o’clock this morning and drove to “20 Mile Spring,” by middle of afternoon, and camped on a beautiful spot about half-way between top of the Mesa and bottom of Canon; just wild nature and the Granduer of this great Cedar and Pine Forest, with its beautiful Canons almost awe one.  We are about 85 miles from home or civilization.  Oh! its beautiful.  We killed some Mountain Quail, this morning.

 

[Page 176]

 

September 1892

 

Wed. 14  We started out early this morning to hunt Deer, and their tracks were thick and fresh but the Canons were so hard to climb and it was so warm – in fact hot – I persuaded Johnny to give up the “chase” and return to camp; he made no answer, when I suggested camp, and is so irritable I dared not ask again, so after walking an hour in an opposite direction to camp, he became so tired he sat down to rest.  I was so tired and my gun so heavy, I risked a “cursing,” to ask, when he would go to camp and he replied “aren’t we going to camp” and then I found he was lost, which I had begun to surmise, so I led the way back to camp, where at the Spring we found a big flock of Wild Turkeys and killed one fine one.  They were beauties.

 

Thurs. 14  Spent the day in Camp and cutting a load of wood.  Cooked our Turkey over the Camp fire and it was fine.  It was such a pretty flock of wild Turkeys, it seemed a shame to kill any, but Johnny killed one, and let two badly crippled get away.  A Bear came into our camp, and bothered around all the early part of last night, trying 

 

[Page 177]

 

September 1892

 

to get our horses or colt; his growls, made ones hair stand straight up.  I was so frightened I could hardly sleep all night, and Johnny was so angry, because I would not get out of the wagon, and carry the lantern for him to shoot it, but a bear is too dangerous to fool with at any time and I’m sure I don’t want any fight with a bear in the dark.

 

Fri. 16  Loaded our wagon with wood this morning and started for home.  Met a “Round-up” gang of Cow-Boys and got some fine beef of Joe Seers the Foreman, near the Stone Ranch, then drove to the top of the hill and camped for the night.  The “Cedars” are wonderful.

 

Sat. 17  We arrived home this evening, very tired, for it was very hot and very dusty.

Sun. 18  We went over to sister Mays after dinner and staid all night.  I am so tired today.

 

Mon. 19  Came home about 11 o’clock.  Mrs. Ward, - the Sheriff’s wife – and Mrs. Dr. [Howsher] called this afternoon.

 

Tues. 20  Washed this morning.  I don’t feel we are keeping house – we are just camping, for Johnny is not strong and so unsettled.

 

[Page 178]

 

September 1892

 

Wed. 21  O, what a weary World.  I wonder where we will go next.  Johnny says he is going to leave this country.

 

Thurs. 22  I wonder how it would seem, to be happy once more.  Working on my crochet for Bed-spread.

 

Fri. 23  Busy with my bed-spread.  Oh! my baby love, how I yearn for you thro’ all the days and many a night I dream of holding you in my arms.

 

Sat. 24  God alone, knows of my unhappy life.  He knows the abuse of one, whom I expected would make me happy.  He knows the tears in the silent night, and the heart ache by day.  The World knows me, a smiling happy, girl-wife – at least it thinks it does.

 

Sun. 25  We spent the day at my father’s.

 

Mon. 26  Pa went to the Cedars today and we are getting things sort of packed up, to go back and stay with him.

 

Tues. 27  We came to Pa’s this evening to stay all night.  Ma and Vella are going to Kansas on a visit.  I wish I could go back too, to my good friends there and to visit a precious little grave.

 

[Page 179]

 

September 1892

 

Wed. 28  We are at Belle View Ranch to keep house for Pa, while Ma and Vella are away.  They left at 8:30 this morning, with old Mr. Gordon and family, for an “Overland” trip to Winfield, Ks. for a visit; will take about two weeks.  Pa got home from the “Cedars” this evening.

 

Thurs. 29  Pa started back to the “Cedars” again this morning for another load of wood and Johnny and I are alone on Belle View Ranch.

 

Fri. 30  Johnny says now, that we will go to Calif. soon.  He is so restless and not well.

 

October

 

Sat. 1  Pa got home this evening with a very large load of wood.  All the days are lonely.

 

Sun. 2  May & Lyman and children here at Pa’s all afternoon – making plans to Thrash.

 

Mon. 3  Pa left for the “Cedars” again this morning.  I am always glad to be alone that I may not have to make such an effort to conceal my heart-ache.

 

Tues. 4  Oh! that I might hold to my heart again my dear, sweet girlie”.  Crocheting on my Bed spread and its pretty.

 

[Page 180]

 

October 1892

 

Wed. 5  Pa got home from Cedars about 1 o’clock.  Johnny still talks, “California.”

 

Thurs. 6  May and children here helping cook for “Thrashers” part of day.  I went to help Mrs. Milt Gordon cook dinner for 17 Thrashing hands.  The “Thrashers” came to Pa’s at 4 o’clock and thrashed his little “jag” of 105 Bushels in time for Supper and I had 16 men to get supper for, all alone.

 

Fri. 7  The Thrashers, thrashed our grain for us today, over on the Wilson farm, but came here to Pa’s for dinner.  I had seven men for Breakfast, 15 for Dinner and 9 for Supper.  We had 350 Bu. of Wheat.  Sister May and children here all day and will stay all night with us.

 

Sat. 8  I came home with May this morning to help her get ready for Thrashers.  Johnny came up this evening and we will stay all night here.

 

Sun. 9  All day, today at Sister’s it being her 24 Birthday; and we will stay all night.  The 3 Thrashers came with their machine this forenoon.

 

[Page 181]

 

October 1912

 

Mon. 10  Helping May cook for their Thrashers.  They were through with thrashing, Lyman’s little “jag” of 101 Bu’s, so that we gave them their dinner at 11:30, having ten men for dinner.  After work was all done Johnny and I, went over home awhile, then came to Pa’s for the night.

 

Tues. 11  At Belle View Ranch, today resting.  Cooking for hungry thrashers is hard work, but I love to watch them eat.

 

Wed. 12  Johnny says we are to go to Calif. to live and it breaks my heart, but anything for his health.

 

Thurs. 13  Sometimes it seems as if I could not live another day with Johnny, yet I know he needs me and as one who tries to live a christian, I must stay with him.

 

Fri. 14  I pray God to make my husband a better man and a kinder one.  I have no heart to do anything, for its abuse, all the time.

 

Sat. 15  We are still keeping house for Pa, and I do considerable crocheting.  I get so hungry for my little joy girl.

 

[Page 182]

 

October 1892

 

Sun. 16  We spent the day at May & Lyman’s; his brother, Sam Gilbert and family of Arkansas City, Kansas, are visiting them.

 

Mon. 17  Pa and Johnny, started at noon today with 70 Bu. of wheat, to deliver at Mr. Wright’s Ranch, up “Freeze Out,” above Atlanta, some 35 miles from here and will come home, by way of the “Cedars” and bring wood, so tonight, I am alone, on the Ranch.

 

Tues. 18  All alone on the Ranch, today and tonight, with the dog and an old Army gun for protection.

 

Wed. 19  Went up to Mrs. Milt Gordon’s, a little while this morning, but alone at home rest of time.  But I am not cursed and abused when alone, and it means peace.

 

Thurs. 20  Lyman and Sam Gilbert called a few minutes this afternoon.  I’ve been sick all day, hardly out of bed.

 

Fri. 21  All day alone, but Pa and Johnny got home this evening.

 

Sat. 22  Awfully busy day and not well either, but company tomorrow.

 

[Page 183]

 

October 1892

 

Sun. 23  May & Lyman and children, and Sam Gilbert and family, spent the day, with us, here at Pa’s.  Sam’s go back to Kansas tomorrow’ wish I was going, too.

 

Mon. 24  Still with Pa at Belle View Ranch.  Don’t have much to do, so crochet on my “bed-spread.”

 

Tues. 25  Busy working on my Bed-spread, for the Chicago World’s Fair, next year, and working helps me forget.

 

Wed. 26  Crocheting very busily, yet it is mockery; would that I were sleeping beside my sweet Babe.

 

Thurs. 27  We plan to go to Calif. some time soon, yet I am sure it will not benefit Johnny.

 

Fri. 28  Ma & Vella still in Kansas.  And Johnny & I still at Pa’s.

 

Sat. 29  How I long to look upon a dear little Grave back in Topeka, even tho’ I know my “wee one” is not there.

 

Sun. 30  Busy with Bed-spread.  Everyone thinks I am such a happy, hearted girl, and I do, thank God for power, to give out sunshine and keep the clouds all hid away in my own heart.

 

Mon. 31  We are still at Pa’s at Belle View Ranch.

 

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November 1892

 

Tues. 1st  Johnny is determined to go to Calif. and I hate to go so far away from friends especially, with one who is so unkind.

 

Wed. 2  A busy day of crocheting on my Bed-spread.

 

Thurs. 3  Another busy day of crocheting; hope I get a prize.

 

Fri. 4  Johnny is so abusive, he has driven from my heart all love for him, and he does not dream that his cruelty has killed my heart and it cannot love him.  I would be so glad of my freedom.  Oh! this is such a terrible thing, but the human heart is not capable of enduring every abuse and continuing to love.  I stay with him, simply because, I believe as a christian, it is my duty to do so.  I do not believe in divorces.  I do not quarrel with him – always I give him kind words and a smiling face.  I’ve left nothing undone I could do for him.  I pray for him but my love is dead.

 

Sat. 5  Johnny left for Lamar Colo, this morning with a load of Rye to sell; will also sell our Team, as farming is too hard for him.  We will move to a “good sized town, where he can get lighter work.  He left home so ill-natured this morning.

 

[Page 185]

 

November 1892

Springfield Colo.

 

Sun. 6  At home with Pa.  Very cold and Johnny will have to drive in it all day and I am sure it will make him much worse.

Mon. 7  A busy day at Pa’s.  The load on my heart is so heavy, I could willingly die, yet God in His mercy, helps me to bear it, so that I need not let anyone know, and there-by, save from heart-ache those who love me.  I can’t let them suffer by knowing.

 

Tues. 8  Election Day and I hope Harrison and Reid will be elected.  Democrats bring hard times.

 

Wed. 9  At home with my father.  Some advise me not to go away from here with J. but I feel it is my duty to stay with him, as he will never be a well man again, I am sure, and will need me; and I married him “for better or for worse, ‘til death do us part.”

 

Thurs. 10  Johnny has sent me no word, as to how he got along on his trip, and I could almost pray, he would never come back, but would run away and leave me.  Oh! for freedom.

 

Fri. 11  Still at home with my father.  Pa went to town this evening to hear “Election news” and

 

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November 1892

 

find Cleveland (Dem.) is elected President of the United States, owing to a liberal use of the Shot-gun in the South and “Fusion” with “Peoples Party” through-out other States.  What a shame, such a man, should get such a high position.

 

Sat. 12  Home with my father at Belle View Ranch.  Mr. McHendrie came at noon and will stay over night with us.  Johnny got home this evening and is feeling pretty badly from his trip.  Sold the Team for $100.00 and brought the colt back home to Pa.

 

Sun. 13  Johnny and I both home with my father.  Mr. McHendrie has been here all day and will stay over night again.  Sam Squires here to dinner.

 

Mon. 14  J. and I, home with my father.  Johnny says he will divide with me, what little we have and I can go on my way and he will go his, and Oh! I could shout with very joyk,k at the thought of freedom, from such a life, but I feel it is my duty to stay with him, so I turned down his offer; it is the first time, he has ever hinted he was unkind, or talked about our unhappy life, and I told him I would stay with him, because if he was to get

 

[Page 187]

 

Nov. 1892

 

sick, he would need me, and not every one would stand by him.  I know that consumption has fastened upon him, and no change of Climate will ever cure him, because he will drink and takes no care of his health.

 

Tues. 15  At my father’s.  Working every spare moment on my lace Bed-spread, which I’m crocheting.

 

Wed. 16  Busy day at Pa’s.  How I long for another Baby, but I can never hope again for the joy of Mother-hood.  Johnny’s health is gone.

 

Thurs. 17  We are still at Pa’s.  I wonder, sometimes, what is God’s purpose in keeping me here, in such heart-ache, when I would so willingly go to Him.  But I know “All things work together for good, to them that love Him,” and had I not known so much of sorrow, neither would I have known the depth of His great riches of love and mercy so aboundantly given to those who call upon Him in faith.

 

Fri. 18  Johnny and I went with Pa, up to my sister’s today, to spend the day, and Pa helped Lyman butcher a beef.

 

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November 1892

 

Sat. 19  Busy at Pa’s at Belle View Ranch.

 

Sun. 20  Sister May, Lyman and children spent day here at Pa’s – the children are so dear.

 

Mon. 21  Planning every day, our trip to California and my heart aches more and more.

 

Tues. 22  Very busy getting ready to go to California.

 

Wed. 23  The weather is so fine here, I wish Johnny could be content to stay.  Life holds little for me.

 

Thurs. 24  “Thanksgiving Day.”  Pa, Milt Gordon and two or three others started to Lamar with wheat this morning.  May and children walked down, to spend the day with us and we killed a nice young turkey.

 

Fri. 25  Johnny and I alone, at Belle View, today.

 

Sat. 26  We are still alone at Belle View.  Mrs. Milt Gordon and baby Elmore and Eva Bray called this afternoon.

 

Sun. 27  Lyman’s all came down this afternoon.  Pa got home from Lamar, at 7 o’clock this evening.

 

[Page 189]

 

November 1892.

Springfield Colo.

 

Mon. 28  Went up town with Pa and Johnny this afternoon to pack our household things.  This settleing in a new home, and so soon “tearing up” and going again, takes the heart out of one; it is so hard, for me to give up my friends.  We could have the Post Office here, and there is at least, a good living in it, and an easy one, and Johnny’s health will be as good here as anywhere.  No one wants me to go away with him, but if he insists on going, I feel it my duty to go with him; no one else would look after his welfare as I would.

 

Tues. 29  Went up to sister’s on horseback, this morning to get Lyman to come help Pa, butcher and while they were getting ready to come, I came on home, stopping at Mr. Wilson’s for Zaidee who had run away and went there early this morning and they had not missed her until I came.  Milt Gordon also came to help Pa and they killed a two year old beef and two hogs.

 

Wed. 30  A mighty busy day at Pa’s; rendering lard and tallow, and taking care of meat.  I’m glad to be busy for I don’t have time to think.

 

[Page 190]

 

December 1892

Springfield, Colo.

 

Thurs. 1  Home with my father and another very busy day – making sausage.

 

Fri. 2  Have been busy today, making “Liver worst” and “Head Cheese” and its mighty good.  Ma and Vella still away.  Pa, Johnny and I went to an old fashioned “Spelling School” this evening, at the School-house and while I was among the last to “go down,” I went down on a very simple word, “Islet,” but because I misunderstood the word.

 

Sat. 3  Made “Mince-meat and “Baked” today; also made me some underclothes.  Sister May and the children, were here this afternoon

 

Sun. 4  May, Lyman and the children, spent the day with Pa and us.  Mrs. Dr. Homsher and three children, called this afternoon.

 

Mon. 5  Baking today, for Pa who is going to the “Cedars” on a hunting trip.

 

Tues. 6  Pa, Judge Nowels, I. N. Nowels and some others left this morning for the Cedars on a 12 day hunting trip for Deer, Bear, and Wolves – Snowed most of day.  Johnny was going but could not get a gun.

 

[Page 191]

 

December 1892

 

Wed. 7  Johnny and I alone on the Ranch today and it’s a pretty cold day; not much work to do.

 

Thurs. 8  A very beautiful day, so I washed up every thing in preparation for California trip.

Fri. 9  Ironing and “busy as a bee” all day.

 

Sat. 10  Baking and awfully busy; expect Ma & Vella home from Kansas tomorrow.

 

Sun. 11  Sister and family all here today.  Lyman went to Lamar for Ma and Vella and got home with them as far as his house last night.  Sam Squires here to dinner, Cold, snowed.

 

Mon. 12  Snowed all day.  Ma and I busy with our “tongues,” talking of old friends at the old home in Kansas, Floral and Winfield.

 

Tues. 13  A stormy day and Lyman came down to help about the Stock, so Johnny would not have to be out to help me.

 

Wed. 14  Another stormy day.  Seems like Johnny, never has a pleasant word any more – O so cross.

 

[Page 192]

 

December 1892

Springfield, Colo.

 

Thurs. 15  Still it storms and Lyman came down again today to help about the Stock.

 

Fri. 16  Snowed hard all afternoon.  Pa and his hunting Party, got home from the Cedars at noon, with seven fine Deer.  Another, Hunting Party in which were Marian and Willie Christ, Frank Graham and several others, all young men, had been out and were returning home, when yesterday evening, Willie Christ, accidentally shot and killed himself, with a revolver while preparing to shoot a rabbit; only lived about five minutes – his mother is a widow and it was such a very sad affair.

 

Sat. 17  Lyman, sister and children, all came down to Pa’s today and this afternoon, Johnny & I went home with them to stay all night this being our start to Calif. and my heart is breaking

 

Sun. 18  Good-bye to everybody.  Very early this morning, Lyman started with us on the fifty mile trip to Lamar, and dear little Jimmie, crushed my heart right in the beginning.  He is a baby of few words and seeing his papa hitching up the team  

 

[Page 193]

 

supposed he was going to take us back to my fathers and turning to me said “home Shaw?”  Dear baby heart, he could not realize, how very far from home, his aunty was going.  Ground is white with snow.  We reached Jack Ford’s on Clay Creek at 6:30 this evening and stay here over night – too cold to camp.

 

Mon. 19  We arrived in Lamar about noon, ate dinner with Lyman and took train at 2 O’clock P. M. for Los Angeles, Calif.  I wonder when I will ever see my loved ones again.  We do not know anyone in Calif. and Johnny may not even live to cross the mountains.  I wonder if ever another girl of my age, has had so much sorrow and trouble, but God is good and has been most merciful to me and I am sure He will take care of me.

 

Our first stop this afternoon was at Caddoa, the land here all irrigated; next was Las Animas, where we saw the Bent Co, Hospital a fine, large, brick building and along the Arkansas Valley here, we saw thousands of cattle, grazing and tons upon tons of Alfalfa Hay; next stop La Junta a wait of 20 min. to make up train – changed cars.  Quite a good sized town; here we saw a black wolf with chain about his neck, running with 3 dogs

 

[Page 194]

 

December 1892

Enroute to Calif.

 

Just out from Los Animas and three Coyotes just out from La Junta – just halted at Timpas; at Trinidad put on two Engines to pull us up the mountain to Ratown.  Trinidad is a coal-city; has Electric lights.  Then came Sparksville where we saw the Coke-ovens all aglow, a very pretty sight; and just outside the little town we went thro’ a tunnel and then we came to Ratown about mid-night, 1200 ft. high and here I went out on the car-steps – cold and snowing  All I could see was, the place has Electric lights.

 

It was a “pull and tug” for two Engines to get us up the Mountain and once there, took off one Engine, shut off brakes and “hold back” going down the other side.  I “dozed and slept” and awakened next at Springer, New Mexico, another doze and I look out the car window, into the night and we are at Wagon Mound; again I sleep and am awakened by train coming to a stand still at Las Vegas, New Mexico and here I see Electric Lights again ; another “cat nap” and we have halted at Bernaililla, then I sleep until morning and awaken to see my first mountains near by and we are just nearing Albuquerque New Mex.  How slowly we seem to travel, yet how far away seem my loved ones.

 

[Page 195]

 

December 1892

Aboard Santa Fe R. R. Enroute to Calif.

 

Tues. 20  On our journey to California.  Changed cars this morning at Albuquerque – had a wait of 30 min.  Ate our Breakfast here and Johnny went to a Saloon and bought a bottle of whiskey, and it breaks my heart to have him drink.  Lots of Indians here and at the A. & P. Junction.  We came to Isleta, next, the most romantic looking Indian Village, and many Indians came into the train to sell fruit.  Mountains everywhere – the Sandea Range, meaning Melon, and Mesina, meaning Apple mountains; we next came to San Jose, just west of which crossed San Jose river, and could see in the distance, three extinct Volcanos; passed some Mexican and Indian Villages and train stopped at Laguna, a quaint Indian town, built of one story, adobe houses with tiny windows about 1 x ½ ft.  A barren country but plenty of Pappooses; next stop was at Grants in a Lava-bed, country, then came Bluewater, and Mitchell in a most desolate country of sand, Lava-beds and red rock then Coolidge where we had 20 min. for dinner, then came Wingate near Ft. Wingate and here we saw Soldiers.  Walls of red rock everywhere until the eye is weary.  Then came Gallup, quite a village, full of Saloons and coal-cars, as if this might be a coal country;  Manulieto was next, where many Indians were waiting for supplies, then came Navajo, with a few small

 

[Page 196]

 

December 1892

 

houses, in a very desolate sandy country; just west of here was a “wreck” which we passed around and came to Holbrook and then Winslow, Arizona with 20 min. for supper, at 7:50 P. M., very soon after which, I lay me down to sleep, with a prayer, for the loved ones at home, and our own safe keeping, on our journey.  I am so weary tonight, of mountains and red rock, Sandy Desert and Lava-beds; “yet shall these places blossom as the rose” and man cannot conceive of its possibilities.

 

Wed. 21  I awakened this morning, at 6:40 A. M. just before the train halted at Kingman in the mountains and soon crossed the Colorado River and came into the “Great Mojave Desert” and are in California; just as the sun came peeping over the Needle mountains, we came into the pretty little town of “The Needles and stopped 20 min. for Breakfast.  Many Indians here, dirty, naked, things mud in their hair and little more than a red bandana handkerchief, for clothing – some back from train had nothing on; many, came into the train selling Pottery and I bought a little pitcher; some brought Pappooses and charged five cents to look at them.  Next was Goff, Femer, then Bagdad for Lunch.  We

 

[Page 197]

 

are climbing the mountains here, 7 feet to the mile and the road winds like this; S One moment sun shines in one side of train and next moment it shines in at opposite window – has been a grand day.  Just a halt at Ludlow, then come to Newberry where is an Artesian well, and we passengers almost fall over one another, to get off the train and dip our cups in the beautiful, bubbling water, only to find it so warm, we can hardly drink it.  All day traveling across the Desert and the awful barreness of it all, is terrible.  I feel utterly depressed.  Alkali, sand and lava, but not a living think in either vegatation or animal life.  We reached Barstow at 4 o’clock, 20 min. for dinner and change cars.  Conductor tells me, Johnny can never live to reach highest mountain point and better go back while we can.  We halt at Ors Grande and Victor and night is upon us; there is more timber and water and we are getting out of the Desert.  We reach Summit, the highest point and now “will drop down to the Sea.”  At San Barnardino, Johnny bought our first Oranges; the town has Electric-lights.  Just a halt at Pomona and Pasedena and then reach our journey’s end in Los Angeles, damp, cold, foggy – we take Bus to New United States Hotel, engage a room and go to J. Illich’s and get a good hot supper, then

 

[Page 198]

 

December 1892

Enroute to California.

 

back to our Hotel, where we go to bed, half frozen crawling in between, cold clammy sheets.  Oh! “sunny (cold) California; I’m tired enough to sleep on an Iceburg, tonight, so I’ll sleep even if I awaken in the morning, to find myself an Icicle.

 

Thurs. 22  We awakened this morning to look out upon, green lawns, bright flowers trees in fruit and bloom; the fragrance of Orange blossoms, and the songs of birds, in the air; a blue, sky and bright sunshine over all.  Great dark mountains, snow-capped, loom in the near distance, and it’s a beautiful sight; a grandly, beautiful one, but a weary, home-sick, heart, cannot enjoy these things.  I would give it all to be back where a little grave is covered with snow, in the home-land.  Johnny is delighted with all this Tropical beauty, but to me, Oh! my heart is too weary, but God will help me to do my duty.  The air was chill and cold this morning and while Johnny started out to look for rooms, I went to a near-bye, fruit store, where fruit of every description was to be had; many kinds I had never seen before but I was not slow to ask the name.  I finally bought some, large, fine looking Pears, only to

 

[Page 199]

 

December 1892

Los Angeles, Calif.  Our journey ended.

 

find on reaching Hotel, they were hard, woody, things that I could hardly get my teeth into and utterly impossible to eat.  Johnny returned and took me to see a number of rooms and we finally decided on a nice large room in the Penny Block, corner of Temple & Metcalf; has every convenience and we only pay $2.00 per month; we then bought some “house-keeping” things and after a hard day, tonight are in our new home, 1252 1/2 Temple St. Room 9.  Today is Johnnie’s 33rd Birthday.

 

Fri. 23  1252 ½ Temple St.  Los Angeles, California.  We took dinner, down town today, at 11 oclock, made some more purchases of groceries and other needed things to do “light-house-keeping: and had finished moving, by middle of afternoon, when it commenced to rain and is still at it at bed-time, but we feel very cozy and like our location.  We are the first to move into this side of the Flat, so have no neighbors; and no acquaintances in the City.

 

Sat. 24  Has rained hard all day and my heart feels like a “chunk of lead” tonight.  But to Johnny I am all sunshine.  I thank God for the strength of will, that helps me to keep all my heart ache to myself.  My closest friends would never guess my unhappiness.

 

[Page 200]

 

December 1892

Los Angeles, Calif.

 

Sun. 25  “Christmas Day” and what a mockery it seems to me.  Strangers, in a strange land, among strangers, more than a thousand miles from home, is not conducive to a very happy, Christmas, and today I am very lonely and heavy hearted; has been raining all day, which makes it seem more gloomy.  I have spent the day, writing to relatives and friends away over the mountains, in the dear, Home land, but none of my heart-ache, goes back in my letters I only send them my smiles and a cheery good word.

 

Mon. 26  We went down town this afternoon, to the Post Office, with our letters and to walk about the streets awhile.  It is all so strange, to come from the snow, into the sunny, summer time.  The flowers are pretty, but like our own at home.  The Pepper-trees along the street are the most beautiful of all; the Palms too are pretty and the Hedges of Calla-lily.  The Orange and Lemon trees, look much like our cherry trees at home.  It is all beautiful, but no more so, than  our own, dear, old sunny Kansas with her prairies and her sunflowers.  The glory of the sunflower is more brilliant than any thing I see here and there is never a familiar face.  It is like we had gone to another world.

 

[Page 201]

 

December 1892

Los Angeles

 

Tues. 27  We went to see a Dr. this morning about Johnny’s lungs; he told us, one lung was entirely gone and the other badly affected, but could cure him.  Johnny believes what he said about cure, but I know its only a question of time, until consumption, will end it all.  How strange this place seems.  Cable cars, instead of Topeka’s Electric-cars – The Chinaman instead of the Negro and everywhere a strange babel of tongues – so many foreigners here.

 

Wed. 28  I have not been out of the house today; but where would one go, when one is unacquainted And Johnny can make life as miserable here for me as any where else.

 

Thurs. 29  Another day spent quietly at home.  Fruit is high but one can get some very nice vegetables, cheap from Chinamen, who bring them to your door.

 

Fri. 30  We went to town, both this morning and afternoon – had our pictures taken together, (cabinet tin-type) at the Plaza Gallery.  Johnny grumbled dreadfully about it.

 

Sat. 31  Just a quiet day at home.  Today is the last day of the most miserable and unhappy year of my life, and I’m not sorry to see it go.

 

[Page 202]

 

January 1893

Los Angeles Calif.

 

Sun. 1st.  “New Years Day” and a bright, sunny day, warm and beautiful – would that it might be an “omen” of my life for the coming year, but I know whatever comes, God will give me grace to bear.  Johnny and I went for a walk after dinner, but how could it be pleasant, when you know not a soul to say “Howdy-do,” to.  A population of about 65000.  I don’t like the place too many hills – seem like mountains to us.

 

Mon. 2  The city is celebrating “New Years” and making about such a “fuss” as we make over the “Fourth of July” at home.  We went to town after dinner to see the “Firemens Parade,” which was very nice.  Johnny seems to improve

 

Tues. 3  Working hard all day on my crochet Bed-spread.

 

Wed. 4  Finished my lace Bed-spread today – crocheted it and pillow-shams of “Glasgo twilled lace thread and its very pretty; going to send it to the “World’s Fair” in Chicago.

 

Thurs. 5  Walked to town this afternoon on an errand.  Almost two miles to Spring St. which is the main street, here.

 

[Page 203]

 

January 1893

 

Fri. 6  Busy crocheting for a lady, who wanted some “Tidies.”  Johnny sold her one this morning for $1.25.

 

Sat. 7  We went to town this afternoon and parading the streets were some ten or twelve “Boomerang Throwers” from Australia, who will perform in Athletic Park this afternoon; they look just like common negroes to me.

 

Sun. 8  This has been such a beautiful day and the morning a perfect dream, so we went for a walk up to the Water-works Resoirvoir on the high hills North of us; from here, looking to the Southwest, some dozen miles, we could see the Ocean, my first glimpse of the old Pacific.  All about and up the hillsides, the ground is covered with a green vegatation, similar to clover or Alfalfa, which seems like walking over a great soft carpet.  There was much wild mustard growing on lower ground, which I am sure would make fine “greens,” but I must ask some one, before cooking any.  And half way up the hills we came onto a great colony of squirrels which look like the “Prairie-dogs” of Kansas, except they had long, bushy tails’ their habitation looked like the Prairie dog towns of Kansas and Colo. and but for their tails, I would have felt, I had met some old friends.

 

[Page 204]

 

January 1893

 

Mon. 9  Such a grand day but I have not been out of the house today.  Johnny is so ill-natured it is not pleasant to go out with him, so he generally goes out alone, which he prefers doing and I stay home alone.

 

Tues. 10  Another grand day, at home.  Johnny is is improving in health and gains about a pound a week in weight – but it can’t last.

Wed. 11  Still another fine day.  I must begin to look about me for “work” for Johnny is not strong enough to do anything and I will have to support us both – money is running short.

 

Thurs. 12  For a walk and to get out of the house I went down to a store on Blandry Ave this evening to get some butter.

 

Fri. 13  The sun did not shine much to do.  The mornings and evenings are very cold and we have to have a fire – we heat our room as every one does here, with a couple of small “drums” on the gasoline stove, but it is not a very satisfactory way of warming.  I prefer the snow of Kansas to this kind of cold weather.

 

[Page 205]

 

January 1893

Los Angeles Calif.

 

Sat. 14  The morning was nice, but was little sunshine this afternoon and its cold and chill when the sun does not shine.  The fog usually comes on from the Ocean about 3 o’clock, and then its damp too.

 

Sun. 15  We went for a walk this afternoon out Temple to Belmont Ave and down Belmont to 7th and return – too cold.  My heart is with the home folks today; here every face is a strange one – never any one to speak to, but Johnny grows stronger and if he can get well, I shall not regret the separation from loved ones.  The love has all died in my heart, but I am just as much bound to him as if I loved him and shall ever do all in my power for him and pray every day, God will restore his health.

 

Mon. 16  Johnny gets out and is getting some acquainted but I stay at home alone and am lonely.

 

Tues. 17  Johnny continues to improve in health but consumption cannot be cured in last stages.

 

Wed. 18  We have given up trying to keep warm by gasoline stove and have bought a small heating-stove and not keep warm beside a good hot fire, but it seems funny to buy wood and coal, by the sack.

 

[Page 206]

 

January 1893

Los Angeles Calif

1252 ½ Temple St.

 

Thurs. 19  A Mrs. Marsh called on me today and now I shall begin to get acquainted, and not be so lonely

 

Fri. 20  I went down town alone this morning.  Johnny is feeling so well and has a fine appetite; one can hardly help being “hopeful.”

 

Sat. 21  I went to town this afternoon, and then to see a Mr. Busath – whom Johnny met recently – about work, for I have got to go to work.

 

Sun. 22  Such a lovely morning, that Johnny and I went for a walk.  At noon while getting our dinner, little Mrs. Busath came for me to come down to the St. Angels and help wait on their Boarders at meal time and I went down at 4 o’clock.  Was a big crowd for Supper and while I am so thankful for the work, pride made it embarassing for me.

 

Mon. 23  I went down to the St. Angels this morning at 6 o’clock to help Mr. Busath, wait on his Boarders for Breakfast, stayed to help with Lunch at noon.  Came home at 2 o’clock, went back at 4 o’clock and got home again at 7 o’clock after helping with Supper, or Dinner here.  I am to do this each

 

[Page 207]

 

day and receive $20.00 per month and my three meals a day, which will be a big help.  Our money is running short and Johnny is unable to work.  Mr. Busath has so many Boarders, he has three others beside me to help wait on them at meal-time.  I could get a place, to Clerk in a Store, but could have no time at home; and this way, I can get Johnny’s meals for him and be home afternoons so it is much better, every way.

 

Tues. 24  I walked down to work this morning at the St. Angels – came home this afternoon, back for dinner and home again at 7 o’clock.  I find it very embarrassing to meet so many strangers but they are all so lovely and Mr. & Mrs. Busath so kind.  Mrs. Busath will be a mother soon and how I wish I could know this great joy again.  My “wee girlie” would be one year old today, if living.  O little “joy girl” how mother’s heart aches for you.

 

Wed. 25  Went to the St. Angels as usual today; it is 17 blocks and I walk it four times a day, so night usually finds me tired.  I get home in time to get Johnny’s Lunch at noon.  Leave things so he can get his own Breakfast, when he doesn’t want to go to town and get it and I get his Dinner when I get home in evening.

 

[Page 208]

 

January 1893

 

Thurs. 26  Went to work as usual this morning, but did not come home this afternoon as it rained hard all day.  Like my work.

 

Fri. 27  Went to St. Angels at 6 o’clock as usual but rained so hard, I did not go out home during afternoon.  I begin to feel like I knew some one.

 

Sat. 28   Went to work at usual time this morning and tho’ it rained it is “clearing” today.

 

Sun. 29  I went to the St. Angels at 7 o’clock this morning, for I have to work on Sunday too.  Came out home this afternoon to be with Johnny.  Got home this evening at 7 o’clock.

 

Mon. 30  Went to St. Angels at usual time this morning but rained so dreadfully hard, could not come home during afternoon and came home tonight “drenched.”  Never saw it rain so hard, in my life.  Two Blocks under water, on Temple St. and I had to take a car to get thro’ it.

 

Tues. 31  Another hard days rain’ I went to work as usual.  Of all the hard rains I ever saw I really never saw a rain, until I came to California.  It “ties up” street cars for hours.

 

[Page 209]

 

February 1893

Los Angeles, Calif.

 

Wed. 1st  Went to St. Angels as usual – home in afternoon.  I have met some very pleasant people at the St. Angels.  (Tourists) Sun shone most all day, so pleasanter.

 

Thurs. 2  Went to work at 6 o’clock as usual, and home in afternoon.  A sunny day, but the mornings are foggy, or what we would call at home a “drizzle” and one must carry an umbrella or get wet.

 

Fri. 3  To work and home at the usual hours today.  Maude Sanders, Helen Glenen and Anna are the other girls who help at the St. Angels.  No one knows Anna’s last name – she wont tell.

 

Sat. 4  To work and home after Lunch.  After dinner this evening, Johnny met me at the Pleasanton and we went down town.  Rained a little today.

 

Sun. 5  Went as usual to St. Angels today and Oh! how it did rain, so did not come home after Lunch, but home soon after 7 o’clock this evening.

 

Mon. 6  To work and home at usual hours today, tho’ it rained very hard part of day.  I prefer our “Seasons” to the California climate.

 

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February 1893

Los Angeles Calif.

 

Tues. 7  Went to work at 6 o’clock this morning, leaving Johnny in bed, fast asleep.  After Lunch he came for me and we went to town, then took a car to North Los Angeles and out to the Foot-hills; it was so lovely and grand out there; rained a little and we came back to town, Johnny going home and I to the St. Angels to help with Dinner – home at 7 o’clock.

 

Wed. 8  To my usual work, but rained so hard, did not go home after Lunch.  So much rainy weather is very hard on Johnny.

Thurs. 9  To my work at St. Angels as usual.  After Lunch, went on car, with Maud Sanders down town to Main Post Office.  Some quaint old buildings and old church down that way.  And trees and shrubs too.

 

Fri. 10  To work and home at usual hours today.  Johnny likes to go to the different – Lunch-rooms and buy his meals and does so, many times and seems to enjoy it very much.  Almost every block has a Hotel, Boarding House – Lunch room or pretty, little Delicacy Store, where one can get dainty, tempting meals as cheaply as to get at home, and save work.

 

[Page 211]

 

Sat. 11  A grand day and I went to my work and home at usual hours, only when I came home after Lunch, Johnny was not home so I came back to St. Angels.

 

Sun. 12  To and from work as usual today and I am kept too busy, to think; too busy to think how lonely, I am, how I long to be back with my loved ones and how I dislike California, with its cold, clammy climate – a place for rich folks, not poor.

 

Mon. 13  To and from work at my usual hours and so very windy, one could hardly stay on their feet.  Very windy and very cold.  Almost impossible to keep gas lighted because of the wind.  They call it here, the “Santa Ana.”  I think we would call it, a young Hurricane, back home.

 

Tues. 14  To and from work as usual and another terrible day of wind and cold

 

Wed. 15  To my usual work; weather not so bad today but unusually cool.  I can’t like California.

 

[Page 212]

 

February 1893

 

Thurs. 16  To and from work at my usual hours.  This evening Johnny and I went down thro’ Chinatown, thro’ their old Joss House and to an entertainment at their Y.M.C.A. Missian at 214 Wilmington St.  It is the Chinese, “New Year” and their narrow streets were filled with, “sight see-ers.”  Plenty of police, everywhere, but I could hardly feel safe among these strange people.

 

Fri. 17  To and from work at my usual hours today.

 

Sat. 18  To and from work as usual, except that Johnny met me after Lunch, and we went down thro’ Chinatown; were very courteously treated, everywhere, to tea, candies fruits and nuts.  Delicious tea was served in the tiniest cups.  Went into their new Joss House, which is a wonderful place, the most striking think being the God with tapers of incense or “punk,” burning about it.   Everything is wonderful strange and weird in Chinatown.  Punk burning everywhere, in the buildings and along the sidewalks, and “fire-crackers” used by tons; the streets were covered like a carpet with those that had been used.  We looked into their Theatre, but was so crowded and choking with cigarette smoke, we did not enter.

[Page 213]

 

February 1893

 

Sun. 19  To and from work as usual today.


It seems hard, to have to be from home all the time, yet I believe it is a blessing, in that I do not have to be so much with Johnny and run the risk of taking consumption, for he coughs dreadfully and the smell from his body is sickening; smells like his body was dead; wish I did not have to sleep in same room with him.

 

Mon. 20  To work at 6 A. M.  Home again at 2 P. M. back to work at 4 P. M. and home at 7 o’clock for the night.  17 blocks to the St. Angels walked four times a day, is 68 blocks, or more than five miles a day, beside my work at home and the St. Angels, all for a man who gives me many curses and very few smiles.  I give him my heart’s sincerest prayers.  In Colorado, I could have the P. O. with salary for a good living and be with my loved ones; instead I am here doing this, not for love, but because I am trying to live aright and believe it my duty as a Christian.  I will not leave a thing undone.

 

Tues. 21  To and from my work at St. Angels as usual.

 

[Page 214]

 

February 1893

Los Angeles, Calif.

 

Wed. 22  To and from my work at usual hours.  Drew my first months wages this evening when Mr. Busath gave me a $20.00 gold coin, which I brought home and gave to Johnny, and was happy to do so.

 

Thurs. 23  To and from work as usual today.

 

Fri. 24  To my work at St. Angels, at usual hours.  Am meeting many pleasant people, tourists who stop at St. Angels, and it helps me to rise above my trouble.

 

Sat. 25  Working on my usual schedule today.

 

Sun. 26  Rained very hard this morning, but I have to go regardless of rain.  I must work.  After Lunch, Johnny and I took a car out to West Lake Park; a very pretty place, but new.  Many people there and the Band, but so cold and windy we did not stay long.

 

Mon. 27  To my usual work, at my usual hours, today.

 

Tues. 28  To St. Angels as usual.  A cold, drizzly, morning.  I almost freeze to death, in this wonderful, sunny California, and am much disappointed in the place.

 

[Page 215]

 

March 1893  Los Angeles Calif.

1252 ½ Temple St.

 

Wed. 1  To and from work as usual – always come home after Lunch to be with Johnny.  Drizzly and cold morning.

 

Thurs. 2  Rained this morning, but to my work at St. Angels as usual.  I suppose I have false pride, but I can’t help feeling a humiliation about my work for I know I am capable of, holding a better position, where people would consider me their equal, instead of a menial, but this gives me the most hours with Johnny and that’s where my duty lies.

 

Fri. 3  To my usual work today.  I have met some very wealthy people here and made some very pleasant friends.  Mrs. Morey, whose hands are covered with diamonds – she wears ten fine diamond rings on one hand – has just about such a husband as I have; he is about same size and looks much like Johnny; he also has consumption and is cross and cranky as can be.  Well, she and I are friends and sympathise fully, with one another.  She is rich – I am poor, but her wealth makes her no happier than I am, and we both are miserable.  Her home is in Philadelphia.

 

Sat. 4  Working as usual, except it rained so hard most of day, I did not go home after Lunch.

 

[Page 216]

 

March 1893 Los Angeles Calif.

 

Sun. 5  To work as usual, and another day of such hard rain, that I did not go home after Lunch.  I hate to stay away too.

 

Mon. 6  Work as usual and rain as usual and so could not go home after Lunch.

 

Tues. 7  To my usual work, only rained a short time but at an hour, to prevent my going home.

 

Wed. 8  Another day of work and another day of hard rain.  These rainy afternoons, Maude Sanders, usually entertains us with music on her Guitar and Harmonica, both of which she plays excellantly and both at same time.

 

Thurs. 9  Working as usual and raining as usual, hard.

 

Fri. 10  Doing my usual work today, but came home after Lunch.  Rained and hailed a little, at the noon hour – quite a thunder shower.

 

Sat. 11  Went to work as usual, but it rained and poured.  I get so tired of these rains.

 

Sun. 12  Work as usual and it rained as usual, Oh! so much, heavy, cold rain.

 

[Page 217]

 

March 1893

 

Mon. 13  To work and home after Lunch at my usual hours.  Rained some today.  I would rather live in a country where it snows, once in awhile, rather than one, where there is so much cold rain.

 

Tues. 14  At work and home at my usual hours today.  Grace Potter, a sweet, little girl of twelve years, died at St. Angels, this afternoon, of Scarlet-fever.  She was a delicate child, whose home was in Detroit, Mich., and was spending Winter here, with an aunt and uncle, who brought her here, against the mother’s wishes, but with consent of the father, and they are prostrated with grief.  Rained little.

 

Wed. 15  Working my usual hours, but did not go home after Lunch.  Little Grace Potter’s death has cast a gloom over every one, and some are leaving the St. Angels.

 

Thurs. 16  To work at my usual hours and home same.  I do most of my house-work, when I come home in afternoons, but some must be left for evening.

 

Fri. 17  To and from my work, at my usual hours.  The people at the St. Angels, are all so kind to me, that it puts some sunshine into my life, even tho’ my home-life is so unhappy.

 

[Page 218]

 

March 1893 Los Angeles, Calif.

 

Sat. 18  To and from work as usual and some days I can hardly walk, because of my feet hurting so badly.  I guess it is Rheumatism because almost everyone has it out here; too much damp weather.  I think California anything but a “health resort.”

 

Sun. 19  To and from work as usual.  Heavy fog and cloudy all day.  I received invitation Cards, saying my cousin Henry Anderson would be married today to Tillie Koerber back in my old home, Floral, Cowley Co., Kansas  I hope they will be very happy, but so far as I am concerned “Marriage is a failure.”

 

Mon. 20  To my work as usual, but rained so awful hard all day, could not go home after Lunch and tonight, when I came home, I waded water to my knees; one of street-car men, let me hang on to his arm, where water was swiftest – saw one man, make a leap, and go completely under.  Street was a torrent for two blocks, and street cars “tied up.”  But I am getting to be a good Californian, they either wade or let a Policeman pick them up in their arms and carry them over.  I prefer to wade.  Johnny’s health is failing again.

 

[Page 219]

 

March 1893

Tues. 21  To work as usual and as it only rained a little, I came home after Lunch, for Johnny is not at all well.

 

Wed. 22  To my usual work; came home after Lunch then went down town.  Johnny hardly able to be up.

 

Thurs. 23  To and from work as usual.  Johnny very sick and no one to stay with him while I am away to work – Life certainly is hard.

 

Fri. 24  To and from my work at usual hours.  Johnny still quite sick and I have a sore-throat and head ache – too much wet weather.

 

Sat. 25  To my usual work at St. Angels.  Johnny a little better and so am I.  I think California is a “sick resort” instead of a “health resort.”

 

Sun. 26  Working as usual.  People live like a “whirlwind” in this country, so “fast and hard” yet everyone is so kind to me.  I have met Mr. & Mrs. John Riley, (brother of James Whitcomb Riley) very plain, unassuming folks, whom every one like, tho’ few here, like the Poet as he proved to be a “snob” on a recent visit here.  I’ve never seen him myself.

 

[Page 220]

 

March 1893

 

Mon. 27  Working at my usual hours.  And my work keeps me from home more than half my time, which is a blessing to me, for health’s sake and Johnny is as well off alone, since he is able to be about and wait on himself.  He goes everyday to the Fire Station, across the street to sit in the sun and visit with the Firemen.

 

Tues. 28  To St. Angels, for my usual work, except after Lunch, Johnny met me and we went down town.  I can’t like Calif.

 

Wed. 29  To work and home at usual time.  Very foggy morning.

 

Thurs. 30  Working as usual, and another very heavy fog all morning.  Johnny not at all well.

 

Fri. 31  Working as usual; another awful fog.  Johnny sick- in bed most of time.  I am so afraid I will come home some evening and find him dead.  He thinks when the rains stop, he will get well again, but I know it is the beginning of the end and there is no hope, but I dare not let him know.  I must keep him in good spirit and cheery, if cranky.

 

[Page 221]

 

April 1893 – Los Angeles Calif.

1252 ½ Temple St.

Penny Block.

Sat. 1st  To and from work as usual – went to town after Breakfast on a little shopping trip.  Got letter today, from Mrs. Guy Herman, of Topeka; how good to hear from friends in the old home.  Maude Sanders walked out home with me this evening, just to tell me her troubles.  She is deeply in love with a young man, who is tired of her and is trying to “jilt” her and she is frantic.  How I pity the poor girl, yet she had better be jilted than live the unhappy life I am living.

 

Sun. 2  Working as usual.  How much of sorrow there is everywhere, yet tis a jolly old World to live in.

 

Mon. 3  At my usual work at St Angels.  Have finished my crocheted Bed-spread and lined it with yellow.  It’s a beauty.

 

Tues. 4  Very foggy.  Working my usual hours, except Johnny and I went to town after Lunch, taking my Crocheted Bed-spread, to Wells-Fargo Express Office, and sent it to Chicago, World’s Fair, via Glasgo, Conn.  Put valuation of $75.00 on it.

 

Wed. 5  To and from work as usual.  A drizzleing fog until noon and cloudy all day.  This is no climate for sick people; but Johnny is failing so rapidly, no climate will benefit him now.

 

[Page 222]

 

Thurs. 6  Working my usual hours at St. Angels.  Foggy until middle of afternoon.

 

Fri. 7  To St. Angels as usual.  Very cold today.  Frosted last night.  Mr. & Mrs. Busath are the kindest people on earth.

 

Sat. 8  Working as usual, except did not go home after Lunch, as Johnny was to be away, so I went to matinee of Little Lord Fauntleroy at Park Theatre, with Mrs. Helen Glennon.

 

Sun. 9  Working my usual hours.  We have neighbors in our Flat – Mr. George Hill and sister and a Mr. William Thayer and young son, Louville.

 

Mon. 10  Working St. Angels, my usual schedule  The nights and mornings are very cold, the middle of day – hot.  We have to have a mighty hot fire in our little “heater.”

 

Tues. 11  Working as usual and if it were not for this work I would be miserable; my work keeps me much from home and a cross husband and I meet so many pleasant people who are kind to me.

 

[Page 223]

 

April 1893 Los Angeles.

 

Wed. 12  To St. Angels as usual.  Worry, an unhappy heart and much walking, is making me thin in flesh.

 

Thurs. 13  To and from St. Angels at my usual hours.  Our neighbor, Mr. Thayer, has put a Telegraph Instrument in our room and strung wires to the Instrument in his rooms and is teaching Johnny, “Telegraphy” just to “pass time” and to occupy him, when too stormy to be out doors.

 

Fri. 14  To my work and home as usual.  I would like so much to go on an Excursion, down to the Coast and see the Pacific, but Johnny wont let me, because he can’t go, fearing it will be too cold for him – He is so selfish.

 

Sat. 15  Busy as usual at St. Angels and home.

 

Sun. 16  To and from St. Angels as usual.  Foggy, O, my!  You could cut it with a knife.

 

Mon. 17  Working my usual hours.  There is a congenial, bunch of “help” here – like one family

 

Tues. 18  Down to the old St. Angels as usual.  Mrs. Frick, brings me some beautiful flowers.

 

[Page 224]

 

April 1893  Los Angeles Calif.

 

Wed. 19  At my usual work.  The Chinese dishwasher “Big Jim” (Lin-Wong-Sell) has become much attached to me because, I help him with his Bible-lessons – there is something very pathetic about the friendship of these people, it seeming almost the friendship of a dumb animal.  “Jim” is deeply religious and working hard to learn his Bible and “English” so as to go back among his own people as a Missionary.  I have seen him take his Bible and go to some one, ask them the pronunciation of a word and its meaning, they deliberately tell him wrong and laugh at him, then in mis-trust he would come to me, so now he always comes, for he has found I am honest with him and sincerely interested in his soul’s welfare and work he is trying to fit himself for.

 

Thurs. 20  Working as usual.  I took an Art lesson in Crayon, today, from “Anna” who knows little more than I do, about it.  “A Dogs Head” was my “study.”

 

Fri. 21  Working my usual hours today.  The flowers and trees are pretty where there is water but elsewhere things are dried up.

 

[Page 225]

 

April 1893

 

Sat. 22  Working as usual only didn’t go home after Lunch.  Finished my “Dog” picture.  After Dinner went to town with Helen Glennon to do little shopping, then came home alone.

 

My experience with “Jim the Chinese dishwasher, has not helped “Foreign Missions” with me.  If the Heathen at our door, were properly taught the Foreign Heathen would be well cared for.  Thousands of Chinamen and other Foreigners here in California, untaught, and many making every sacrifice, to learn of God, and become workers for their own race, yet not getting help they should, and the “cry” is ever, for money to preach the Gospel in “Foreign Lands.”  I say preach the Gospel to the neglected Heathen in our own land and send them out among their own Race

 

Sun. 23  Working as usual, except did not go home after Lunch, as was not feeling well.  I overheard “Jim” the Chinaman at prayer the other day; he had gone off into a little room alone, here in the St. Angels, and thought no one heard him, as he put all his heart into prayer but I caught these few words, “Oh! Lord make-ee me, sabe-ee you, make-ee me ‘bey-ee you” and I wondered, how many of us prayed the Lord to make us obey Him – we like so well to have our own way.

 

[Page 226]

 

April 1893 Los Angeles.

 

Mon. 24  Working and home after Lunch – usual hours.  Johnny grows worse in health every day, and there is no chance of recovery – the only question is “how long can he last.”  I would gladly give my health, take his dreadful disease and die, if God would let me.  Took another Art-lesson today “Stork among Cat-tails”

 

Tues. 25  Working my usual hours – not home after Lunch.

 

Wed. 26  St. Angels as usual – home after Lunch, but Johnny had gone out, so came back to St. Angels and commenced a new picture – Sheep.  I am 26 years old today and doubt if many my age, have seen so much sorrow and misery.

 

Thurs. 27  St. Angels, usual hours – not home after Lunch.

 

Fri. 28  St. Angels as usual – home after Lunch.  Rain and hail at noon – something unusual.

 

Sat. 29  St. Angels as usual – not home after Lunch.

 

Sun. 30  St. Angels as usual – not home after Lunch, as some days I’m almost worn out with so much walking and my sleep and rest broken at night, by Johnnys continual coughing; its terrible.

 

[Page 227]

 

May 1893

 

Mon. 1st  Came home after Lunch today.  Finished my “Sheep” picture and it is quite pretty.  We We have some more new neighbors in our Flat, by name of Pearson.  They are very religious and on order of the Holiness people  They seem to be very nice people, but Johnny does not like them because of their religion he being an unbeliever – an Infidel.

 

Tues. 2  I came home after Lunch today.  “Anna” of the St. Angels, left this afternoon for Chicago, and she told us of her life, before leaving.  She was born, Anna Manning, near the “Killarney Lakes”, Ireland on the River Rhine, the tide from which, came up into their back yard.  At age of 16, she crossed the Ocean, alone, coming to her brother Tom in San Francisco, who had preceded her, several years; here she met, loved and married George Hamilton (the reprobate son of Lord Hamilton of England) after twice, following him to Australia, on the ship upon which, he was a Sailor; he has abandoned her, but she wont give up and is going to Chicago to meet him, taking her “savings” to him, for she must work, as he does not support her, and only occasionally writes her, and very seldom sees her; has not seen him for more than a year still she is “daughter-in-law to a Lord.”  Bosh!

 

[Page 228]

 

May 1893

Los Angeles Calif.

 

Wed. 3  Came home after Lunch today.  This evening I called in at Mrs. Pearson’s to see their new baby and was not gone long enough to make a decent Call, yet when I came back Johnny cursed and abused me, for “staying.”  They are only across the hall from us and I was gone about 15 minutes.  Oh! if I might ever have a kind word from Johnny.

 

Thurs. 4  Cloudy, damp, cold; hard weather for Johnny.  I came home after Lunch, tho’ Johnny is so ill-natured, it is torture to be around him – but “until death do us part.”

 

Fri. 5  Another cloudy, foggy day.  At St. Angels as usual; came home after Lunch, tho’ most awfully busy, as I am really, private Secretary now, for Helen Glennon, beside my other work.  She is “fair, fat, and forty,” really a nice looking, widow, with money and poor eye-sight, and much in love (almost infatuated) with a man much younger than herself, who is only after her money, but one cannot tell her anything.  “Love is blind” and in her “case,” stupidly blind, and what “love-letters,” she does make me write for her.  Well, she pays me well.

 

[Page 229]

 

May 1893

Los Angeles.

 

Sat. 6  Foggy cold morning.  St. Angels.  Much to do, as Helen and I are only ones, now, since the Tourists are leaving for the Coast, so I did not go home after Lunch.  Much writing to do for H.

 

Sun. 7  Quite cool, foggy and cloudy.  St. Angels – home after Lunch, tho’ it is awfully hot walking, middle of the day.

 

Mon. 8  St. Angels.  After Lunch, Johnny met me and we went down town; bought me a new gingham dress.  Mr. Thayer and Louville, spent evening with us, Mr. Thayer, bringing his violin and giving us some nice music; they are pleasant neighbors.

 

Tues. 9  Cod and foggy – St. Angels and home as usual.  Johnny “hived” a swarm of Bees, in a near-by yard, this afternoon.  He grows weaker.

 

Wed. 10  St. Angels.  Did not spare time, to go home after Lunch, as am making my new dress.

 

Thurs. 11  St. Angles.  Stayed to work on my dress, after Lunch.  Writing much for Helen too and she pays me well.

 

Fri. 12  St. Angels.  Came home after Lunch.  Thunder shower at 5 o’clock – are having some Earthquakes too that are pretty lively.

 

[Page 230]

 

May 1893

 

Sat. 13  St. Angels – Home after Lunch.  So hot at time I have to come home after Lunch, the freeze to death rest of time; glorious climate.

 

Sun. 14  St. Angels – home after Lunch – Johnny fails rapidly, keeps up by sheer force of will.  Cold, foggy, bad weather, but you can’t say it to a Californian, no I guess not.

 

Mon. 15  St. Angels, mornings and evenings, so cold, one almost freezes, in sunny (?) Calif.  Came home after Lunch, and went on an errand for Mrs. Busath, taking a note, to Mrs. Reynolds 360 Metcalf.

 

Tues. 16  St. Angels -  To town, shopping, after Lunch, with Helen Glennon, who bought and presented to me, a white dress, two white waists, and a tan, girdle.  I also took my “sheep” picture and left it, to be framed.

 

Wed. 17  St. Angels as usual.  So “drizzle ie,” didn’t go home after Lunch.

 

Thurs. 18  St. Angels.  After Lunch, went to town with Helen Glennon, then out home ‘till Dinner time and home after Dinner at usual hour.  St. Angels mostly filled now with local people.

 

[Page 231]

 

May 1893

 

Fri. 19  After Breakfast work, at St. Angels, I went to town, to get my “Sheep picture and bought another, lovely white waist.  Came home after Lunch bringing my Sheep picture as a surprise to Johnny and he was more than pleased with it.  He is proud of the things I do, as he would be of the five points of a horse, he might own.

 

Sat. 20  Working my usual schedule, today except did not go home after Lunch as Johnny was not going to be at home.

Sun. 21  St. Angels, usual schedule.  After coming home this evening, “Hong Chong’s” Laundry – 1 ½ Blocks West of us – burned, also his store and I went to the fire, with Mrs. Churl.  It was pitiful, yet most amusing sight, to see the Chinamen, in their odd dress, runing about trying to save things; they seemed almost crazed.  It will be a big loss.

 

Mon. 22  St. Angels on usual schedule.  Got a $20.00 gold piece, this evening, my months wage and took it home and gave it all to Johnny, after paying our rent.  There is demand for nurses and I could make a fine salary, nursing, as some advise me to do, but I must do the work that will leave me most time with Johnny.

 

[Page 232]

 

May 1893

 

Tues. 23  St. Angels.  After Lunch, went with Helen to do errands; Yick Woo Laundry, Willits meat market to see about rooms, and to Wild’s grocery – here we got weighed; Helen 120.  I 129, having lost ten pounds, since coming here.

 

Wed. 24  St. Angels usual schedule.  After 3 o’clock weather became disagreably, cold, cloudy windy, “drizzley.”  Give me good old Kansas.

 

Thurs. 25  St. Angels.  Not home after Lunch.  I must put the names, of some of my new made friends in my Diary, lest I forget them, in my going up and down in the World.  Mr. & Mrs. Bateman, very kindly people; she an invalid; have travelled around the World, for her health.  Mr. Doran and family of Chicago – he a very tall, spare built man, a consumptive, very kindly and patient; she a tiny mite of a woman.  A crippled, daughter of 14, petulant and very badly spoiled, and a bright, sweet little daughter of 3 years, who has great musical talent and plays the violin.  The Misses Cox, school-teachers Mr. & Mrs. Morey, of Philadelphia, very wealthy.  He, a cranky, little, dark man, consumptive – she, a blonde, very kindly, rather, large.

 

[Page 233]

 

May 1893 Los Angeles.

 

Piralts – Reevis and family – he a tall white man she a heavy built Spanish woman – sweetest boy, five years old, a typical Spaniard of the fine Class, and twin babies, the boy also having been a twin; the twin babies are both boys, two months old, each being born with two lower teeth.  Mr. & Mrs. Henderson, who have been around the World three times – he a Lawyer and a great strong man, she a little woman, an invalid has a Canary bird, which she took on all her trips around the World; very kindly people.  Mrs. Stuart and little son, both badly spoiled.  Mrs. Nordhoff, whose husband died with consumption and because of birth of child, after husband died his folks, do not recognise her, thinking a consumptive incapable of father-hood, in last stages.  Mr. Harry Peoples, grass-widower, Mr. Dave Dyas, grass-widower, and cousin Raymond Dyas, Dr. Orme, widower, very fond of flowers.  Mr. & Mrs. John Riley (brother of James Whitcomb Riley) very, pleasant, unassuming people, whom every one likes, tho’ many, who met the Poet think him a snob.  Then the Frick family, mother a widow, with two fine sons, and her sister and family, the Nicholas’s and ever so many more whom I only slightly know.  All are very kind to me.

 

[Page 234]

 

May 1893

 

Fri. 26  St. Angels on usual schedule.  Getting so hot, many are going to their Cottages on the Coast.

 

Sat. 27  St. Angels.  Not home after Lunch.  Went to Yick Woo Laundry, to get my dress, which was very nicely done up.

 

Sun. 28  St. Angels – not home after Lunch.  Drizzle ‘til noon then hot, steamy damp.

 

Mon. 29  St. Angels on usual schedule.  The morning was so disagreable – a dripping drizzle and heavy atmosphere.

 

Tues. 30  “Decoration Day.”  St. Angels – not home after Lunch, as went with Helen Glennon to town to see Parade, but only Salvation Army paraded, however, it made a nice showing.  Another disagreable morning of drizzle.  After the Breakfast hour, I went to town and bought a nice Guitar, in a Pawn-shop, for $5.00 some of my tip-money and why not, when Johnny buys whiskey with my wages.

 

Wed. 31  St. Angels on usual schedule, but Johnny not home this afternoon, so I visited with Mrs. Jack Terrell who keeps house, for her brother Geo. Hill.

 

[Page 235]

 

June 1893

 

Thurs. 1  St. Angels on usual schedule; another “drizzle” day.  Johnny is so dissatisfied here, because of so much cloudy, damp, weather, he wants to leave and go to Redlands or somewhere in mountains, but we are simply not able to travel about so much, and tho’ he does not suspect it, I know there is no cure, for him no difference where we go.

 

Fri. 2  To St. Angels, but not home after Lunch, as I do much writing for Helen Glenon

 

Sat. 3  A very heavy fog, California drizzle or a Kansas rain.  St. Angels as usual, but not home after Lunch, because of a very important event taking place.  There was a bornin’ in the household – a little daughter was born this afternoon to Mr. & Mrs. Chas. Busath and we girls had to take charge of things for Mr. B.

 

Sun. 4  St. Angels, but not home after Lunch, for I get so tired and Johnny goes over to visit the Firemen.  Called at Mrs. Terrell’s this evening

 

Mon. 5  Another cold, “fog-rain.”  St. Angels, on my regular schedule, that is home after Lunch.  My Busath friends, have named their baby girl “Alice” for the dear little mother.  It makes me “hungry” for a baby, too.

 

[Page 236]

 

June 1893 Los Angeles.

 

Tues. 6  Came home after Lunch.  The Boilers in kitchen of St. Angels, were over-heated and came near exploding, this morning and for some time, danger was very grave.  I called on Mrs. Jack Terrell this afternoon and this evening she came in to see me few minutes.

 

Wed. 7  A clear pretty day, for a change and it is a treat.  St. Angels on my usual schedule, tho’ Johnny is often away when I get home – he grows weaker too.

 

Thurs. 8  A heavy, drizzle, rain all day.  St. Angels and home after Lunch as usual.

 

Fri. 9  Clear again today.  St. Angels, but not home after Lunch – stayed at St. Angels to have Maude Sanders, teach me a new piece of music, and to tune my Guitar.

 

Sat. 10  Another old drizzle day.  St. Angels.  Came home after Lunch, as Johnny doesn’t go out anywhere, on such days.

 

Sun. 11  St. Angels – not home after Lunch, since Johnny can visit, neighbor Thayer who plays violin for him.  “Drizzle, drizzle, drizzle.”

 

[Page 237]

 

June 1893

 

Mon. 12  Rained this morning.  St. Angels and home after Lunch.  Johnny grows weaker and cannot take long walks any more.

 

Tues. 13  St. Angels and home after Lunch.  Cloudy day; O, California, where is your boasted sunniness?  I fail to see it – doesn’t begin to compare with the dear old Sunflower state, of Kansas, for sunniness.

 

Wed. 14  St. Angels.  After Lunch, went to town shopping with Helen Glennon and she bought me, a nice, black, Cashmere dress.

 

Thurs. 15  St. Angels and home after Lunch.  Called at Mrs. Penny’s this evening; our Land-lady and a blessed good woman.

 

Fri. 16  St. Angels – After Lunch, went with Helen Glennon, to Ball game, at Athletic Park between, Oakland, Calif, and Los Angeles Teams.  Fine game, won by Oakland.  Johnny went to the game too.  People go wild, here over Base Ball and I never saw such a swell crowd.  The boxes of the Grand Stand, were full of swell dressed, aristocracy, and the crowd was interesting to look at.

 

[Page 238]

 

Los Angeles Calif.

June 1893

 

Sat. 17  Home after Lunch today.  Heavy, awful, fog today and the consequent heavy air, very hard on Johnny.

 

Sun. 18  St. Angels as usual, but not home after Lunch.  “Drizzle fog, as usual; O for the much vaunted sunshine of California, lest I come to believe the State, sunless.  Mrs. Jack Terrell, left for Arizona, today, with the body of her little boy, the baby having died of Pneumonia.  They did not Call a Doctor, depending, wholly on Christian Science, of which this country is full, tho’ I believe “Spiritualism,” leads.

 

Mon. 19  A very heavy fog today.  St. Angels as usual, but after Lunch, went with Helen Glennon out to Mrs. Sturgis’, 940 College Ave, to see her, about making, my new black dress.

 

Tues. 20  Came home after Lunch, today.  Cloudy day.

 

Wed. 21  St. Angels the usual schedual, today.  I pity Johnny so; I wish he could get well, tho’ I would not live, with him, if he did, for his abuse is almost impossible to bear; but he is sick and it would be unchristian, to leave him helpless, so I will take care of him; work and support him until the end.  My Bible and prayer my solace.

 

[Page 239]

 

June 1893.

 

Thurs. St. Angels.  Went out on College Ave, after Lunch, to Mrs. Sturgis’ to get my dress fitted; home at usual hour, after Dinner this evening.

 

Fri. 23  St. Angels.  After Lunch, Helen Glennon and I went to Athletic Park, to see Ball Game, between San Francisco and Los Angeles.  Johnny met us at the Park, to see the game too; it resulted, ten to one in favor of Los Angeles.  We enjoyed it.

 

Sat. 24  St. Angels – home after Lunch, and had much to-day, to do at home – always busy.

 

Sun. 25  St. Angels – not home after Lunch, as some days I need to stay at St. Angels, for rest.

 

Mon. 26  Came home after Lunch today – Johnny has grown so weak, can get no farther than across the street on his walks, any more, and now wants to go home to Topeka.

 

Tues. 27  St. Angels.  After Breakfast, went to town to shop a little; not home after Lunch.  Just one year today, my baby, my wee girlie died and my heart never ceases to long for her.  Johnny talks of Topeka and our return, much of the time, now.

 

[Page 240]

 

June 1893

 

Wed. 28  St. Angels as usual.  After Lunch, Helen and I, went over to Mrs. Sturgis’s to “try on,” my dress again; it is plain and pretty.

 

Thurs. 29  Foggy, very – to St. Angels and home after Lunch.  So many beautiful Pepper-trees, and Palms along the streets, between work and home and I enjoy them so much, also the flowers.

 

Fri. 30  Another foggy day.  St. Angels and home after Lunch – we have decided to go back to dear old Kansas, if we can raise money.

 

July

 

Sat. 1st  Drizzle rain – St. Angels and home at regular schedule.  Johnny unable to walk more than a block, now with deep fatigue.

 

Sun. 2  St. Angelo – not home after Lunch.

 

Mon. 3  A very thick fog.  St. Angels – home after Lunch – went to Sturgis’s on College Ave before going back to St. Angels for Dinner.  It is just “walk” all the time and scarcely off my feet, until I go to bed, then Johnny, poor fellow, coughs so terribly, I get little sleep or rest, and I grow thinner every day.  Johnny is anxious to go home, thinking if he gets away from this damp climate he will get well.  O, I wish he might.

 

[Page 241]

 

July 1893

 

Tues. 4th  “Fourth of July.”  Fog and drizzle all morning but fine afternoon.  St. Angels and came home after Lunch.  After Dinner, I went alone to junction of Temple, Main and Spring Sts – not far from St. Angels – to see the Parade, which was very fine and cost much money.  Had a great many fine Floats, Historical, mostly and burned many colored lights.  After Parade, I took a car home.  They certainly, celebrate the, Fourth of July in California.  I was so sorry Johnny could not have seen it, but the poor fellow is too weak to be out in the night air, any more – very, very weak.

 

Wed. 5  Very foggy morning.  St. Angels and home after Lunch

 

Thurs. 6  St. Angels and home at usual hours.  How sweet Baby Busath is – such a dear, dainty, baby.

 

Fri. 7  To my usual work, thro’ the usual, thick fog and home at my usual hours.

 

Sat. 8  Came home after Lunch; before going to St. Angels for dinner, I went to Mrs. Sturgis’s and got my new dress, and took with me.  After dinner, “dressed up” and wore it home – everyone saying it looked very nice on me.  I find Mrs. Sturgis’ a

 

[Page 242]

 

relative of Maude Sanders, who in reality is Lizzie Woodward.  She has been living under the name of her lover, whom she passes as her brother – a young man, whom she loved “not wisely but too well” and is now inconsolable, since he has deserted her.  None of us know where she is, but I’m glad the Sturgis’s do not know of her double life, for they are such nice people.  God pity these poor girls who love scoundrels.

 

Sun. 9  St. Angels – not home after Lunch, for the time is so short between Lunch and Dinner on Sunday, I hardly get home, ‘til must come back.

 

Mon. 10  Very heavy fog.  St. Angels and home after Lunch  We have to have, very hot fire, most all of every morning and every evening, for it is so cold here.  Not a day, but we have our stove, “red-hot.”

 

Tues. 11  Another day of heavy fog and drizzle, and I did not come home, after Lunch, but stayed at St. Angels to rest.

 

Wed. 12  Very heavy, drizzling fog.  St. Angels to work and home after Lunch and usual hour this evening, again.

 

[Page 243]

 

Thurs. 13  St. Angels and home, at my usual hours.  Guess I will have to quit work and stay home with Johnny for he is failing so rapidly, it is not safe to leave him alone anymore – he can’t leave the Flat.

 

Fri. 14  Fog! fog!! fog!!! St. Angels to work, but not home after Lunch, as I am too worn out to walk so much.  I get so little rest at night.

 

Sat. 15  St. Angels and home after Lunch.  Called at Mrs. Finley’s this evening, to return some dishes in which she had brought some dainty food to Johnny – every one is so kind to us.

 

Sun. 16  Clear day for once.  St. Angels – not home after lunch; time too short between Lunch and Dinner.

 

Mon. 17  St. Angels – home after Lunch – my friends send many things to Johnny.  Mrs. Morey gave me a bottle of fine wine, to take home to him and others, have given me fruits and flowers.

 

Tues. 18  St. Angels and home at my usual hours.

 

Wed. 19  St. Angels to work and home at usual hours today.  My mind and heart and hands are more than full these days.  Johnny is very weak.

 

[Page 244]

 

July 1893

 

Thurs. 20  St. Angels and home as usual today – little sprinkle of rain this morning.  Johnny so poorly I must soon quit work, and I don’t know how we will live.  Death is so near my home, I shudder.  Away here among strangers, working and sacrificing to make a living, and seeing Death, coming nearer every day.  O God spare me this blow – I don’t see how I can bear up under any more.

 

Fri. 21  Sprinkle of rain in morning.  St. Angelo and home, at usual hours.

 

Sat. 22  St. Angels and home after Lunch.  My month is up today, and good Mr. Busath, paid me my usual $20.00 gold piece – it wont last long, for tonight after Dinner, I quit work, and am home to stay, for Johnny has grown so much worse, it is not safe to leave him alone any more; and any way, we will soon go home to Topeka, if he lives until we can arrange things.  He thinks he will get well when we get back home, where it is warm and dry.

 

Sun. 23  Home all day with Johnny except just long enough, to go down to Kalliwoda’s Drug Store, this morning and get him some wine.

 

[Page 245]

 

Mon. 24  I went down to the St. Angels, this afternoon to do some writing for Helen Glennon, and she and I went to town, to do a little shopping.  I called at Mrs. Finley’s and Mrs. Barton’s a few minutes this morning.

 

Tues. 25  Cloudy day – Home all day with Johnny, who spends most of time in bed, tho’ he can walk a little bit, in the hall – he is making a brave fight to stay on his feet, until we go home.

 

Wed. 26  Another cloudy morning – hot thro’ middle of the day.  Home with Johnny all day.  Helen Glennon, came out this afternoon and I wrote some letters for her – she gave me a very pretty handkerchief.

 

Thurs. 27  Very heavy fog last night and Johnny not so well.  I went to town this morning; making plans to go home to Topeka.  Henry Augustine, one of the Firemen, in station across the street, came in to see Johnny this afternoon

 

Fri. 28  Home with Johnny all day; he walks in the hall, a little each day, hoping to keep up strength, until we can go home.

 

[Page 246]

 

July 1893

 

Sat. 29  Mr. Busath, sent Helen Glennon, out this afternoon, to ask me to come down to St. Angels tonight and help with Dinner and I did so, as it would not keep long away from Johnny.

 

Sun. 30  Home with Johnny – we hope to go home to Topeka very soon now, if his vitality holds out.  Went to St. Angels this evening to help with Dinner.

 

Mon. 31  Home with Johnny, except to go to St. Angels this evening to help thro’ the Dinner hour.  Some-times, I feel I can no longer endure these trying days – Life is hard.  Fate so unkind to me.  I seem to have more than my share of trial.

 

-August-

 

Tues. 1  A letter from Mother Shaw, brings money to go home on.  Mrs. Barkey and Mrs. Swezey, both former Topekans, to whom Johnny used to carry mail – called this morning to see us, having just found out we were here, and we did not know they were here and we start home tomorrow.  I called at Mrs. Cook’s (also former Topekan) this afternoon, then to town to buy a few neccessities and dispose of our few household effects to “Second-hand man” and make final arrangements for our trip home, then over to St. Angels, to help for last time thro’ the Dinner hour.

 

[Page 247]

 

August 1893.

 

Wed. 2  I went to the St. Angels this morning, and to Mrs. Finley’s Mrs. Barkey’s and Mrs. Busath’s, to bid them all Good-bye.  This afternoon, Mrs. Ahl, Helen Glennon, Henry Augustine, Charlie and Mrs. Finley and Mrs. Penny came to tell us goodbye, and Mrs. Swezey & Mrs. Barkey came with a large lunch basket, filled with a nice Lunch and fine fruit and to go to train to see us off; and Mrs. Cook came with her carriage, to take us to the Depot.  Johnny with some one, on each side of him, to half carry him, managed to get down the stairs and to the carriage, almost in state of collapse.  At Depot, Conductor picked him up in his arms and carried him into the train, which, at 5:15 P. M. pulled out of the new, A. T & S. F. Depot (dedicated last Sat.) with us aboard, occupying Berth 9 – lower – bound for Topeka and home.  I came here, with a heavy heart because of loved ones and many dear friends, I was leaving, and now I return home, with a heavy heart, for again, I am leaving many dear friends and most of all, because I know, just ahead a little way, death is waiting, to claim the one to whom I’m bound; it may come on way home and my heart almost failed me.  I scarcly could get courage, to make the start, but the sick one so longed to get home, so I’ve made the start and pray God for strength and to take us safely all the way.

 

[Page 248]

 

August 1893

 

Thurs. 3  Speeding homeward, aboard the good old Santa Fe.  We have all, of Section 9, Tourist, and it is very nice, clean and comfortable.  Our car is filled with travellers, on their way to Chicago’s World’s Fair, and are all jolly, pleasant people.  Last night, was very hot, but Johnny rested pretty well, and not seeming to feel any ill effect of going over the Mountains, near San Barnardino.(3000 feet Alt.)  I sat out on steps of the train, last night, to see all I could of beautiful Cojon Pass, by Moonlight.  There was a grand Moon, almost weird, in its glory of light.  We travelled across the Mojave Desert, all night across which a hot wind blew, and reached the Needles this morning for Breakfast and were soon out of Calif.  Saw a fine drove of Goats near Pineneta, scampering up the hills.  Reached Peach Springs, Arizona, for dinner and here it rained a very hard shower, tho’ sun shone thro’ most of it.   Soon after leaving this place, my heart commenced troubling me and kept it up until night.  Our train is behind time, because of a heavy train of 7 cars, and “washouts” between Laguna and Albuquerque N. Mex.  We reached Williams Ariz. for Supper and scenery all about here very fine, grand.  Williams is a pretty, mountain town, nestleing among the Pines, before reaching which

 

[Page 249]

 

August 1893

 

we go around the “Horseshoe” over high trestles, pass thro’ “Johnson’s Canon, see Williams Monument, and the “Bottomless Pit.”  We come to Flagstaff, which is much of a Lumber Camp, not nearly so pretty, as Williams, and then we pass into the night and will see nothing more until morning.

 

Fri. 4  This morning we awakened in New Mexico, nearly halfway, home.  Saw herds of black and white goats.  Early this morning passed thro’ Laguna the oldest, Indian Pueblo, a very pretty, adobe Village built up the side of a Cliff.  We passed the “Wash-out” district in safety, and came into Isleta another Indian, adobe town, where we saw large herd of Burros.  Raise lots of fruit here.  When nearing Ratown Johnny began to feel the effects of the high altitude and I had to call the assistance of Dr. White, who is traveling in our car.  His life ebbed very low for a time, but we passed over the Mountains in safety and now are plunging down the other side, into the dark night and the prairies of our home country, and Johnny resting, I curl up to doze.

 

Sat. 5  This morning I awaken, with only the day between me and home, and still my husband lives, tho’ awearied and much worn; how the

 

[Page 250]

 

August 1893

 

day has dragged as we seem to creep, over the prairies of our beloved home land; five miles out from Cimarron, were delayed by a “Hot-box,” again at Dodge City, once again at Kinsley and yet again at Macksville and all these delays grind on the nerves of my sick one who is making a hard fight to reach home alive that he may die among friends.  We arrived in Topeka about 5:30 P. M., one year to the very hour, from day we left.  Dr. White and another man carried Johnny to a Hack for me, and we soon drove to his brother Jim Shaw’s, 1217 East Tenth St. and our long hard Journey was ended – Were not expecting us and no one at home, but Willie and Frankie soon came, then the others.  Mother Shaw came down this evening to see us.  Oh! so weary.

 

Sun. 6  At brother Jim Shaw’s where we must stay for a time, at least.  Johnny not at all well – could not sit up.  Mother and brother Frank Shaw, Mrs. Ela and Sam Wills – mail carrier – called to see us this evening.

 

Mon. 7  Mr. Charlie Kerle called this morning, Mr. and Mrs. Will Baker, Fred Farnsworth, Charlie Conwell and Sad Hodgins called this evening.  I went to P. O. this P. M.

 

[Page 251]

 

August 1893

 

Tues. 8  Showers and cool.  Mother and Mr. Shoaf called to see us this afternoon.  We are both, quite tired yet, but so glad to be home.

 

Wed. 9  My days are full, with care of Johnny as he takes much waiting on, and will let no one but me, hand him, even a cup of water.  Mrs. Guy Herman and little Ed, Mrs. Ed. Hanway and little Earle, and Mrs. Will Baker, called this afternoon.

 

Thurs. 10  Has rained almost all day.  Johnny’s only nourishment has been five cups of hot milk today – no appetite, but can drink milk.

 

Fri. 11  I went up town few minutes, after dinner, for Morphine for Johnny.  Mrs. Will Conklin called this afternoon.  So good to see old friends.

 

Sat. 12  Cloudy all day, something like California.  Johnny seems a little better, but has not sat up a moment since we came home.  He wont improve much , until this cool weather “lets up.”  Uncle Marian Van Orsdol, called this morning.  Mr. & Mrs. W. C. Baker called this afternoon.

 

Sun. 13  Mr. Will Conklin called to see us this afternoon.  Johnny seems no worse, but cannot get out of bed.

 

[Page 252]

 

August 1893

 

Mon. 14  I went up town this morning to get Johnny some medicine.  Guy Herman called this morning he is going away.  I cannot bear the sight of him, because he is so unkind to his wife and family; and his wife has told me, he admires me greatly – I scorn such men.  Cousin Will Van Orsdol called this afternoon to see us.

 

Tues. 15  Home at brother Jim Shaws, taking care of Johnny.  I can scarcely leave him long enough to eat my meals – must sit and fan him most of time.

 

Wed. 16  Johnny slowly grows weaker and I am with him day and night.  Have not undressed to go to bed, since I left Los Angeles.  He wont let anyone else care for him, so day and night I sit by his bed-side, getting what sleep I can in a rocking-chair, and I never seem rested.

 

Thurs. 17  Johnny sent me up town this morning to subscribe for the Daily Journal.  Some of the warm afternoons, I carry him out-side, and place him on a cot in shade of the house, where he will be in open air.

 

[Front Cover]

 

Mattie Van Orsdol-Shaw

 

Mattie V. Shaw

Diary 1893.

 

A miserable year.

 

1893.

 

California –

 

Johnny’s death.

 

Topeka.

 

Farnsworth

 

[Page Aug 18, 1893]

 

Fri. 18 Aug. 1893  All day long, beside the sick bed of my husband.  Baby Jesse Shaw is so sweet and pretty; creeps everywhere.

 

Sat. 19  Went up town this morning to Mr. E. Hanway’s shop and listened for first time, to a Phonograph also, had him take some 25 cent pictures of me, by Electricity.  Mrs. Baker and cousin Jennie Van called today; this evening, Jim staid with Johnny, while Retta and I went up town to get some wine for Johnny

 

Sun. 20  Retta and I went to First Christian Church this afternoon, to Baptismal services.  There were 17 Baptized.

 

Mon. 21  Home taking care of my sick husband, who grows weaker each day.

 

Tues. 22  Met Mrs. Baker, by appointment this afternoon, at P. O. and went to Metropolitan Hall, to a Legislature, trial, or Court Martial of Col. J. W. F. Hughes.  She introduced me to her Brother Frank Holz and Gen. Artz of Populistic fame.  Rained a little.

 

Wed. 23  Went up on Topeka Ave, this afternoon to call on Mrs. H. W. Farnsworth

 

[Page Aug 24, 1893]

 

Topeka, Ks.

 

Thurs. 24 Aug. 1893  Home with Johnny, who will hardly, let me from his bedside, long enough to eat my meals.  I wish he was a Christian; it is hard to see him, dying an unbeliever, an Infidel.  I pray God to change his heart.

 

Fri. 25  Rev. Romig, who is holding a Revival in a Tent, on Lake St. and Rev. Smith who married J. and I, called this afternoon and prayed with Johnny, but they do not try to convert him, as I wish they would do.  Retta and I went to the Meeting this evening at the Tent, which was “packed;” Splendid sermon.  Twelve persons, united with the Church.  Rev. Romig is an Evangelist of the Christian Church.

 

Sat. 26  Went up town on an errand this morning.  Johnny grows weaker and cannot raise himself up in bed and I must lift him so much and turn him.

 

Sun. 27  Retta and I went to Church this evening, at the Tent; 6 united with the Church.  Rev. Romig is a fine speaker and the large Tent is always more than packed.

 

[Page Aug 28, 1893]

 

Mon. 28 Aug. 1893  Home at brother Jim’s with Johnny, who takes almost constant care and I never get to undress, day or night, nor lie on a bed, but must sit constantly by his bed-side and catch what sleep, I can, sitting in my chair.

 

Tues. 29  Mother and I went up town this afternoon, to get some medicine for J.

 

Wed. 30  I went up town this morning and again this afternoon with Retta to get little Jesse’s picture taken.  Mother staid with J. and this evening Jim staid with J. while Retta and I went to Meeting at the Tent.  A fine sermon and 9 united with church.

 

Thurs. 31  Home with Johnny, who is so ill-natured and abusive to me, that his brother, goes after him sometimes and “hushes him up,” telling him, he ought to be ashamed of himself, for abusing one, who has done so much for him and does all in her power for him, day after day, uncomplainingly.

 

[Page Sept 1, 1893]

 

Topeka, Ks.

Fri. 1 Sept. 1893

 

Brother Jim staid with J. tonight while Retta and I went to the Tent meeting.  12 persons united with the church.  I think I never heard better sermons, than Rev. Romig preaches.

 

Sat. 2  Jim sat by Johnny again this evening while Retta and I went to Revival meeting.  It gives me a rest of an hour and a half and helps me very much, to get to go to the meeting.  Retta united with the church tonight, with 9 others, making 10.

 

Sun. 3  Today is 9th Anniversary of Retta and Jim’s marriage.  Aunt Delia Howard and cousin Maude, Uncle Marian and Aunt Kate Van Orsdol, came this morning to see J.

 

Mon. 4  Today is Johnny’s and my 4th wedding Anniversary and what a long, miserable, unhappy, four years it has been.  “Four years full of tears,” and I have tried so hard to get J. to be kind to me, but he can’t be kind to any woman.  He abuses his Mother, more than me and she is such a good woman.  A Christian,

 

[Page Sept 5, 1893]

 

woman in every way, and so generous and kind to every one.  I went up town this morning, for a walk in the air, and to see the “Labor Day parade,” which was good, what there was of it.  Retta and I went to Church at Tent, this evening and 15 united with the Church.

 

Tues. 5  Home with Johnny; had to fan him constantly, it was such an awful hot day.

 

Wed. 6  Awfully hot today and I had Retta take a Cot out in shade of house and I picked Johnny up in my arms and carried him out doors and put him on the Cot in the air.  Mr. & Mrs. W. Baker spent afternoon with us.  Retta and I went to the Tent-meeting this eve.  4 united with church.

 

Thurs. 7  So hot, I carried Johnny out doors again this afternoon.  Retta and I go church this evening, 3 united with church.

 

Fri. 8  Had Johnny out doors again this afternoon on the Cot; so warm in the house and he is restless.

 

[Page Sept 9, 1893]

 

Topeka Ks.

 

Sat. 9 Sept. 1893  Retta and I went to meeting this evening and 5 united with Church.  Rev. Romig is having a wonderful meeting.

 

Sun. 10  Retta and I went to Baptismal services this afternoon, at the First Christian Church.  12 were Baptized, Retta being one of them.  Lizzie and Harry Bair, came to see Johnny.  They have the sweetest baby – Hazel – and has the most hair I ever saw on a child; its hair is a black-brown, and four or five inches long and very thick, making her look, like a lovely doll; she is only about four months old.

 

Mon. 11  Retta and I went to Church again this evening and 7 persons joined Church.

 

Tues. 12  Oda Parish and family, of Washington, Ks. cousins of the Shaws, came during afternoon and staid for supper, then went to mothers and staid over night.

 

Wed. 13  The Parish family all here for supper again, and then took night train for Texas.  They are such lovely people.  Awful hot, south wind.  98° in shade, today.

 

[Page Sept 14, 1893]

 

Thurs. 14 Sept. 1893  Retta and I went to church this evening, as Rev. Romig was to preach his “Farewell” sermon, but has been persuaded to stay longer.  15 united with the church.

 

Fri. 15  An awful windy, dusty day and cooler.  Aunt Delia Howard and cousin Nellie, Julia Rupe, Mrs. Sam Robinson, Mrs. Harlan, Mrs. Will Baker and, Mrs. F. Holz and two children called to see us, or Johnny this afternoon.  Retta and I went to Tent meeting this evening and four united with the Church.

 

Sat. 16  Awakened this morning, to find ground white with a light frost.   Retta and I went to Church tonight.  4 joined.  I never heard such Sermons as Romig, preaches.

 

Sun. 17  An awfully windy day.  Johnny grows weaker each day, but has a wonderful vitality.  I have prayed and prayed for his return to health, and I still pray that God will give him my health and let me take his disease and be the one to die.  He wants so much to live; he thinks too he is going to get well and told me, he knew he had not treated me right, but when he gets well, he will make it all up and will be good to me.

 

[Page Sept 18, 1893]

 

Topeka Ks.

 

Mon. 18 Sept. 1893  Retta and I went to Church this evening.  Rained and Tent leaked.  Only one joined church this evening.

 

Tues. 19  Rained until nearly noon.  Retta and I went to Revival meeting tonight; 5 persons united with the Church, one being a helpless cripple who had to be carried forward; it was the most effecting scene, and quite overcame Rev. Romig, as well as many others.  Several Blind people have joined, during the meeting.  It seems almost like the preaching in Christ’s time that we read of.  The sick, the blind, the crippled all came.  It is the most wonderful meeting I’ve ever attended.

 

Wed. 20  Retta and I to Church tonight and 8 united with church.  How these meetings rest me, after being in a sick-room all day.

 

Thurs. 21 Rained so hard, we could not go to church this evening.

 

Fri. 22  Mrs. Pettit went with Retta and I, to Church this evening.  6 joined church.

 

Sat. 23  Praise service at Church tonight, but Johnny is worse and I cannot go.  404 have joined so far.  I was up town this morning.

 

[Page Sept 24, 1893]

 

Sun. 24 Sept. 1893  Johnny so weak I dared not leave at all today; it seemed almost as if the end had come.

 

Mon. 25  Johnny still not well enough for me to leave his bedside.

 

Tues. 26  Johnny is quite himself again and gave me permission to go to church tonight, with Retta and he would let his brother sit by him, until my return.  10 united with the church tonight.

 

Wed. 27  Went up town for “morphine” this morning, as Johnny has to have it all the time; the only thing that keeps him alive.

 

Thurs. 28  Rained all day and is cold; a bad day for Johnny, who is always worse when it rains.

 

Fri. 29  Rained all day, but quit by evening and Retta and I went to Church, but only had prayer-meeting;

 

Sat. 30  A fine day, and this afternoon, I went up town met Mrs. Baker and went out to Fair Grounds to enter some of my Crochet-work at State Fair.

 

[Page Oct 1, 1893]

 

Topeka, Ks.

 

Sun. Oct. 1st 1893  Johnny kept me constantly by him today; would not sleep a moment without holding my hand, “lest” he said,” he might go to sleep and never awaken, and if I was by him all the time, I would see, and awaken him.

 

Mon. 2  Constantly over Johnny today and so tired.

 

Tues. 3  Retta and I to Church this evening.  460 joined to date.

 

Wed. 4  I went to Santa Fe Depot, this afternoon, to see my cousins, Rev. W. H. Farrell and Minnie as they passed thro’ going to the “World’s Fair” in Chicago.  Had a nice little visit with them for 20 minutes.  Rev. Romig and Rev. Mallory called this evening.  Meeting closes tonight.

 

Thurs. 5  Over Johnny all day.  Two months this afternoon, since we came home and not once in all that time, have I had my clothes off, only to change to others, nor have I been in bed.  I sleep in a chair beside, the bed, that I may minister to his every want.  Several times I have laid down on the floor on a pallet, but he does not like to have me do so.

 

[Page Oct 6, 1893]

 

Fri. 6 Oct. 1893  Through the day, I have to be constantly, doing something for J. tho’ he sleeps a great deal and at night while others sleep, he is awake and will not let me sleep, so I get little rest day or night, and must be always by him.

 

Sat. 7  Went to the Fair Grounds, this afternoon to get my Crochet work.  I received First Premium on it.

 

Sun. 8  Close by the bedside all day.  While Johnny is ill natured much of the time, he sees the “funny side” of things and gets off many jokes on us and visitors, when he feels so inclined.

 

Mon. 9  I have little time, for anything but take care of Johnny.

 

Tues. 10  Rev. B. L. Smith and Mr. Hart called this afternoon to see Johnny.

 

Wed. 11  I would give my life to have Johnny a Christian man.

 

[Page Oct 12, 1893]

 

Topeka, Ks.

 

Thurs. 12, Oct. 1893.  Retta is getting ready to go away on a visit and then my hands will be full.  Johnny is now, as helpless as a baby, almost can’t raise his head from the pillow.

 

Fri. 13  Mother staid with J. while Retta and I went up town, to do a little shopping.

 

Sat. 14  I can’t understand, why my life should be so unhappy and be so full of wretched misery, when I have tried so hard, to be good.

 

Sun. 15  Retta and baby Jesse, left today, for Carrollton Mo. – her old home – to visit and I am left, to “keep-house,” for a sick husband and her husband and two little boys.  Folks hardly think she is doing right, to go away at this time and leave so much on my hands, when Johnny may die, any day and is feeling so badly today.

 

Mon. 16  Keeping house the best I can with a sick husband to take care of.

 

[Page Oct 17, 1893]

 

Tues. 17 Oct. 1893  Johnny’s conscience seems to give him a twinge, once in awhile and he feels remorse, for his unkindness, to me and he said to me today, “that I had done everything in the world, for him that a woman could do and no other woman, would ever have lived with him and done for him, as I have, and when he gets well, he is going to join the church, and will be a better man and be good to me, and do many things for me.”  Oh poor man; my heart is filled with pity for him, but he crushed my heart long ago; killed all the love of my heart.  I could never love him again, never and could such a miracle, happen, as his restoration to health, I would not live with him.  I stay now, because he is sick and helpless, and it is my duty, as one who tries to be a Christian.  But he died to me, long ago.  When I felt my love dying, I fought to retain it, but no love can live, under such cruelty.

 

[Page Oct 18, 1893]

 

Topeka, Ks.

 

Wed. 18 Oct. 1893  Johnny is not as well as usual and takes almost constant attention and yet I try to hope, as he does.  I do so wish he could get well.

 

Thurs. 19  Johnny fails fast and yet for two months, death any day, would have really been no surprise.

 

Fri. 20  Johnny is a very sick man today, and how my “heart jumped” this morning when I discovered his feet, had commenced to swell; I know death is very near; just a question of how long his vitality can fight it off.  He has been very “flighty” today.

 

Sat. 21  Johnny has been real “flighty” all day.  Just about half concious.  I sat up all night, last night alone, with him, not daring to close my eyes.

 

Sun. 22  Johnny has been very low, all day.  I sat up alone with him last night.  Dr. Lewis came at noon, made examination and left the new consumption cure,

 

[Page Oct 23, 1893]

 

for him, which is discovery of Amids of Cinn. O.  Mr. and Mrs. Roberts called this afternoon.

 

Mon. 23  Johnny has been out of his head and “raving” most all day, as also last night.  I was so exhausted, that I lay down on the floor, awhile last night but got little sleep, as I had to hold Johnny in bed part of the time.  I have not been undressed, nor in bed, since we came from Calif. nearly three months ago and such work would exhaust anyone; but J. wont allow any one else to care him, or do anything for him.  Mrs. Tarbell and George called this afternoon.

 

Tues. 24  Johnny seems some better today.  Mrs. White, Mrs. Roberts and Idola Runyen here.  Idola is an old schoolmate, whom I had not seen in years and did not know, lived in Topeka.

 

Wed. 25  Johnny apparently better, but I dare not hope.  Idola Runyen called at the door at noon, to see how J. was. 

 

[Page Oct 26, 1893]

 

Wed. 26 Oct. 1893  Who but God and those who have gone thro’ the same experience, can know, the strange, conflicting emotions of my heart.  Tonight I am utterly alone and miserable.  Tonight I am a widow.  I am free.  My heart would cry out in every joy, because it is freed from a wretchedly, miserable life, and my heart is breaking with pain, heart-ache and utter desolation, that thro’ death must come its release.  It has been such a fine day and Johnny wanted me to go to town on an errand, so mother came and staid with him and at 2 o’clock P. M. I kissed him good-bye and went to town, he saying as I left, to “hurry back for I like to have good looking girls sit by me.”  When I came home, he was dying.  I called Dr. Lewis at 5 o’clock.  J. became unconscious about 6 o’clock and died at 10:5 P. M. and tho’ the room was full of people, I was only one at his bed-side.  Mother and I staid rest of night with Mrs. Johnston, but I could not sleep.

 

[Page Oct 27, 1893]

 

Fri 27 Oct. 1893  I went up town this morning with Jim, to get some necessary things for the funeral.  Rev. B. L. Smith preached Johnny’s funeral and the Mail-Carriers acted as Pall-bearers.  His brother Jim, would not consent to keeping the body, until Sunday, because he died of consumption and so we buried him this evening at 6 o’clock; and tonight I am so wretched, that I feel dazed and as if I must awake from some terrible night-mare.  Four years ago a Bride, hoping to be happy.  Tonight a widow in abject misery.  I know my heart aches as much over his death, as if I had loved him, for it is terrible to have one die, not a christian, and especially one, who was much to us at some time in our life.  But God knows the tears of my heart and the prayers of my heart for this man.  I have striven to do what God would have me do.

 

[Page Oct 28, 1893]

 

Sat. 28 Oct. 1893  I took the funeral flowers up town this morning and had them Photographed.  Idola Moore-Runyen, Mrs. Sam Robinson and Frank Shaw, called this afternoon.  Frank has been in Oklahoma and Jim would not let me keep Johnny’s body, until Frank could get home for the funeral.  Mr. and Mrs. Pettit spent the evening here.

 

Sun. 29  Went up to the Cemetery this morning and took the flowers to Johnny’s grave and some to put on my wee girlie’s.  Charlie Roby, Mrs. Hunter and Mrs. Landsdown called this afternoon.  I spent the evening with the Pettits.  I can’t be content anywhere.

 

Mon. 30  I am keeping house for brother Jim and two little boys, as Retta has not yet returned, and I washed a very large washing this morning; washing bedding and Johnny’s clothes, and putting things away and burning many more, that I may have no reminder, of my unhappy life.  My Wedding Viel and gloves, were buried with Johnny.

 

Tues. 31  I took up the carpet, in room where Johnny was, cleaned it and the room and relaid the carpet.  Mrs. Sam Robinson called this afternoon.

 

[Page Nov 1, 1893]

 

Wed. 1 Nov. 1893  Oh! so lonely, for tho’ unkind, yet Johnny was the father of my child, the one ray of sunshine in all the four years of my married life.

 

Thurs. 2  I must be looking about me, for something to do, because Johnny left me no means of support.  I miss him more than anyone can know, for he has been a constant cause of worry and anxiety to me, having practically, been sick the whole of our married life and now I feel, as if a great load had been lifted from off me and my freedom, is actually a joy, tho’ I sincerely grieve, that death, should be the means of this thrill of pleasure, at being free from such a miserable life.

 

Fri. 3  Trying to rest after my exhausting siege of nursing.  Fred Farnsworth called this afternoon.

 

Sat. 4  Up to P. O. this morning and to get Photos of my flowers and called at Mrs. S. Robinson’s

 

[Page Nov 5, 1893]

 

Topeka, Ks.

 

Sun. 5 Nov. 1893  Went up to the Cemetery this, morning, to Johnny and baby Mabel’s graves.  I am so alone I hardly know which way to turn; I am as a girl again, with the heart-ache of a terrible experience added to her life; 26 years old and think of what I have passed through.

 

Mon 6  Mother Shaw and Mrs. Reed Called, this P. M.

 

Tues. 7  Mrs. Pettit called this afternoon.  Retta got home from her visit in Mo. at 3:30 P. M.

 

Wed. 8  Went up town this morning and to Mother’s for dinner.

 

Thurs. 9  With Retta today; having ho home, I must stay here until I get work.

 

Fri. 10  Went up town this morning and Called at Idola Runyen’s.  Called on Mrs. Pettits this evening.  The Pettits have been so kind to me, all thro’ Johnny’s sickness and death; true friends indeed.

 

Sat. 11  Spent the day with Mother; not feeling well.

 

[Page Nov 12, 1893]

 

Sun. 12 Nov. 1893  At home at Jim and Retta’s sick with a cold, and am in an exhausted state, from so much care and worry.

 

Mon. 13  At Retta’s, hardly able to be up and ought not, to be out of bed, I have such a cold.  I think I shall soon go to nursing.

 

Tues. 14  I feel some better today, but that is not saying much.

 

Wed. 15  Well I feel better today than yesterday and guess I have conquered my cold.

 

Thurs. 16  I went up to the Cemetery this morning to Johnny and Mabel’s graves.  How I wish I could hold, my “wee girlie” in my arms again.  From the Cemetery I took a car and went to spend the day with Mrs. H. W. Farnsworth, 201 Topeka Ave.  Was introduced to her son Jim who is home on a visit, from El Paso Texas, and I thought he looked so much like Johnny, tho’ larger.

 

Fri. 17  I went to town with Mrs. Pettit and her babies, this morning.

 

[Page Nov 18, 1893]

 

Sat. 18 Nov. 1893  Home with Retta today, helping her clean and bake.  I have given her all my silver-ware and blankets, bedding, feather bed, bedstead and practically, everything I had left in the housekeeping line.  I have given away and burned up, everything so that I might not have a thing to remind me, of the old unhappy life; it is such a night-mare, that I shudder at the sight of anything, that reminds me of it.  Oh! that I could make, myself forget it all.

 

Sun. 19  Fred Farnsworth came for me this morning and took me up to his Mother’s, to make arrangements, to stay with her as a nurse, as her daughter must go to her home in Calif.  From Farnsworth’s I took a car to the Cemetery, to Johnny and “wee Girlie’s” graves, then to Jim Shaw’s Retta is 25 years old today.

 

Mon. 20  I came up to Mr. H. W. Farnsworth’s about 4 P. M. today, where I shall be, for awhile.

 

Tues. 21  In my new home today, 201 Topeka Ave; I have only had a short rest, but I need work and don’t expect Mrs. F. to be so hard to nurse, as Johnny was; certainly not so unkind.

 

[Page Nov 22, 1893]

 

201 Topeka Ave, Topeka Ks.

 

Wed. 22 Nov. 1893  Mrs. Thos. Willits and children Adalaide, Clara and Coit, started for their home in Calif. At 3 o’clock this afternoon, accompanied as far as Albuquerque New Mex. by Mr. Jim F.  The house has been full of friends to say “good-bye” to them and tonight Mrs. Farnsworth is feeling very badly.

 

Thurs. 23  My little Patient is lonely and grieving today for her children, who left yesterday.  Mrs. F. has been in poor health, for some time, but is not confined to her bed.

 

Fri. 24  Mr. Farnsworth wanted me to vote, so I went up to “Register” at 4 o’clock P. M.

 

Sat. 25   Went up to the City Jail, this afternoon, with Mrs. Durein, Mrs. Burgess and some others, to vote at the Primary Election.  I voted for the nomination of Col. Burgess for Mayor of Topeka.

 

Sun. 26  Mr. F. staid with his wife this morning, and let me go to church, so I went to my own, the First Christian.  Fred going with me as far as 5th St on his way to work at P. O.

 

[Page Nov 27, 1893]

 

Mon. 27 Nov. 1893  I find my Patient, kind and considerate; very affectionate.  I am with her thro’ the day and at night every one goes to bed and if she needs anything Mr. Farnsworth, waits upon her, so I get my rest at night.  She seldom wakens all night long.

 

Tues. 28  I am getting rested here, in this quiet home; spent my evening writing letters.  Fred went to see his girl.

 

Wed. 29  Tonight Fred F. was home and we had a very pleasant, evening’s visit, really our first visit since my return from California.

 

Thurs. 30  “Thanksgiving Day,” again and although my heart has been so burdened with sorrow and trouble, all the year, yet I have so much to be thankful for.  My work, in this pleasant home, is something to be especially thankful for.  I wanted to go over to the Cemetery this afternoon, but it was so cold; foggy too.  Fred went to see his girl, so Mr. & Mrs. Farnsworth and I had very quiet afternoon and evening.

 

[Page Dec 5, 1893]

 

Tues. 5. Dec 1893  Mrs. Farnsworth is a bright, witty, little, woman and we have happy times together; we are alone together except at “meal times,” only for the hired girl, but she is busy with her work, so we talk; and I read much to her; sometimes play my Guitar and sing to her.

 

Wed. 6  Passed my usual quiet day with my patient, who is very affectionate and I “baby” her.

 

Thurs. 7  Fred at home, sick all day, so I had another patient to look after.

 

Fri. 8  Went in to Mrs. Durein’s this morning and this afternoon, Ida – hired girl – looked after Mrs. F. and let me get out for an “airing.”  I went over to the Cemetery, then to Jim Shaw’s where I saw Mother and Mrs. Pettit and children.  Mrs. Baker called to see me, just after dinner.  Fred was home this evening and tho’ he is such a quiet fellow, he can be very entertaining.

 

Sat. 9  A quiet day with Mrs. Farnsworth.

 

Sun. 10  I went to Church this morning, Fred going as far as 5th St, and from church, I went to J. M. Bair’s for dinner.  Fred asked me this evening “if the right man came along, if I would not marry again.”  Oh! dear.

 

[Page Dec 11, 1893]

 

Mon. 11 Dec. 1893  Mrs. Farnsworth asked me if I would not go to Calif. with her next summer; she misses her children so, but the poor little woman, will not live till next summer.

 

Tues. 12  Ted – as Mrs. F. calls him – not very well and to bed early.  He is not a strong boy.

 

Wed. 13  Covering Fred’s gloves with Chamois this afternoon, as I sat with my Patient.  Mrs. F. goes to her room, after Tea, and Mr. F. sits thro’ the evening with her, so it leaves Fred and I alone for the evening and he is beginning to look at me, in a rather strange way and to say “funny” things.  Tonight he said we would go to Calif. together next Summer, on his Vacation.  Now if he means that seriously, I am sorry, for I cannot think of marrying again.  Oh! such misery.  I could never trust another man, tho’ I know Fred is a splendid fellow, but he is a “moderate” drinker like the other.

 

Thurs. 14  Mrs. F. and I a quiet, happy day, together.

 

Fri. 15  Mrs. F. is failing every day.  Fred asked me this evening what Johnny said when he “Proposed.”  Now Fred don’t you try Proposing to me for I will have to say no! no!! no!!!

 

[Page Dec 16, 1893]

 

Sat. 16 Dec. 1893  I am afraid Fred is “smitten” for when I came down to Breakfast this morning, he met me and asked if I did not say last night, that I blonged to him.  Oh! if he could only realize, how I hate the thought of marriage.  He and I have always been the best of friends, and he is so good, but I simply cannot love or trust any man again.  It makes me shudder to even think of it.  He is not home tonight

 

Sun. 17  Fred walked with me, on his way to P. O. as far as 6th and Ave, this morning as I was going over on East side to Church at 3rd Christian C.  From Church I went to Jim Shaw’s and Mr. J. E. Pettits, then to Cemetery and home on a car by 2:30 P. M.  Fred did not go see his girl tonight.

 

Mon. 18  Was over to Mrs. Millham’s this morning on an errand, for Mrs. F.  Mr. Geo. Willits here for dinner and Mr. Frank McClelland of Maple Hill, was here for supper and to stay all night with Fred.  Mrs. Farnsworth still failing.

 

[Page Dec 19, 1893]

 

Tues. 19 Dec. 1893  Mrs. Farnsworth thinks so much of me and can hardly let me out of her sight; she is so affectionate and I pet her, a great deal, and she just seems to be “wrapped up” in me.  She says, I do more for her, than her own daughter would do.  Fred Gordon, came home with Fred for supper and to spend the evening.

 

Wed. 20  Mrs. F. is failing so, that she takes almost my constant time, and each night I must stay in her room over night, except that Mr. F. stays with her for couple of hours after supper.

 

Tonight Fred said to me, “I was wondering how long it would be, before you could marry.”  I can never marry.  So far as waiting is concerned, I could marry now.  I staid with the other and took care of him.  He was so brutal and unkind, he became repulsive to me.  I loathed him, yet I staid with him and took care of him, as I felt it my duty to do; but now I am free to marry if I wish.  I do not want to.  Oh! the horror of it.

 

[Page Dec 21, 1893]

 

201 Topeka Ks.

 

Thurs. 21 Dec. 1893  Fred took me over to North Topeka, this evening, to see some friends of his, Mr. & Mrs. Frank Carey and I find Mrs. Carey an old acquaintance who use to be, Effie Priddy, at Silver Lake.  When we got home, near 10 o’clock we found Mr. Farnsworth sick, tho’ not bad.

 

Fri. 22  Mr. Farnsworth, not able to speak out loud this morning; we called Dr. Munn who has not yet decided what is his trouble.

 

Sat. 23  Both Mr. and Mrs. Farnsworth very sick and I go constantly from one room to another.  Fred staid with them about two hours, after supper, that I might get a little sleep as I barely got a doze last night.

 

Sun. 24  I wrote letters, to all the Farnsworth children tonight, to tell them of the dangerous illness of their parents.  We don’t know what a moment, may bring.  Fred went to see his girl and we had to send for him.  Dr. Munn here until late tonight.  I was up all night last night and must be tonight.

 

[Page Dec 25, 1893]

 

Mon. 25 “Christmas Day” and Fred has half Holiday and is home; while some of the neighbors came in this afternoon, to stay with my Patients, to let me get out in the Air, Fred walked with me; I took a very short walk to river and back as I do not feel like leaving my two Patients even a moment.

 

Tues. 26  Went out for a little walk alone this afternoon, as my Patients are improving and Mrs. Durein came in to stay, while I was out.  Ted stays with them evenings, while I take a two hours sleep.  I do not undress day or night.

 

Wed. 27  A Rainy morning.  Cousin Nellie Dick and Ned Adams married today and as we read the account in Paper this evening Fred asked if I did not wish it was he and I.  Poor Ted, how can I ever love, or trust any one again, enough to marry them, when I found married life so unhappy.

 

[Page Dec 28, 1893]

 

Thurs. 28 Dec. 1893  My Patients much better and Mr. Farnsworth can be up so Ida, looked after them long enough for me to ride to town with Fred after dinner, to go to Express Office and get my Bed Spread, just sent me from the World’s Fair, where I got a Prize on it, of $3.00 I walked home.

Fri. 29  The folks are still improving and I slept from supper until 8:30 when Fred called me and now I sit thro’ the night alone, as I use to do; I sit by Mrs. F’s bedside in a big rocker holding her hand, as I use to do Johnny.  She says she can just feel the good come from me and she is only happy when I am right beside her.  How she clings to me all the time.

 

Sat. 30  Mrs. F. not so well.  I am afraid life is most over for her, and I will lose a dear friend.

 

[Page Dec 31, 1893]

 

Sun. 31 Dec. 1893  Standing with me, by his mother’s bedside, this evening, Fred said I could set my own time to be married.  Oh! Ted when will you ever quit talking so, to me.  I cannot trust any man enough to marry him.  I am afraid.  I have been so unhappy, that now my greatest joy is to be free.  Fred is so good and our friendship has always been such a happy one, I don’t want it spoiled by the thought of marriage.  I could never be so happy as now in my freedom.  Tonight closes a most unhappy year in my life.  So full of care, sorrow, misery.  God grant the New Year, may bring more of joy.

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